Dear Webby: Screen saver / Power saver 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  December 17, 2006
======================================

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
--- Voltaire

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
--- Mel Brooks

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli for bringing back this classic:
 As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each
of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young
Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?", she
asked.

Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my
twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we
sing hymns, then we come home very late, and we put mince
pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then, all
excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come
with all our toys".

"Very nice Patrick", she said.

"Now, Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?"
"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mom
and Dad and we sing carols, and we get home ever so late.
We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our
stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring
our presents."

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting
to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,
"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes
home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we
drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the
empty shelves and begin to sing
'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'.
Then we all go to the Bahamas ...."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Rheta for sending this poem: When I was very little, All the Grandmas that I knew All walked around this world, In ugly grandma shoes. You know the ones I speak of, Those black clunky heeled kind, They just looked so very awful That it weighed upon my mind, For I knew, when I grew old, I'd have to wear those shoes, I'd think of that, from time to time It seemed like such bad news. I never was a rebel, I wore saddle shoes to school. And next came ballerinas Then the sandals, pretty cool. And then came spikes with pointed toes, Then platforms, very tall, As each new fashion came I wore them, one and all. But always, in the distance, Looming in my future, there, Was that awful pair of ugly shoes, The kind that Grandmas wear. I eventually got married And then I became a Mom. Our kids grew up and left, And then their children came along. I knew I was a Grandma And the time was drawing near, When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes Was what I'd have to wear. How would I do my gardening? Or take my morning hike? I couldn't even think about How I would ride my bike! But fashions kept evolving, And one day I realized That the shape of things to come Was changing, right before my eyes. And now, when I go shopping What I see, fills me with glee. For, in my jeans and Reeboks I'm as comfy as can be. And I look at all these teenage girls And there, upon their feet Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes, And they really think they're neat. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michelle Baldwin of Riverside, California Bimbo Malfunction December 14, 2006 - Riverside, California - AP A high school choir was asked to stop singing Christmas carols during an ice skating show featuring Olympic medalist Sasha Cohen out of concern the skater would be offended because she's Jewish. A city staff member, accompanied by a police officer, approached the Rubidoux High School Madrigals at the Riverside Outdoor Ice Skating Rink just as they launched into "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman" and requested that the troupe stop singing, the Riverside Press-Enterprise reported Thursday. Cohen, the 2006 Olympic silver medalist and 2006 U.S. National Champion, had just finished her performance at the rink on the downtown pedestrian mall, and was signing autographs. Choir director Staci Della-Rocco said she complied with the request "because a policeman told me to stop. I didn't want to have a big huge scene in front of my kids," according to the newspaper. The city staff member, special-events employee Michelle Baldwin, could not be reached for comment. City Development Director Belinda J. Graham confirmed the incident. "This request was simply made by a staff member who was attempting to be sensitive to the celebrity guest, without considering the wider implications ... or consulting with her supervisor for guidance," Graham said in an e-mail to the newspaper. Mayor Ron Loveridge called the incident "unfortunate." "You kind of wish people do a little checking first. You certainly have my apology," he said, referring to the choir members. A spokeswoman with the New York-based PR firm that helped promote the event said Cohen did not make the request to silence the singers. -------------------------- Cohen was not performing a religious ceremony, but was simply paid to skate, and had finished with the skating. If she even heard the carolers, she probably would have enjoyed the music. There was no need for Michelle Baldwin to get a cop to back her up while she was being a silly nuisance. I would hope the cop got a reprimand for abusing his office to support a bigoted music critic. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for these pictures of a baby hawk ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for forwarding a Jewish friend's observations and comparisons between Christmas and Hannukha: Jews love Dec. 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is eight days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from either the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida). * Christmas is a major holiday. * Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays: They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat!!! * Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos... * Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or a the collected works of the Rambam which looks impressive on the bookshelf. * There is only one way to spell Christmas. * No one can decide how to spell Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanukka, Channukah,Hanukah, Hannuka, whatever. * Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts. * Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond ring on Chanukah. * Christmas brings enormous electric bills. * Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis. * Christmas carols are beautiful. Silent Night, Come o Ye Faithful..... * Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or about having a party and dancing the Hora. Of course, we are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were composed and written by Jews. And don't Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully? And made tons of