Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  December 17, 2006
======================================

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
--- Voltaire

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
--- Mel Brooks

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli for bringing back this classic:
 As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each
of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young
Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?", she
asked.

Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my
twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we
sing hymns, then we come home very late, and we put mince
pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then, all
excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come
with all our toys".

"Very nice Patrick", she said.

"Now, Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?"
"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mom
and Dad and we sing carols, and we get home ever so late.
We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our
stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring
our presents."

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting
to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,
"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes
home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we
drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the
empty shelves and begin to sing
'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'.
Then we all go to the Bahamas ...."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters,
browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog 
===========================================

Thanks to Rheta for sending this poem:

When I was very little,
All the Grandmas that I knew
All walked around this world,
In ugly grandma shoes.

You know the ones I speak of,
Those black clunky heeled kind,
They just looked so very awful
That it weighed upon my mind,

For I knew, when I grew old,
I'd have to wear those shoes,
I'd think of that, from time to time
It seemed like such bad news.

I never was a rebel,
I wore saddle shoes to school.
And next came ballerinas
Then the sandals, pretty cool.

And then came spikes with pointed toes,
Then platforms, very tall,
As each new fashion came
I wore them, one and all.

But always, in the distance,
Looming in my future, there,
Was that awful pair of ugly shoes,
The kind that Grandmas wear.

I eventually got married
And then I became a Mom.
Our kids grew up and left,
And then their children came along.

I knew I was a Grandma
And the time was drawing near,
When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes
Was what I'd have to wear.

How would I do my gardening?
Or take my morning hike?
I couldn't even think about
How I would ride my bike!

But fashions kept evolving,
And one day I realized
That the shape of things to come
Was changing, right before my eyes.

And now, when I go shopping
What I see, fills me with glee.
For, in my jeans and Reeboks
I'm as comfy as can be.

And I look at all these teenage girls
And there, upon their feet
Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes,
And they really think they're neat.

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Michelle Baldwin of Riverside, California

Bimbo Malfunction

December 14, 2006 - Riverside, California - AP

A high school choir was asked to stop singing Christmas
carols during an ice skating show featuring Olympic medalist
Sasha Cohen out of concern the skater would be offended
because she's Jewish.

A city staff member, accompanied by a police officer,
approached the Rubidoux High School Madrigals at the
Riverside Outdoor Ice Skating Rink just as they launched
into "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman" and requested that the
troupe stop singing, the Riverside Press-Enterprise reported
Thursday.

Cohen, the 2006 Olympic silver medalist and 2006 U.S.
National Champion, had just finished her performance at the
rink on the downtown pedestrian mall, and was signing
autographs.

Choir director Staci Della-Rocco said she complied with the
request "because a policeman told me to stop. I didn't want to
have a big huge scene in front of my kids," according to the
newspaper.

The city staff member, special-events employee Michelle Baldwin,
could not be reached for comment. City Development Director
Belinda J. Graham confirmed the incident.

"This request was simply made by a staff member who was
attempting to be sensitive to the celebrity guest, without
considering the wider implications ... or consulting with
her supervisor for guidance," Graham said in an e-mail
to the newspaper.

Mayor Ron Loveridge called the incident "unfortunate."

"You kind of wish people do a little checking first. You
certainly have my apology," he said, referring to the
choir members.

A spokeswoman with the New York-based PR firm that
helped promote the event said Cohen did not make the
request to silence the singers.

--------------------------
Cohen was not performing a religious ceremony, but was
simply paid to skate, and had finished with the skating.
If she even heard the carolers, she probably would have
enjoyed the music. There was no need for Michelle Baldwin
to get a cop to back her up while she was being a silly
nuisance.

I would hope the cop got a reprimand for abusing his
office to support a bigoted music critic.

===========================================


 Need some
unique Christmas cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards
 
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for these pictures of a baby hawk




===========================================


Beautiful Christmas eCards

All FREE!

HeartsnCards.Com


===========================================

Thanks to Dianne for forwarding a Jewish friend's observations
and comparisons between Christmas and Hannukha:

Jews love Dec. 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go
to movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing.
Chanukah is eight days.
It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that
falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non
Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to
consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all
have the same calendar, provided free with a donation
from either the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher,
or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida).

* Christmas is a major holiday.
* Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most
Jewish holidays: They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat!!!

* Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume,
stereos...
* Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks,
or a the collected works of the Rambam which looks impressive
on the bookshelf.

* There is only one way to spell Christmas.
* No one can decide how to spell Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanukka,
Channukah,Hanukah, Hannuka, whatever.

* Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and
boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts.
* Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a
diamond ring on Chanukah.

* Christmas brings enormous electric bills.

* Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous
electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the
energy crisis.
* Christmas carols are beautiful. Silent Night, Come o Ye Faithful.....
* Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or about having a
party and dancing the Hora. Of course, we are secretly pleased that
many of the beautiful carols were composed and written by
Jews. And don't Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them
beautifully? And made tons of money singing them?

* A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet
smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered
around in festive moods.
* A home preparing for Cha nukah smells of oil, potatoes and
onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all
talking at once.

* Christian women have fun baking Christmas cookies.
* Jewish women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating
potatoes and onions for latkes on Chanukah. Another
reminder of our suffering through the ages.

* Parents deliver gifts to their children during Christmas.
* Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift
any of the eight nights of Chanukah.

* The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce
names such as Mary, Joseph and Jesus.
* The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah,
Maccabee, and Matta-whatever. No one can spell it or
pronounce it the same twice in a row. On the plus side, we
can tell our friends anything and they believe we are
wonderfully versed in our history.

* In recent years, Christmas has become more and more
commercialized.
* The same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a
minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a major
holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about celebrating.
Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve yourself for...
27 hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your
chest, confess your sins, make everybody else feel guiltier
than you, a guaranteed good time for you and your family.
Tickets a mere $200 per person.

===========================================

Thanks to Rose for this story:
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came
into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.
Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran
for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so
well that I had copies made and included one with each
of our Christmas cards.

Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look.

Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to
discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my
reflection in the mirror---
wearing nothing but a camera!

============================================


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    Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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==================================

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Trish
Re: Screen Saver

Hi Webby
After reading today's letter it occurred to me that I don't
have a 'screen saver' on.  I don't know if it's best to have
it on or not to, I'm sure some other readers would be
interested to know.  I did look at the 'clock screensavers'
"Chuck" recommended, downloaded the mickey mouse
one (or all of them for all I know), it did appear after
whatever time I have screen saver on for but after half an
hour or so the screen went black as it usually is when I
leave my computer on.  Is this the 'power saving thing
happening' or what, I really am not sure why one should
have a 'screen saver', does it 'save the screen' or what,
"please explain".  Think I read once that they just take up
space on the computer.  Not talking about the desktop
picture, just screen saver and why if you put one on the
thing goes black after a short while anyway.

Thanks if you can answer this.
Regards to
you and yours, Trish

Dear Trish

The screensaver makes sure that you don't burn the default
desktop into the screen. With today's monitors that is not so
common, but I remember when I was a mobile computer tech
and taking care of the government computers in the Yukon,
and seeing all the 10 inch greenie monitors clearly showing
the IBM DisplayWrite 4 menu, even when turned off.

A moving picture prevents that from happening.

The reason your monitor eventually turns off is not because
it gets tired of amusing the dust bunnies, but to reduce your
electricity bill. You can set the length of time it burns
electricity, after you finish doing anything on it, in the power
options.

A monitor burns about the same amount of electricity as two
75 Watt lightbulbs, and produces about the same amount of
heat. Where you are, that means you got to spend again as
much power on the air conditioner, to get rid of that heat.

That translates into a 300 Watt Mickey Mouse watch, just
to amuse your dust bunnies while you are sleeping. Microsoft
thought that was kinda silly and gave you the option to save
some money.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
December 13, 2006 - Arlington, Virginia  - AP

It took a second or two for Jaimen Ortiz to fully comprehend
what he was seeing: two toddlers playing in an open second-
floor window, and one of them hanging from the window sill.

So Ortiz hopped a fence and ran to the apartment building.
Just as he got there, the two-year-old girl fell, screaming.
Ortiz put out his arms and caught her cleanly, perhaps
saving her life and certainly preventing serious injury.

"If I had delayed one more second, she would have fallen
to the ground," Ortiz said through a Spanish interpreter,
recalling the Oct. 13 incident.

The toddlers' father was charged with reckless endangerment.

Ortiz's quick thinking was honoured Tuesday in Arlington, where
the County Board presented him a certificate of recognition
for heroism.

Ortiz, 29, seemed slightly overwhelmed by the attention he
received Tuesday as he fielded multiple interview requests.

"I have a five-year-old child, and you never know. Maybe
someday he might need help like I was able to give to this
girl," he said.

