Humor: pre-size Windows 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  November 27, 2006
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Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
--- Jules de Gaultier

Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and
action, where it often substitutes for both.
--- John Andrew Holmes,

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Thanks to Ann for this story:
An observant woman died one day, and found herself waiting in the
long line for judgment.  As she stood there, she noticed that some
souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into
heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into
the burning pit.  But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul
into the fire, Satan would toss a soul into a small pile off to one side.

 After watching Satan do this several times, the woman's curiosity got the
 best of her. So she strolled over to find out what the devil he was doing.
 "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," she said. "I'm waiting my turn for
 judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those
people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?"

 "Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan.
"They're all from Vancouver, they're too wet to burn!"

----------------------------
I bet he also had a pile for the people from Seattle!

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  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie, a certified blonde *, for tis story: A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches her yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied. _____________ * Only certified blondes are allowed to tell blonde jokes in the Humor Letter ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Fort Worth, Texas drunks November 25, 2006 - Fort Worth, Texas - AP A bloody brawl erupted outside a tavern when one customer stabbed another for failing to wash his hands after using the mens room. One man was hospitalised in Fort Worth, Texas, while another was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== There is one way to permanently stop that ringing in the ears, from not wearing hearing protection! ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for bringing back this classic: have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?) On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Glenis for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the conference is on after all. I'll call you when I get there." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Dear Webby, I made 4 links one quarter there size--- Had all four show on my desktop at once--- was neat--- except now--- almost every thing I open--- opens to one quarter its size and I have to click maximize. You had a tech tip once that dealt with just that problem--- did not need it so I deleted it- Webby, where I go to click open all windows in full screen?? Thanks so much for all your help. Jaye Dear Jaye Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 2006 - RPI Every day, the sun bathes the planet in energy--free of charge--yet few systems can take advantage of that source for both heating and cooling. Now, researchers are making progress on a thin-film technology that adheres both solar cells and heat pumps onto surfaces, ultimately turning walls, windows, and maybe even soda bottles into climate control systems. On July 12, 2006, Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (RPI) researcher Steven Van Dessel and his colleagues will announce their most recent progress--including a computer model to help them simulate the climate within their test structure atop the RPI Student Union--at the Solar 2006 Conference in Denver, Colo. For 4 years, the researchers have been working on their prototype Active Building Envelope (ABE) system. Comprised of solar panels, solid-state, thermoelectric heat pumps and a storage device to provide energy on rainy days (literally), the ABE system accomplishes the jobs of both cooling and heating, yet operates silently with no moving parts. NSF is supporting the team to determine if a microscale version of the technology will function effectively. -------------------------- It functions quite OK. I experimented with that 20 years ago in the arctic. There is only one serious problem with it: It takes about 300 years to pay for itself, and the solid state heat pumps are only guaranteed for one year. Small scale applications have been available in the form of 12 Volt solid state picnic coolers for the last 10 years.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Headphones The most important thing to consider when buying headphones isn't how they sound, but how they feel in your ears. If they aren't comfortable, you won't want to use them in the first place. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to try on earphones at the store before buying them. Be sure to ask the store manager if the ear phones can be returned if you try them out and they are too uncomfortable.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..." She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Carol Dear Webby, An unusual request... http://www.theshipsproject.com/home.htm offers free patterns for simple knit and crocheted caps for our soldiers. Caps that fit under their helmets and slippers are most in demand. Would you please post this site? Many thanks. Carol From Martin, re yesterday's Thumb Drives Just read the Staples ad in the Sunday paper. Sony 1GB USB Flash Drive....$19.98 Geez.....my first computer was $1300, complete with a 540mb hd and 5.25 floppy. I remain astounded these days. Martin
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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