money singing them? * A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in festive moods. * A home preparing for Cha nukah smells of oil, potatoes and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all talking at once. * Christian women have fun baking Christmas cookies. * Jewish women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkes on Chanukah. Another reminder of our suffering through the ages. * Parents deliver gifts to their children during Christmas. * Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift any of the eight nights of Chanukah. * The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary, Joseph and Jesus. * The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah, Maccabee, and Matta-whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it the same twice in a row. On the plus side, we can tell our friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history. * In recent years, Christmas has become more and more commercialized. * The same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a major holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about celebrating. Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve yourself for... 27 hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your chest, confess your sins, make everybody else feel guiltier than you, a guaranteed good time for you and your family. Tickets a mere $200 per person. =========================================== Thanks to Rose for this story: I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror--- wearing nothing but a camera! ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trish Re: Screen Saver Hi Webby After reading today's letter it occurred to me that I don't have a 'screen saver' on. I don't know if it's best to have it on or not to, I'm sure some other readers would be interested to know. I did look at the 'clock screensavers' "Chuck" recommended, downloaded the mickey mouse one (or all of them for all I know), it did appear after whatever time I have screen saver on for but after half an hour or so the screen went black as it usually is when I leave my computer on. Is this the 'power saving thing happening' or what, I really am not sure why one should have a 'screen saver', does it 'save the screen' or what, "please explain". Think I read once that they just take up space on the computer. Not talking about the desktop picture, just screen saver and why if you put one on the thing goes black after a short while anyway. Thanks if you can answer this. Regards to you and yours, Trish Dear Trish The screensaver makes sure that you don't burn the default desktop into the screen. With today's monitors that is not so common, but I remember when I was a mobile computer tech and taking care of the government computers in the Yukon, and seeing all the 10 inch greenie monitors clearly showing the IBM DisplayWrite 4 menu, even when turned off. A moving picture prevents that from happening. The reason your monitor eventually turns off is not because it gets tired of amusing the dust bunnies, but to reduce your electricity bill. You can set the length of time it burns electricity, after you finish doing anything on it, in the power options. A monitor burns about the same amount of electricity as two 75 Watt lightbulbs, and produces about the same amount of heat. Where you are, that means you got to spend again as much power on the air conditioner, to get rid of that heat. That translates into a 300 Watt Mickey Mouse watch, just to amuse your dust bunnies while you are sleeping. Microsoft thought that was kinda silly and gave you the option to save some money. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 13, 2006 - Arlington, Virginia - AP It took a second or two for Jaimen Ortiz to fully comprehend what he was seeing: two toddlers playing in an open second- floor window, and one of them hanging from the window sill. So Ortiz hopped a fence and ran to the apartment building. Just as he got there, the two-year-old girl fell, screaming. Ortiz put out his arms and caught her cleanly, perhaps saving her life and certainly preventing serious injury. "If I had delayed one more second, she would have fallen to the ground," Ortiz said through a Spanish interpreter, recalling the Oct. 13 incident. The toddlers' father was charged with reckless endangerment. Ortiz's quick thinking was honoured Tuesday in Arlington, where the County Board presented him a certificate of recognition for heroism. Ortiz, 29, seemed slightly overwhelmed by the attention he received Tuesday as he fielded multiple interview requests. "I have a five-year-old child, and you never know. Maybe someday he might need help like I was able to give to this girl," he said. While he was unaccustomed to the recognition, it's not the first time he has been a hero. As a teenager growing up in Guatemala, he helped save the wife of a friend from drowning.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gift Wrapping Center I have an old dresser that I converted into a gift wrap center. The dresser has four good sized drawers to hold: tissue paper, cards, gift bags and bows. I keep my rolls of gift wrap in plastic boxes on top of the dresser with tape and a scissor. When I need to wrap a present, I just remove the two boxes of gift wrap from the top and I have a nice wrapping surface. By Tammy B.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A certain tax attorney took on a very complex case of tax evasion for a rather mysterious client. He devoted over a year to the case, familiarizing himself with every loophole and angle of current legislation, and made a brilliant argument before the court. His client was called out of town when the jury returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for his client on every count. Flushed with victory, the lawyer exuberantly cabled his client, "Justice has triumphed!" A realistic fellow, the client immediately wired back, "Appeal at once!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Glenis Dear Webby I just want to tell you how much I appreciate the time and effort you put into creating the Humor Letter every day, and that wonderful Heirloom Christmas book. You should charge a lot more for it! Most 20 - 30 page e-books cost $69 and up, and yours has 192 pages for just $10. You would probably sell a lot more if you raised the price! Have a Merry Christmas Glenis Dear Glenis I will definitely consider that for the next book, but I won't change the price on this one. It's a Heirloom that should be in every house, and a higher price might be too steep for some people. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Newgrange http://www.knowth.com/newgrange.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 427 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 1485 )

<<First <Back | 142 | 143 | 144 | 145 | 146 | 147 | 148 | 149 | 150 | 151 | Next> Last>>