While he was unaccustomed to the recognition, it's not the
first time he has been a hero. As a teenager growing up
in Guatemala, he helped save the wife of a friend from
drowning.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Gift Wrapping Center
I have an old dresser that I converted into a gift wrap
center. The dresser has four good sized drawers to hold:
tissue paper, cards, gift bags and bows. I keep my rolls
of gift wrap in plastic boxes on top of the dresser with
tape and a scissor. When I need to wrap a present, I just
remove the two boxes of gift wrap from the top and I have
a nice wrapping surface. By Tammy B.


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

A certain tax attorney took on a very complex
case of tax evasion for a rather mysterious
client. He devoted over a year to the case,
familiarizing himself with every loophole and
angle of current legislation, and made a
brilliant argument before the court.

His client was called out of town when the jury
returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for
his client on every count.  Flushed with victory,
the lawyer exuberantly cabled his client, "Justice
has triumphed!"

A realistic fellow, the client immediately wired
back, "Appeal at once!"

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers


Pervert Alerts are now at
http://posty.net/pervertalerts/

========================================

From Glenis

Dear Webby
I just want to tell you how much I appreciate the time and
effort you put into creating the Humor Letter every day, and
that wonderful Heirloom Christmas book. You should charge
a lot more for it! Most 20 - 30 page e-books cost $69 and
up, and yours has 192 pages for just $10. You would
probably sell a lot more if you raised the price!
Have a Merry Christmas
Glenis

Dear Glenis
I will definitely consider that for the next book, but I won't
change the price on this one. It's a Heirloom that should
be in every house, and a higher price might be too steep
for some people.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
You can enter comments in the blog!

========================================

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Newgrange
http://www.knowth.com/newgrange.htm


========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.    
have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: Clean House 

Saturday, December 16, 2006, 04:02 AM

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  December 16, 2006
======================================

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more,
do more and become more, you are a leader.
— John Quincy Adams

Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
--- Charles McCabe

-------------------
There sure seem to be a lot of "artists" out there!

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He
took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the
hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer
drain.

A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the
man take one bolt from the remaining three wheels to hold
the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service
station.

The motorist thanked his profusely and said, "I don't know
why you are in that place."

The patient said, "I'm here for being crazy, not for being
stupid."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters,
browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog 
===========================================

Thanks to Rose for this story:
While trying to explain to our six-year-old daughter how much
technology had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new
laptop and told her that when he was a kid, a computer with the
same amount of power would have been the size of the school
next door.

Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, "WOW! How big was the mouse?"

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to  a 59-year-old woman from Youngstown, Ohio

Wrong way to shop
December 13, 2006 - Liberty, Ohio - AP

A grocery store manager was struck in the head with a 10-pound
sack of potatoes by a customer angry about having to wait in line,
police say. Police in Liberty, near Youngstown in northeast Ohio,
say a 59-year-old woman from Youngstown is suspected in the
attack.

Scott Renzenbrink, 45, told police a clerk having problems with a
customer called him to the register. The customer told him
she was upset about the wait and struck the manager in the
back of head with the potatoes when he was walking away
after the conversation, according to police.

A witness followed the woman out to the parking lot and took
down her license plate number.

Renzenbrink, who was not seriously hurt in the attack last
Thursday, identified the woman by a Bureau of Motor Vehicles
photo. He may file assault charges.

===========================================


 Need some
unique Christmas cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards
 
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this picture, rubbing it in that they
have very little snow in Florida.



===========================================


Beautiful Christmas eCards

All FREE!

HeartsnCards.Com


===========================================

"You say you're petitioning for a legal name change?" the
judge asked.

"Yes, your honor."

The judge looked at the petition.  "I can, ummm, see why,
ummm, Mr. Leon . . . Birdbrain, is it?"

"Yes, your honor, that's correct."

"And what do you want to change your name to, Mr., ummm,
Birdbrain?"

"Jim, your honor."

===========================================

An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual
findings he had made.  "For instance," he said, "some whales can
communicate at a distance of 300 miles."

"What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked a
sarcastic member of the group.

"I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something
like this: 'Heeeeeeey!  Can you hear me nowwww!?!'

============================================


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==================================

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Peter
Re: VISA versus PayPal

Dear Webby,
I tried to order above ebook.  Do I have to pay with PayPal -
I do not have an account them?  I can pay with VISA?

Thanks,
Peter

Dear Peter
Yes, sure you can use VISA or Mastercard.
Through the PayPal cart you can pay with VISA or Mastercard.

I realize now that Malta's banking laws currently only allow you
to have a Receive-only account, and that you can't use your
PayPal account for paying, but you can still use any PayPal
shopping cart and pay with your credit card in it.

If you have any problems, you can also order the e-book
through the Webby shopping cart. The shortcut to that e-book
is http://webby.com/cbp
http://webby.com/cbp

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
December 13, 2006 - Grand Forks, North Dakota - AP

A thrift store worker checking donated items found nearly $7,000
in a coat pocket and money belt, police say.
"I guess I was shocked," said Shirley Meagher, who works at
the Home Place Thrift Store in Grand Forks.

Meagher, who has worked part time at the thrift store since
September, said she occasionally finds strange objects mixed
in with donations. On Monday, she found a can of soup.

Tuesday's find was an eye-opener.

"I was sorting through some donations and came across a belt
that looked unusual," she said. "It looked awfully thick."
Meagher remembered hearing that some belts had zippers so
their owners could hide money, so she checked the donated belt
a little closer. She found a zipper, opened it and pulled out a bunch
of $100 bills.

She contacted her boss, Prairie Harvest executive director Debra
Johnson, who decided to notify police.

Meagher said she started sorting through other items that arrived
with the belt, to try to find the person who donated it, and found
more money in a coat.

The total amount in the coat and the belt came to nearly $7,000.

Police said they would keep the money until it can be returned to
the family of the coat's owner, Gary Beaton, who died last month.
His relatives live out of the state, police Lt. Jim Remer said.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Folding Chair Bags For Storing Wrapping Paper
If you don't keep your collapsible (camping) chairs in the
pouch they came in you can store your rolls of wrapping
paper in them. It keeps light and dust from ruining the rolls
of paper. By Sandy


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and
happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the
road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk
with the man that handled the snakes.

"Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a
dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?"

"Yes, on rare occasions," answered the handler.

"Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're
bitten by a snake?"

"I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as
soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across
the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound."

"What, uh...what would happen if you were to accidentally
sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman.

"Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day
I learn who my real friends are."

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers


Pervert Alerts are now at
http://posty.net/pervertalerts/

========================================

For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic
dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a
dessert and leave it waiting.

When they got home, they saw that the dining room table
was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and
there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the
refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead
and do something we wouldn't do!"

"I suppose," the husband responded, "we could clean the
house."



If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
You can enter comments in the blog!

========================================

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Vancouver Parks
http://members.shaw.ca/panthers6/MainPage.html


========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.    
have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: Missing Mime 

Friday, December 15, 2006, 04:12 AM

Good Morning,   !

Friday,  December 15, 2006
======================================
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
======================================

I have often been afraid, but I would not give in to it.
I made myself act as though I was not afraid and
gradually my fear disappeared."
--- Theodore Roosevelt

Once the game is over,
the King and the pawn go back in the same box.
--- Italian Proverb

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Sories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Rubye for this story:
Even Mother Superior knew good milk when she drank it.
The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last
journey comfortable.

They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused.

Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift
the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a
generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her
lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more and
before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down
to the last drop.

"Mother," the nuns asked with humility, "please give us
some wisdom before you die."

She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her
face said, "Don't sell that cow."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters,
browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog 
===========================================

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and
tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied,
"I'm not going."

"Why not?" she asked.

I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me,
and two, I don't like them."

His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU
SHOULD go to church.
(1) You're 57 years old, and
(2) you're the pastor!"

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Richard Perez, 43, of Lake Station. Indiana

Wrong way to shop
December 12, 2006 -Merrillville, Indiana - AP
Instead of impressing "Honey Bunny" on Christmas morning
with a 42-inch plasma television, "Big Papa" is facing a
charge of theft.

Richard Perez, 43, of Lake Station, was charged Monday with
stealing the TV and a Sleep Number bedding system from a
hotel where he worked as a security officer.

Security video showed Perez walking into a room at the
Radisson Hotel on Nov. 29 with an empty luggage cart,
then leaving minutes later with a full cart covered with
cloth, Merrillville police Detective Donald Toth said.

Police said they searched Perez's Lake Station home
Friday and found the Sleep Number system installed on
Perez's bed and the TV underneath the tree, wrapped in
green, Santa-themed paper.

The attached card was addressed to
"Mom, Honey Bunny from Big Papa, Daddy," Toth said.
Perez, who has been fired from his hotel job, was released
Monday after posting a $10,000 surety bond.

===========================================


 Need some
unique Christmas cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards
 
===========================================

Decked out with a big Christmas tree on the locomotive and
200,000 LED lights on its freight cars, The CPR Holiday Train
provides high class entertainment in exchange for food and
donations for foodbanks.



===========================================


Beautiful Christmas eCards

All FREE!

HeartsnCards.Com


===========================================

THE IMPORTANCE OF USING CORRECT EMAIL ADDRESSES

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a
long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter.

Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating
their travel schedules, it was decided that the husband
would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow
him the next day.

Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel.
There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an
email back in  Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left
off one letter in her address, and sent the email without
realizing his error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's
funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been
'called home to glory' following a  heart attack.

The widow checked her email, expecting messages from
relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she
shrieked, fainted, and fell to the floor.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on
the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

From: Your Already Departed Husband

Subject: I've Arrived!

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that
everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey
is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!

===========================================

Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go
home. He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny
in the arms of another man.
He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you got
to be messing with my wife?"

The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am
in love with Fanny and I would like to marry her. I understand
you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit
down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll
never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce
her.... Okay?"

"Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more
interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?"

============================================


    Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
    Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
    http://www.AFreeDish.com


==================================

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: George
Re: Not receiving pictures properly

Dear Webby
Just today, 12/14/2006, I viewed an email with images in it,
and forwarded to my son - He only received ONE of the images
at the end of a page or two of gibberish! The one image that
he received was in my attached folder. So I went back to the
original message to forward him the images and they had
ALL changed to red Xs in little boxes!

I use Eudora 7.0.1.0 to up/download my mail to/from
comcast.net - So where did these images go?

Dear George
With Eudora you specify the location of your attachment folder.
All pictures wind up either in the attachment folder, or in the
Embedded folder.

Exceptions are pictures that are linked to the source, the way
I do with the Humor Letter. Those pictures can always be
retrieved from there, and no file transfer is required between
you and your recipient. For example, if you forward the Humor
Letter to your son, only the links to the pictures are sent, and
his mail program then retrieves the pictures from my server.

What happened in your case is that most likely you sent an
HTML page, but your son did not have MIME turned on or
enabled in his mail program. That is why he saw pages of
gibberish, the pictures in binary form.

Once he turns on MIME, he should receive your pictures OK.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
December 13, 2006 - Omaha, Nebraska - AP

While many Christmas trees sparkle with tinsel and lights
during the holiday season, some reek of fox urine or wear
a splatter of pink stain.

A surge in Christmas tree poaching has forced growers and
property owners to take action. Smelly, discolored trees are
less likely to be cut and dragged off by thieves.

At the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, for example, evergreens
are sprayed with a fox urine mixture and tagged with a
warning to discourage tree thieves.

"It is a strong odor, and it smells just like what it is," said
Kirby Baird, a landscape manager at the school.
When the tree is out in the cold, the smell isn't noticeable,
Baird said. But once the tree is inside and starts to warm up...
"It's nasty," he said.

Tree poaching once was a problem at Washington State
University, which has more than 150 evergreen, spruce and
fir trees on campus. "We did have a lot of trees cut for
Christmas trees, either entire small trees or tops of large
trees," said grounds supervisor Kappy Brun.
The poaching all but stopped after groundskeepers began
to spray campus trees with the oily, odorous liquid produced
by skunks.

While Nebraska and Washington fought tree poachers with
odor, Cornell University made their trees less appealing as
Christmas decorations.

Workers there painted trees with "ugly mix" — a solution of
hydrated lime and red food coloring developed by one of
Cornell's veteran gardeners. The result: fluorescent pink
trees. The mix stays on trees for about a month before fading,
and is credited with saving dozens of evergreens over the years.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shop for Gifts at the Dollar Store 
This year when Christmas shopping, consider buying gifts
as well as decorative items from your local dollar store. I
went into our dollar store yesterday and was very pleasantly
surprised at the amount of decorative items as well as gift
items available - and at such a reasonable price! By Robin


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

WHERE YA FROM ?

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to
the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.''
The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient.

''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm
going to have to call the manager.''

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher
who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search
of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the
manager returned and stood over the man. Together the
two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no
success.

Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the
situation briefly.

''All right buddy, what's your name?''
''Sam,'' the man moaned.
''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked.

''The balcony.''

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers


Pervert Alerts are now at
http://posty.net/pervertalerts/

========================================

Liked the clock link, but I dug a little further and there
are a series of clock screen savers here
http://beeks.eu/Screensaver.htm
some are pretty cute.
Chuck

-------------------------------

Hi there and very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to
you and yous. Your great newsletter keeps us all in a good
mood and everyone I talked  to seems to entoy it. I certainly do.
Keep up the good work.
Cathy

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
You can enter comments in the blog!

========================================

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Santa's Train
http://travel.canoe.ca/Travel/Activitie ... 6-sun.html


========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.    
have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: Tow To Go 

Thursday, December 14, 2006, 03:59 AM

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  December 14, 2006
======================================

The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
--- Henry Stimson

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up
- they have no holidays.
--- Henny Youngman

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Sories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Frederick II, the eighteenth-century king of Prussia, fancied
himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he
was.  On one occasion he is supposed to have interested
himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted
through it so that he might speak to the prisoners.  One after
the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him,
bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter
innocence of all charges that had been brought against them.

Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's
curiosity was aroused.
"You," he called.  "You there."

The prisoner looked up.  "Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Why are you here?"

"Armed robbery, Your Majesty."

"And are you guilty?"

"Entirely guilty, Your Majesty.  I deserve my punishment."

At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and
said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once.  I will not
have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the
splendid innocent people who occupy it."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters,
browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog 
===========================================

An Irishman walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round
for everyone, on me!"  The bartender says, "Well, Murph,
seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hm?"

Murphy says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired
by the city to go around and remove all the money
from parking meters.  I start on Monday!"

The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to
pour the round.

Monday evening arrives.  Murphy comes back into the bar
and says
"Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"

The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over
having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be
when you get your paycheck!"

Murphy looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his
face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says
"You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Chesterfield County school officials in Virginia

Illegal Art
December 13, 2006 - Richmond, Virginia - AP
To hear the students tell it, Stephen Murmer is a fun,
popular art teacher who is always quick to crack a joke.
But there is another side to Murmer. A side that has
agitated school officials and resulted in his suspension.
A side that focuses, almost entirely, on the crack in his
backside.

Outside of class and under an alter ego, the self-proclaimed
"butt-printing artist" creates floral and abstract art by
plastering his posterior and genitals with paint and
pressing them against canvas. His cheeky creations sell
for hundreds of dollars.

This has not gone over well with Chesterfield County school
officials, who placed Murmer on administrative leave from
his job at Monacan High School.

Murmer contacted the American Civil Liberties Union of
Virginia after he was suspended on Friday, ACLU legal director
Rebecca Glenberg said. He told Glenberg that administrators
had suspended him with pay for five days because of his work
as a butt-print painter and that he also could face unpaid
suspension pending an investigation.

Murmer went to great lengths to keep his work life separate
from his activities as an artist, said ACLU executive director
Kent Willis. As a butt-printing artist, he goes by the name
"Stan Murmur," and appears in disguise in photographs and
videos promoting his art.

"As a public employee, he has constitutional rights, and he
certainly has the right to engage in private legal activities
protected by the First Amendment of the Constitution," Willis said.

"I'm certainly proud of the butt painting," Murmer said in
response to questions about his disguise. "I do have a real
job where I do have real clients and I don't think they'd be
too understanding if I was also the guy who painted with
my butt."

That video has made the rounds at Monacan High, where the
mere mention of Murmer's name was enough to elicit grins
from students Tuesday. Most appeared to be firmly behind
their teacher, describing his suspension as "stupid," "ignorant"
and "kinda retarded."

===========================================


 Need some
unique Christmas cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards
 
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this picture:



===========================================

 Mycheers Christmas Postcards
 Huge selection,
 all of them free postcards.

===========================================

It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where
I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would
mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for
my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and
can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving
to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the
sister-to-be, answered.

"Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?"
Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have
a delivery for her."

The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!"
she shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!"

===========================================

Cajun math
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three
sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest
boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the
youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty
of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.


Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and
drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17,
making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the
second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got
one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle,
having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove
home.

============================================


    Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
    Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
    http://www.AFreeDish.com


==================================

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Jeannie
Re: Tow To Go

Dear Webby
Tow To Go is a Partnership between AAA Auto Club South &
Anheuser Busch

This program offers Members and Nonmembers, a confidential
free-ride home and tow of their vehicle in order to avoid a
potential drunk-driving situation.

* Call 1-800-AAA-HELP -- the call will be directed to an ERS
Call Center, depending on where the call originates

* The AAA call taker knows to dispatch a contractor
participating in the program (contractors have already agreed
to be a part of the program)

* The AAA contractor arrives at the vehicle and takes the
vehicle and the driver safely home, free of charge to the motorist.

Tow to Go Holiday Dates are November 23rd - December 31st

Jeannie

Dear Jeannie
Tow To Go is a great program, and probably has saved many
thousands of lives. However, I would strongly advise to call them
first, and find out if that service is actually available in your town
or village. Bar closing time could be an awkward time to find
out that your town is not included in the program.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
December  13, 2006 - Atlanta, Georgia

Living in balmy south Georgia, Gene Long knew his wife Crystal
pined for the winter snows of her native Pennsylvania.

So he decided to do something about it.

Armed with a homemade snowmaking machine, the 41-year-old
paramedic and firefighter stayed up overnight during a rare
subfreezing snap and crisscrossed their property.

Saturday morning, he presented her with an inch-deep blanket
of snow on their lawn.

"She thought it was pretty cool," Long said. "We actually had a
little snowball fight."
Crystal Long laughed out loud, recalling the vision that greeted
her when she got up.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Vegetable Oil on Your Snow Shovel
Coat your snow shovel with some vegetable oil to keep snow
from sticking to it. Use the cheapest cooking oil you have
on hand.


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived
babies)  "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled!  Isn't she
adorable?"

Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."

Father: "I was talking about the nurse!"

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers


Pervert Alerts are now at
http://posty.net/pervertalerts/

========================================

Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye
to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here
lies only the shell--the nut has gone!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
You can enter comments in the blog!

========================================

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Tin Tiles
http://www.oldhousejournal.com/magazine ... sedl.shtml


========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.    
have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: Red X 

Wednesday, December 13, 2006, 03:58 AM

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  December 13, 2006
======================================

One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with
potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other
virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful,
generous, or honest."
— Maya Angelou

Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that.
--- Sir Francis Bacon

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You will know what it is about, when somebody talks about
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

Not all of the stories in the Heirloom Christmas Book are for
reading to all ages, but it is a cultural treasure that shold be
passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two
truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read
CLEARANCE 11'3."

They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4."

"What do you think?" one asked the other.

The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first.
"Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters,
browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog 
===========================================

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a
number of years.  He went to the doctor and the doctor
was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that
allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor
and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect.  Your family
must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations.  I've
changed my will three times!"

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Pat Davis, Seattle

December 12, 2006 - Seattle, Washington - AP
Christmas trees are going back up at Seattle-Tacoma
International Airport. Pat Davis, president of the Port of
Seattle commission, which directs airport operations,
said late Monday that maintenance staff would restore
the 14 plastic holiday trees, festooned with red ribbons
and bows, that were removed over the weekend because
of a rabbi's complaint that holiday decor did not include
a menorah.

Airport managers believed that if they allowed the addition
of a 2.5-metre-tall menorah to the display, as Seattle
Rabbi Elazar Bogomilsky had requested, they would also
have to display symbols of other religions and cultures,
which was not something airport workers had time for
during the busiest travel season of the year, Airport
Director Mark Reis said earlier Monday.

Port officials received word Monday afternoon that
Bogomilsky's organization would not file a lawsuit at this
time over the placement of a menorah, Davis said in a
statement.

===========================================


 Need some
unique Christmas cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards
 
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this picture:



===========================================

 Mycheers Christmas Postcards
 Huge selection,
 all of them free postcards.

===========================================

For over 30 years Dave had worked in construction in
New York City. Those many years working around loud
machinery had taken its toll on Dave's body and he
began to fear that he was losing his hearing.

So Dave went to the doctor and told him the problem.
He explained to the doctor that things had gotten so
bad that he couldn't even hear himself fart.

The doctor examined Dave and then gave him some pills.

Dave asked, "Will these help me to hear better?"

The doctor replied, "No. They will make you fart
louder."

===========================================

Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on
strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the
Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a nurse over
there to read the picket signs.

============================================


    Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
    Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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==================================

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rita T
Re: red X

Dear Webby
I have a question I would like to ask you. When a picture
comes up with a box and red x in the center of it how can
I open it up?
Love reading your letters everyday.
Thank you,
Rita T

Dear Rita
The red x indicates that the sender has messed up and that
the picture is not there, or that the webmaster has messed
up and mis-spelled the name of the picture or forgot to
upload it.

There is nothing you can do, except complain to who dun it
(or didn't do it).

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
December 11, 2006 - Los Angeles - AP
The Los Angeles Opera has received a $4 million donation
for a multi-year ''Recovered Voices'' project that will produce
music the Nazis tried to silence.

Marilyn Ziering, a philanthropist and opera board member,
donated $3.25 million and raised an additional $750,000
from various donors, LA Opera General Director Placido
Domingo announced Monday.

The ''Recovered Voices'' project will highlight the music
of early 20th-century composers such as Alexander
Zemlinsky, Kurt Weill and Viktor Ullmann.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Protecting Sheets of Stamps
Keep stamps from sticking together by storing them
in-between sheets of wax paper. Wax paper also works
well for saving stickers, just put them on the shiny side of
the wax paper.


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

John was in the hospital and it was time for lunch. He looked
at his lunch and said, "I don't like chicken soup, bring
something else."

The orderly said, "It's good for you, the doctor said you
should have it."

John refused to eat. That night, the John's roommate had bad
stomach pain, so the nurses came in to give him an enema.
By mistake, they gave the enema to John.

The following week, when he was leaving the hospital, a new
patient asked him how he liked the hospital.

John told him, "Well, the hospital itself is pretty good,
but they're very strict about their food. Here's a good tip:
when they bring up chicken soup you better eat it, or else
they'll come back in the middle of the night and give it to
you the hard way, from the other end!"

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers


Pervert Alerts are now at
http://posty.net/pervertalerts/

========================================

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist:
"You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest
you take tranquilizers regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the
tranquilizers calmed you down?"

"Probably" the mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" he asked.

"Who cares?" she replied.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
You can enter comments in the blog!

========================================

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Mints
http://tinyurl.com/y6z4n4


========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.    
have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: AOL spam control tip 

Monday, December 11, 2006, 06:44 AM

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  December 11, 2006
======================================

Another late night, but since the sun rises late this time of
the year, it won't chase me from my desk this shift.
The Heirloom Christmas Book is finally finished, and
uploaded. I had to redo all the pictures, because the book
was 5 MB large. That could be a bit too large for some
of the computers out there. So now I trimmed it down to
just 2.6 MB. Still a monster with almost 200 pages, but
a more manageable file size.

I won't guarantee that you will like ALL the stories, but
I am pretty sure I got all the classics, that your great-grandma
read or recited to your grandma, when she was a kid.
Plus a couple of contempory ones.


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb




By the way, I formatted the book so that you can print it
regular letter size, or with ClickBook in paperback size
printed front andback on a quarter the number of sheets
of paper.

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were
sitting together in church.  Joel giggled, sang, and talked out
loud.  Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed
at Joel.

"Why?  Who's going to stop me?"  Joel shot back.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those
two big men standing by the door?"

Joel nodded.

"They're hushers."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters,
browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog 
===========================================

After the college boy delivered the pizza to Rob's's
trailer house, Rob asked: "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the
other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing
great."

"Is that so?" snorted Rob. "Well, just to show them how
wrong they are, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."

"What are you studying?" asked Rob.

The lad smiled and said: "Reverse psychology."

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Viscount Oliver's Legendary Four Tops band

'Sorry - we won't be there' 
A Four Tops tribute band missed a sell-out gig - when they
set their satnav for Chelmsford instead of Cheltenham.

Viscount Oliver's Legendary Four Tops, based on the Motown
band whose biggest hit was 'I'll Be There', ended up 140 miles
from the venue.

Tour manager Alan Frazer said: "They were very upset to let
down their fans because they put on such a great show.
"Whoever tapped the place into the satnav got it wrong. They
don't know British geography very well because they're
American.

"The guys have had a stressful tour playing 74 dates in Britain
this year. The driver's been given a severe reprimand because
of the error. It's cost me and the band a small fortune.

"It was a nightmare. It wasn't as if they stopped the car
and were sitting in the pub. They're all nonalcoholic
vegetarians.

===========================================


 Need some
unique Christmas cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards
 
===========================================


More about this in today's bonus link

===========================================

 Mycheers Christmas Postcards
 Huge selection,
 all of them free postcards.

===========================================

"I got married," said the first tavern regular, "so that I could
get laid three or four times a week."

"That's funny," said another patron. "That's why I got
divorced."

===========================================

One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job.  His
nephew asked him what happened.

"You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who
stands around and watches the other men work?"

"What's that got to do with it?" he asked.

"Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained.
"Everyone thought I was the foreman."

============================================


    Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
    Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
    http://www.AFreeDish.com


==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Amber Rose
Re: Cause of missed letters

Dear Webby
I keep wondering what the problem is that some people have
with getting your newsletter through AOL. I don't have any
problem whatsoever, and I have AOL. Could the difference
be that they do not have your e-mail address in their
Address Book? AOL kept putting it into my Address Book
whenever I received a newsletter. I kept deleting it because
it was not one of my personal friends that I contact frequently.
I was keeping my Address Book  just for them. When I realized
your newsletters were going into my Spam box, I finally realized.
Now you are prominent in my Address Book along with my
other friends, and I do believe you are a friend also.
Your newsletter is the very best I have ever received.
AmberRose

Dear AmberRose
You are 100% right.
Nowadays AOL has become quite reliable, much better than
for example Yahoo, and when the sender address is in the
address book, the mail always gets through.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
Speeding couple given toy

A German couple caught speeding on their way to give birth
were given a toy for their new baby instead of a ticket.

Barbara and Johann Meyer, from Wachtberg, initially received
a ticket after a speed camera photographed them breaking
the speed limit.

But when they told authorities that they were on their way
to hospital where Barbara gave birth to their first baby,
police cancelled the fine.

Instead, they sent them a toy police officer in uniform -
holding a speed camera. Police also recommended the Meyers
put the original speeding camera image into their son's first
photo album.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Packing Peanuts Garland
Do you have some styrofoam packaging peanuts lying around?
String them together using a large needle and sturdy thread
(or fishing line). You can even spruce them up a bit by painting
the peanuts in Christmas colors.
You can easily dye them by pouring food
coloring or textile dye over them. The easiest way to string
them up is with #19 magnet or motor wire. Most electrical
rewind shops will gladly give you 20 - 50 foot leftover pieces
of wire.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

Two men sitting side by side in a 747 plane started to talk. One
explained he had never flown before. They left the airport in
New York City headed for Los Angeles. They landed in Chicago,
whereupon a little red truck pulled up and refueled the plane. They
again landed to refuel at Denver. The little red truck pulled up to
the plane and refueled it. As they were about to land at their
destination the veteran flier pointed out to the novice what great
time they had made.

The novice said, " Yes we made good time, but that little red wagon
wasn't doing bad either."

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers


Pervert Alerts are now at
http://posty.net/pervertalerts/

========================================

Martin, the nifty guy from Oklahoma, who sends so many neat
pictures and jokes, has a Christmas Greeting for you:
Martin
http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=bd57 ... 8G20061210


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
You can enter comments in the blog!

========================================

Bonus Link:
Tallest live Christmas tree
http://webby.com/tallest


========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.    
have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: Cool Clock 

Saturday, December 9, 2006, 03:17 AM

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  December 9, 2006
======================================

Forgiveness does not have anything to do with other people.
It has everything to do with you.
--- Gary Zukav

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the
instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to
give their escorts every chance to be gallant.

"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step
around and open the door for you." she said.

Then, returning to reality, she added, "But... if the big, dumb
galoot is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress -- don't wait
any longer."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters,
browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog 
===========================================

Three men died and went to heaven. St. Peter met them at the
pearly gates and told the men that they would would each
receive a car to drive. The only draw back was that they did
not get to pick out the car they wanted, it was determined
on how well they behaved on earth.

St. Peter asked the first guy if he had ever cheated on his
wife and he said, "Yes, I'm afraid I did one time."

St. Peter told him that he would get a mid-size car to drive
in heaven since he had cheated on his wife.

St.Peter asked the second guy if he had cheated on his wife.
"Yes, I'm afraid that I did twice during the time we were married,"
replied the second man.St. Peter told him that he would receive
a compact car to drive in heaven.

The third man was asked the same question and he replied,
"No I am happy to report that I was happily married and never
cheated on my wife!"

St. Peter congratulated him and gave him a luxury car to drive
in heaven.

One day the first two men saw the man in the luxury car crying
at a stop light and asked him why he was crying. After all he
had gotten a luxury car.

He replied, "I just saw my wife go by,
and she was on ONE roller skate!"

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Anthony Armstrong, of Fort Myers, Florida
Dumb Forger
December 7, 2006 - Chesterfield Township, Michigan - AP

A man who police say tried to pass a counterfeit check at a
Wal-Mart chose the wrong store at the wrong time. Dozens
of officers were at the suburban Detroit store Tuesday
helping needy children pick out items as part of an annual
"Shop with a Cop" charity event.

That didn't stop Calvin E. Fluckes Jr., 21, from pulling into
the parking lot next to 40 marked squad cars, police said.
He apparently was unfazed by the police presence as he
tried to pay for merchandise with a poorly photocopied
check for $847.83.

The cashier called over a manager, who alerted one of
the 80 officers who happened to be in the store.

"He was immediately apprehended," Chesterfield Township
police Lt. David Marker told the Detroit Free Press.
"I can't even imagine what he was thinking."

Fluckes was arraigned Wednesday on one count of uttering
and publishing. He was being held in the Macomb County
Jail on $2,000 bail.

He could face up to 14 years in prison if convicted.

===========================================


 Need some
unique Christmas cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards
 
===========================================

Thanks to Arturas for this picture:



===========================================

 Mycheers Christmas Postcards
 Huge selection,
 all of them free postcards.

===========================================

Two elderly men were eating breakfast in a restaurant one
morning. Ed noticed something funny about Joe's ear. He
said, "Joe did you know you've got a suppository in your
left ear?"
"I have? A suppository?"
He pulled it out and stared at it. Then he said:
"Ed, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where
my hearing aid is."

===========================================

This guy was walking on the beach and found what looked like
a genie bottle so he rubbed it and sure enough out came a
genie.
The genie said "I will grant you three wishes."
The man thought for a while and said, "O.K. for my first
wish I want a Red Lambourgini." and poof there on the beach
was a brand new red Lambourgini.

"for my second wish I want 3 milloin dollars." and poof
three million dollars apeared on the seat in the
Lambourgini.

He said "Now for my third wish make me irresistable to
women." and poof, the genie turned him into a
box of chocolates.

============================================


    Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
    Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
    http://www.AFreeDish.com


==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Martin
Re: Cool Clock

Dear Webby,
This is the COOLEST clock I have seen yet!!
A new one!! Look closely at it!! Amazing!!

Cool Clock
http://home.tiscali.nl/annejan/swf/timeline.swf
Martin

Dear Martin
It definitely is!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
December 5, 2006 - Baltimore, Maryland - AP

William Polk Carey, chairman and founder of real estate
company W. P. Carey & Co., has donated $50 million to
Johns Hopkins University, which the college will use to
establish business and education schools, the university
announced late Monday.

The W.P. Carey Foundation gift is the largest ever to Hopkins
for business education. The Carey Business School and the
School of Education will start operating Jan. 1, the university
said in a news release. Carey is a trustee emeritus of Hopkins.

The business school will add a five-year bachelor's-MBA program.

This is Carey's second funding of a business school. In 2003, he
donated $50 million to Arizona State University to establish
W.P. Carey School of Business there.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saucer Decoupage Picture Frame
If you any have saucers without a cup, you can cut a family
picture to fit in the center of the saucer. Glue the picture to
the saucer and decorate around the picture. Let it dry and
then give it a coating of decoupage. Let that dry and apply
a second coating. Slip it in a decoupage box, decorated
by you, and add a pretty bow. - Gladys Hill


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband
always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did.
"Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning,
and from my bed, I called out, 'Is that you, Jim ?' And that
cured him."
"Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how ?"
The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers


Pervert Alerts are now at
http://posty.net/pervertalerts/

========================================

A business associate of mine decided it was time to shed
some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even
changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One
morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic
coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained
cherubic.

"This is a very special coffeecake," he explained.
"I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there
in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no
accident, so I prayed, `Lord, if you want me to have one
of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking
place directly in front of the bakery.'

"And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around
the block,
 there it was!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
You can enter comments in the blog!

========================================

 Thanks to Diane for this Bonus Link:
Yule Recipes from around the world
http://tinyurl.com/y3mc2g


========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.    
have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: Fire Wall 

Friday, December 8, 2006, 04:05 AM

Good Morning,   !

Friday,  December 7, 2006
Wear something red to show your support for our troops!
======================================

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think
of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
--- Mark Twain

Few things help an individual more than to place
responsibility upon him, and to let him know that
you trust him.
--- Booker T. Washington

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this report:
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while
both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each
year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter,
usually late November to mid-December.   Female reindeer
retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting
Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph
to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a
fat-butt man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night
and not get lost.

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters,
browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog 
===========================================

Wendy goes to the post office to buy stamps for her
Christmas cards.  She says to the clerk,
"May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
Wendy replied, "God help us. Has it come to this?
OK, give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and
22 Baptists.

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Anthony Armstrong, of Fort Myers, Florida
Klutzy Burglar
November 30, 2006 - FORT MYERS, Florida - IBS

A burglar had no trouble breaking into a Florida post office,
but getting out was harder than he thought.

Security cameras took pictures of the man, who police said
was Anthony Armstrong, as he allegedly used a sledgehammer
to break through the wall of a Fort Myers, Fla., post office.

Once inside the office, he could not get out, police said. He
eventually called 911 and asked for help.

Police said the man told them that three men had chased him
into the post office. But officers said the sledgehammer and
the security photos didn't support his story.

===========================================


 Need some
unique Christmas cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards
 
===========================================

Thanks to Martin for this picture:



===========================================

 Mycheers Christmas Postcards
 Huge selection,
 all of them free postcards.

===========================================

It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen
lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and
waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour,
without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the
ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped
his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth
Bass.

The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to
plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in
another large catch.

The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old
man couldn't take it any longer.
"Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble.
You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half
dozen fish! How do you do it?"

The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm."

"What was that?" the old man asked.

Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm."

"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're
saying."

The boy spit the bait into his hand and said,
"You have to keep the worms warm!"

===========================================

It has been determined that having sex before participating
in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair
the athlete's abilities.

In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries.
After sex, they glance at their watches and say,
"Oops, gotta run!"

============================================


    Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
    Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
    http://www.AFreeDish.com


==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ted
Re: Fire Wall

Dear Webby,
I notice you recommend McAfee anti-virus and Firewall.
I have McAfee Anti-Virus but was afraid to put in the Firewall
for fear it would block something I wanted. Just what does the
Firewall do??  I have Spybot and Crap Cleaner installed as well.
 Ted

Dear Ted
Hi Ted
The Firewall keeps out hackers.
It does not block anything that is safe or useful.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
December 5, 2006 - LOS ANGELES - AP

The most powerful man in Hollywood isn't an A-lister,
but attends more movie premieres than Brad Pitt and
George Clooney combined. He has no entourage, but hits
enough nightspots to make Paris Hilton jealous. He's a
red-carpet regular with the power to shut down any event
from the Oscars on down.

Robert Gladden isn't a filmmaker or financier. He's a fireman,
one of 14 in Los Angeles who inspect and oversee areas of
public assembly. Gladden's territory is Tinseltown, and
practically every Hollywood party, performance or premiere
requires his approval.

''If the public could be endangered, we're on it,'' says Gladden, 54.

In the process, the slim, silver-haired fireman gets a front-row
seat to some of the world's most-watched events. His interest
is ostensibly safety, not celebrity, but he's had more brushes
with fame than a Hollywood stylist.

''I absolutely have the coolest job,'' he says. ''There's
nothing like it because most people don't associate
being a fireman with all this celebrity stuff.''

Gladden trained in the Air Force, then followed his late father's
footsteps into the Los Angeles Fire Department. Gladden joined
in 1978, 10 years after his dad died in a blaze. He took on his
current assignment in 1996.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Money With LED Christmas Lights
They aren't quite as bright as other lights, but LED Christmas
lights will save you a bundle on your energy bill. They cost as
much as 90% less to operate. LED lights also produce almost
no heat, which reduces the risk of fire.


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill,
so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help...

"If I were to give you $100, minus 14%, how much would
you take off?" he asked her.

The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!"

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers


Pervert Alerts are now at
http://posty.net/pervertalerts/

========================================


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
You can enter comments in the blog!

========================================

 Thanks to Diane for this Bonus Link:
Snow Scapes
http://www.waynehiggins.com/snowscapes.htm


========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.    
have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: Yahoo mail crashing 

Thursday, December 7, 2006, 03:40 AM

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  December 7, 2006
======================================

To have striven, to have made the effort,
to have been true to certain ideals -
this alone is worth the struggle."
— William Penn

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined.
The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?"

"Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once."

"Whom did you marry?" demanded the lawyer.

"Well, a woman," the humble witness replied.

The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman.
Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?"

And the witness said meekly, "Um, all of my sisters did."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters,
browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog 
===========================================

A man picked up is young son from school to take him to a
dental appointment.  Knowing the parts for the school play
were supposed to be posted that morning, he asked his son
if he got a part in the play.

With great enthusiasm, the boy said that he had and said,
"I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son," the dad said.  "Keep up the good work
and before you know it, they'll give you a speaking part."

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to David Allen Rodgers, 42 of Anderson, South Carolina
Wrong driver for a float
December 5, 2006 - Columbia, South Carolina — AP
A man accused of speeding down Main Street in Anderson
has been charged with drunken driving. What was unusual was
that he was driving a float in a Christmas parade at the time.

When officers caught up to 42-year-old David Allen Rodgers,
he had an open container of alcohol in the truck he used to
haul the children and adults on a float for the Steppin' Out
Dance Studio, Anderson Police spokeswoman Linda Dudley said.

Witnesses said Rodgers was driving in line in Sunday's parade
when he pulled out to pass a tractor in the float. Rodgers
sped down Main Street and ran a red light, while a witness
on the float called 911 on a cell phone, police said.

Officers started chasing Rodgers, who didn't stop for three
miles. Once he pulled over, he tried to attack an officer,
Dudley said.

Rodgers, whose child was on the float, faces more than three
dozen charges, including DUI, 18 counts of kidnapping and
assaulting an officer, authorities said.

===========================================


 Need some
unique Christmas cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards
 
===========================================

Thanks to Martin for a picture of his new RV



===========================================

 Mycheers Christmas Postcards
 Huge selection,
 all of them free postcards.

===========================================

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph
and Mary took baby Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."

===========================================

Doug stumbled into the bar and after several drinks confided
to his  friend Bill, "The next time I give her the ultimatum
'Sex or Walk'  I must remember to be in my own car
and not hers."

============================================


    Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
    Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
    http://www.AFreeDish.com


==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Pat
Re: Yahoo Mail crashing

Dear Webby:
My Yahoo mail is getting shut down almost every time I use
it by my I/E.  I guess the only alternative is to download
another browser like Foxfire, right?

I would appreciate your advice on this one.  I think a lot
of people are having this problem.  Could it be that
Microsoft is trying to force us to give up the old version
of I/E to use the new and flawed version of I/E?
What a buncha commies!
Pat

Dear Pat
Nah, that's just a routine Yahoo screw-up.

There have not been any changes to IE6, and Microsoft
even offers you a little utility to protect you from IE7.

I sent you a referral to Google's gmail.
That works.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
Ironton, Ohio - AP
The bride wore white, strains of the ''Wedding March'' were
in the air, and there was a minister and several guests. But
the location of a young couple's weekend nuptials was not
so traditional.

Aaron Grenier and Michelle Hogsten, both 24, exchanged
their vows Saturday at a nursing home in this southern Ohio
community.

The setting allowed Grenier's mother to be on hand for the
big day. Following a series of strokes and other ailments,
Beverly Cade, 48, was placed in the Jo-Lin Health Center
in February, and doctors have advised her not to leave.
She was seated down front for the ceremony.

''We just wanted her to be able to be there,'' Grenier said.
''That was what was important.'' He and his new bride said
they'd been planning their unusual wedding for six months.

It was the first ever held in the home's activity room, said
Peggy Dyer, Jo-Lin activities director. Other residents were
eager to be wheeled in so they could attend.

''It has been a long time since many of them had ever seen
a wedding,'' Dyer said. The wedding also was a novelty for
the minister. Rev. Richard Carter said he'd married inmates
at the county jail before but had never had a couple tie the
knot in a nursing home.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Paper Chain Garland
Looking for Christmas garlands that cost little or no money?
Make a paper chain garland using the funny pages from the
newspaper or colorful gloss ads. Just cut paper into strips,
tape or staple the loops as you chain them together.


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

Little Johnny was laying about on a snow pile. Puffy white
clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape.

Soon, he began to think about God.
"God? Are you really there?" Johnny said out loud.

To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds.
"Yes, Johnny? What can I do for you?"

Seizing the opportunity, Johnny asked,
"God? What is a million years like to you?"

Knowing that Johnny could not understand the concept
of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Johnny
could relate, "A million years to me, Johnny, is like a minute."

"Oh," said Johnny. "Well, then, what's a million dollars
like to you?"

"A million dollars to me, Johnny, is like a penny."

"Wow!" remarked Johnny, getting an idea.
"You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?"

God replied, "Sure thing, Johnny! Just a minute."

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers


Pervert Alerts are now at
http://posty.net/pervertalerts/

========================================

From Deeli, about the phone tax refund:
http://www.snopes.com/business/taxes/excise.asp

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
You can enter comments in the blog!

========================================

 Thanks to Chris for this Bonus Link:
Gallery of Snow Flakes
http://www.its.caltech.edu/~atomic/snow ... photos.htm


========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.    
have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: McAfee blocking newsletters? 

Wednesday, December 6, 2006, 05:04 AM

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  December 6, 2006
======================================

Money is much more exciting than anything it buys.
--- Mignon McLaughlin

You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.
--- Wayne Gretzky

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Southern Grandmother on the Witness Stand:

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer. In a trail, a southern small-town prosecuting
attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to
the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She
responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you
were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You
lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you"

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
One of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife
With three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him".

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge promptly asked both lawyers to approach the bench and, in a
very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows
me, I'll send you both to the electric chair"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters,
browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog 
===========================================

Sad News
There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year!

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity
Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been
able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the
stable.

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a liquor store burglar
Klutzy burglar
http://www.glumbert.com/media/badrobber

===========================================


 Need some
unique Christmas cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards
 
===========================================



===========================================

 Mycheers Christmas Postcards
 Huge selection,
 all of them free postcards.

===========================================

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of
another man on her night stand by the bed. He begins to
worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the HELL is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery!

===========================================

A Somali arrives in Toronto as a new immigrant to Canada.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street
and says, " Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country,
giving me housing, foodstamps, free medical care and free
education!"

The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican"

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you
for  having such a beautiful country here in Canada!"

The person says, "I no Canadian, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees
he stops, shakes his hand and says
"Thank you for the wonderful Canada!"

That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle  East,
I am not Canadian!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you a Canadian?"

She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

Puzzled he asks her, "Where are all the Canadians?"

The Russian lady checks her watch and says...
"Probably at work!"

============================================


    Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
    Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
    http://www.AFreeDish.com


==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Jaye
Re: McAfee blocking newsletters

Dear Webby:
once again can you help me get back your pages.
Since I downloaded McAfee Virus  I can no longer get  get you.
I have checked my security and it is not too high.
Thanks for your help.
Jaye

Dear Jaye
VirusScan has nothing to do with that.
You probably accidentally also installed their (rather flakey)
spam control program. That one, by default, trashes HTML
newsletters.
Just un-install that "Spamkiller", and the Humor Letter will
get through again.

I only recommend McAfee VirusScan and McAfee FireWall,
not the optional frills they sell on the side.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
December 4, 2006 - Portage, Indiana - AP

Employees in the city clerk's office are turning their
colorful language into a little green.

Since July, workers have generated about $120 by fining
themselves for using profanity in the office.

The money goes into a flower vase on Portage Clerk Ellen
Mesich's desk, and eventually will go to buy gift cards to
give to teen cancer patients at Children's Memorial Hospital
in Chicago. Mesich had a niece who died of cancer last
summer and was treated at the hospital.

Mesich started the foul-mouthed fund drive.

"One day I was noticing my mouth was a little foul, so I
decided I should have a cuss jar," Mesich said.

Fines range from a penny to $1.50, except on Monday
mornings, when there's a general amnesty because, after
all, it's Monday morning. Some people use IOUs or pay in
advance of stressful times.

Paying the fines has made some workers more watchful of
their words. "I've been catching myself more at home," Deputy
Clerk-Treasurer Lynn Reed said.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
December Food Best Buys
Buy foods that are in season and save money in December.
The food best buys for December are Apples, Broccoli,
Brussels Sprouts, Chicken, Cranberries, Grapefruit, Lamb,
Oranges, Oysters, Pork, Sweet Potatoes, Tangelos,
Tangerines, Turkey, Turnips and Winter Squash.


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

One day down by a river, a Baptist preacher had just
baptized a young lady. A few minutes later, a drunk,
non-religious man walked by the river.

The preacher said to him, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk replied: "Schure, I'll give it a try!"

The preacher got him in the water, dipped him in and
then raised him back up. He said, "Have you found
Jesus?"

The drunk said no.

The preacher again dipped him in and raised him back
up. The preacher said, "Have you found Jesus?"

The drunk again said no.

The preacher dipped him and raised him up for a third
time. He said, "Have you found Jesus?"

The drunk said, "Are you schure thisch isch where he fell in?"

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers


Pervert Alerts are now at
http://posty.net/pervertalerts/

========================================

From Martin
Hi again Helmut,

For what it's worth, I've used iWon.com as my home page for the last
6-7 years.  It has the criteria David mentions, plus the games are fun.
.....according to Spybot S&D, the few cookies are reasonable too.

The iWon Today page, with the TV listings (and other things I've set up)
is what I use for my actual home page.....then go to the other offerings from there.
http://home.iwon.com/iwon-homepage/home ... l?SEC=bnav

-------------------------------------------------------------------
From Cay

Dear Webby:
Your reply to David re trouble with Yahoo is fine. He might also
look into Earthlink's home page. I have had it for years and it is
easy to customize.
Merry Christmas from Florida!
CayC

-------------------------------------------------------------------
From Lillemor
Hi;  First--I Love your daily letter.!!.

Fun to see the story about the Christmas goat.Gävle,is the
County seat where I was born (I'm a Proud American by choice
for 50 years).

"Jul Bocken" as he's called in Swedish ,helps the Swedish
type of Santa to deliver the gifts,to be put under the tree
by the 24th of Dec.,as that's the time for the opening of
the presents.

Christmas Day starts with going to church,with the earliest
services starting at 6am (that's the way it use to be).
Well, I sure could go on telling you about traditions.Nice
memories from childhood.
THANKS again for the BEST daily on the web.
**MERRY CHRISTMAS**,Lillemor A.,CA

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
You can enter comments in the blog!

========================================

 Thanks to Chris for this Bonus Link:
Gallery of Snow Flakes
http://www.its.caltech.edu/~atomic/snow ... photos.htm


========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.    
have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: Custom Home Page 

Tuesday, December 5, 2006, 03:10 AM

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  December 5, 2006
======================================

The public will believe anything, so long as it is not
founded on truth.
--- Edith Sitwell

All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.
--- Edward Gibbon

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders
were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker
on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general
seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"

The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."

"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker
on the windshield."

The general said, "Drive on!"

The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have
orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."

The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm
new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters,
browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog 
===========================================

Showing his friend around his his home, Shayne started to
point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired
over their long years of marriage.

"The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got
just to see how much it's all worth."

"But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were
going to die, so how could you sell it."

"Simple: If I sell it, my wife would kill me!"

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Michael William McCabe, 45,
Report sent in by Wanda
Man back in jail after four minutes of freedom
By Jim Schultz, Record Searchlight
December 1, 2006
RED BLUFF – A Red Bluff man was arrested early this
morning on suspicion of burglarizing a Tehama County
Sheriff’s Department maintenance shop only minutes
after being released from custody after serving a
180-day sentence for drug possession, according
to Sheriff Clay Parker.

Michael William McCabe, 45, is accused of stealing
a cell phone and miscellaneous automobile repair
items from the maintenance shop. The value of the items
was estimated at $60.

McCabe was released from custody around 2:36 a.m.,
but was rearrested about four minutes later, a news
release says. McCabe entered the maintenance shop
upon his release through a door that he had left unlocked
in anticipation of his release, the news release said.
He had previously been an inmate worker assigned
to the shop to clean vehicles and assist in their
maintenance.

Jail staff watched the theft on a video surveillance
system, which recorded the incident.

He was booked into jail in lieu of $5,000 bail and will
no longer be considered for the department’s inmate
worker program.

===========================================


 Need some
unique Christmas cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards
 
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her "Special Orchid".



===========================================

 Mycheers Christmas Postcards
 Huge selection,
 all of them free postcards.

===========================================

Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac. Dr. Jones was fed up with her
constant complaints about non-existent illnesses, so he started
palming her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy.

One day she complained about chest pains and the doctor prescribed
his usual treatment. This time however, the pain was real and Mrs.
Smith died of a heart attack.

On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset he died of shock.
Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other in the
cemetery.

The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his coffin, followed
by a voice saying, "Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith. Do you have
anything for worms?"

===========================================

A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining
the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had
any experience

The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most
famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me
everything he knew."

"Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to
make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And did he teach you how to have six lions form a
pyramid?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?"

"Just once," the man replied.

The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?"

The man said, "I was looking for my father."

============================================


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==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: David
Re:

Dear Webby:
For years now, I've used Yahoo.com as my home page.  I liked the way
the page was laid out and I like the way the links performed.  Over
the past 8 months or so, they have changed their home page, the email,
the news, the over bearing ads, and last night I went to check my
local TV listing and they've screwed up that page too.  I don't care
for MSN.com lay out either.  Can you, or your readers, recommend some
good home pages that offers, news, TV listings, weather and other
stuff in an easy to use and read format?  I'd like to check out a few
to see what's the best out there.
Thank you,
David

Dear David
You can try the Google home page and customize it to your
liking.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
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    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
December 3, 2006 - Gavle, Sweden - AP

For 40 years it has been torched, vandalized, had its legs
cut off and even been run over by a car. But officials in the
Swedish city of Gavle are guaranteeing that this year's
giant straw Christmas goat, the victim of Sweden's most
violent yule tradition, will survive unscathed.

The 43-foot-high goat a centuries-old yule symbol that
preceded Santa Claus as the bringer of gifts to Swedish
homes has been burned down 22 times since it was first
set up in Gavle's square on Dec. 3, 1966.

But for its 40th anniversary Sunday, officials think they
have finally outsmarted the resourceful vandals by dousing
the battered ram with flame-resistant chemicals normally
used on airplanes.

"It is impossible to burn it to the ground this year, although
you might be able to singe its paws," said Anna Ostman,
a spokeswoman for the committee in charge of building the
goat. "After 40 years, we think we finally found the solution."

The company providing the fireproof treatment is so sure of
its resilience that its spokesman Freddy Klassmo told
newspaper Aftonbladet that "not even napalm can set fire
to the goat now."

For those who want to follow its fate, a 24-hour Web cam
has been set up to film the straw goat where it stands on
the central square in Gavle, 90 miles north of Stockholm.

While the origins of the Christmas goat are unclear, the
symbol is believed to date back to Norse mythology and
the two goats that drew the carriage of Thor, the god of
thunder.

Many Swedes place a small straw goat underneath their
Christmas tree, or hang miniature versions on the branches.

Since 1966, just 10 of Gavle's giant goats have survived
beyond Christmas Day. Aside from being burned, several
were beaten down and the 1976 goat was hit by a car.

The vandals are seldom caught, but the 2001 culprit
51-year-old American Lawrence Jones was convicted
and spent 18 days in jail.


=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fix Dings Before They Become Cracks
Winter temperatures are tough on vehicle windshields. You
can save yourself from having to replace your car windshield
down the road by getting dings repaired in a timely matter.
If you have comprehensive auto insurance, these repairs
may be covered and they often waive your deductible so the
repair in essentially free. Call your insurance to see if they
have a windshield repair program.


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new 
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You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob",
where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head
and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect
of a brand new face lift.

Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of
the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were
wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

   After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with
two problems: "All these years, everything has been working
just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always
loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying
problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes
and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags,
those are your breasts."
She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about
the goatee....."

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers


Pervert Alerts are now at
http://posty.net/pervertalerts/

========================================

From Connie R

Dear Webby
Good Morning!  You are absolutely correct with your reply to Richard,
and I hope there's many mothers out there who read your wonderful
newsletter and take heed.

Have a great day.
Connie




If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
You can enter comments in the blog!

========================================

 Thanks to Sandie for this Bonus Link:
Safe search engine for kids
http://zoo.com/


========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.    
have FUN !
Dear Webby

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---

Dear Webby: CD writer causes re-start 

Monday, December 4, 2006, 02:45 AM

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  December 4, 2006
======================================

You can never learn less; you can only learn more.
The reason I know so much is because I have made so
many mistakes.
--- Buckminster Fuller

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Bonnie for this:

For the first pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
A post from a week ago.

For the second pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
2 web crashes
And a post from a Week ago.

For the third pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And A post from a week ago.

For the forth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error Messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the fifth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 Error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the sixth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 6 disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 Jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the seventh pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
7 hours with no mail
6 Disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 Web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the eighth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
8 channels not working
7 hours With no mail
6 disconnections
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 Error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the ninth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
9 Dumb advertisements
8 channels Not working
7 hours with no mail
6 disconnections
5 frozen PM's
4 Jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a Week ago.

For The tenth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
10 propositions
9 Dumb Advertisements
8 channels not working
7 hours with no mail
6 Disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 Web crashes
And a post from a week ago

For the eleventh pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
11 pieces of Spam
10 Propositions
9 Dumb advertisements
8 channels not working
7 hours With no mail
6 Disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the twelfth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
12 reasons to unsubscribe.

Bonnie

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail



Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters,
browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog 
===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
My two brothers arrived at boot camp together.
On the first morning, their unit was dragged out of bed by a
drill sergeant and made to assemble outside.
"My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled.
"Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?"

My six-foot-three, 280-pound, brother raised his hand and said,
"Yes sir, I do."
The Sergeant replied with a snarl, "I had my eye on you
and I was hoping you would say that."

The sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him out in
front of the entire group.
"Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now is there
anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?"

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Chris Numme of Port Chester, NY
Can't handle a Porsche at 30 miles per hour

December 1, 2006 - PORT CHESTER, N.Y. - AP
(photo below)

This is one big "Uh-Ohh." A mechanic who finished doing
minor bodywork on a $500,000 sports car crashed the
Porsche Carrera GT into a telephone pole, while he was
driving it back to the customer.

Mechanic Chris Numme of Port Chester says he and a helper
were in the car when he swerved to avoid a truck and lost
control. Numme said he was going no faster than 30 miles
per hour. He's said he's thankful he and his friend are alive.

Numme had fixed a crack in the car's side at his repair
shop and was returning the silver sports car to a Greenwich,
Connecticut dealer when he crashed.

The car’s owner is 70-year-old Robert Greenhill, an investment
banker from Greenwich.

The two-seater limited-edition sports car's engine boasts
more than 600 horsepower. The car can accelerate from a
standing start to 60 miles per hour in under four seconds.

Numme said his insurance company has already located a
replacement car.

===========================================


 Need some
unique Christmas cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards
 
===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this picture:.



===========================================

 Mycheers Christmas Postcards
 Huge selection,
 all of them free postcards.

===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this observation:

My sister decided that marriage is not for her. She has no
end of trouble trying to double any recipe in the book.
For example her oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

===========================================

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of
migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history
and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has
had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the
advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I
learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've
gotten from my own experience.

When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot
bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife
sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand,
especially around the forehead. This helps a little.
Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom,
and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to
have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is
immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and
see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.
"Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS!
I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST
time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds,
"I fixed that dripping tap in your bath."

============================================


    Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
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    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Buddy
Re: CD drive causes a restart

Dear Webby:
I began to have this problem recently. When i put a disk
into the CD write drive to store info or make a duplicate
copy the computer shuts down immediately and restarts
itself. is the drive bad or is it another problem. Thanks
Buddy131j

Dear Buddy
Yes, I would say the drive is bad.

You can try re-installing the burner software, but I have a
hunch that may be a waste of time.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
December 1, 2006 - PR Newswire
Engineers have developed a system for taking anonymous
cell-phone location information and turning it into an illuminated
traffic map that identifies congestion in real time.The
system takes advantage of the steady stream of positioning
cues--untraced signals all cell phones produce, whether in
use or not, as they seek towers with the strongest signals.
It is the first traffic-solution technology that monitors
patterns on rural roads and city streets as easily as
on highways.

Developed by IntelliOne of Atlanta, Ga., the TrafficAid
system could not only help guide drivers around tie-ups,
but also tell emergency responders where accidents are
or how effectively an evacuation is unfolding by pinpointing
clusters of cell phones.

"Unlike sensors and other equipment along major freeways
that are expensive and take years to deploy, our system
takes advantage of existing cellular networks in which
wireless carriers have already invested billions of dollars," s
aid National Science Foundation (NSF) awardee and IntelliOne
CEO Ron Herman, a former engineer and computer scientist.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Choosing a Veterinarian 
When you are choosing a veterinarian, ask friends and family
in your area if they have a vet they would recommend. It's
important to find a vet that is good with both people and
animals; someone who is willing to take time to answer
any questions that you may have.


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks
and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady
stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son.  She brought
her selection, a baseball bat, to the cash register.

"Cash or charge," the clerk asked.

"Cash," she snapped, then apologizing for her rudeness.
She explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the department
of motor vehicles and I am way past sane."

The clerk kindly asked, "Shall I gift wrap the bat,
or are you going back there?"

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers


Pervert Alerts are now at
http://posty.net/pervertalerts/

========================================

From Richard: 
Dear Webby,
You or Deeli mentioned that "The boneheads who released
the training baby into the girl's care, knowing that she was
driving home with it, should be charged with attempted
murder!"

Since the young lady didn't have a driver's license, perhaps
they could be forgiven for assuming that she would not be
driving.  However, the next student that they gave a similar
doll to might have a valid license and a similar accident
could have occurred.

We do have a long term problem when some woman with
a valid driver's license and a real baby are driving and the
baby starts to cry.  We can only hope that she doesn't drive
until the baby has cried many times and she realizes that
she does not have to respond immediately.

I do know someone with four children between infant and
14 years old who was paying more attention to the child in
the back seat than the car in front of her until it was too late
to avoid an accident when that car stopped at a traffic light.

Perhaps we should just keep stupid people from driving but
then the stupid girl didn't have a license and should not have
been driving.

Maybe the answer is seatbelts and airbags for the rest of us.
Richard

Dear Richard
maybe the answer is a LOT more chlorine in the gene pool?

The whole idea of measuring the response time between a
baby crying and the mother responding, is absolutely moronic
to start out with!

Instant response just creates a spoiled and irresponsible brat,
that sooner or later winds up in jail.

The ONLY action that requires an instant response, is when
a sibling is throwing  the crying baby out the window.
Anything else can wait until it is safe to pull over to the curb.
THAT is what the morons should have taught the kids, not tell
them that they will be graded on how efficient they are in
pointing kids towards jail.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
You can enter comments in the blog!

========================================

 Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:
Tassels
http://www.prettyimpressivestuff.com/tassels.htm


========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.    
have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

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