Dear Webby: Pipe Dream 

Good morning,   !
Saturday,  December 30, 2006

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
--- Mark Twain


If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!


, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Chris for this story:
My wife and her friend were talking about their
labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway.
Her friend said, "I love my new garage-door opener."
"I love mine too," my wife replied, and she honked the
horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out
and open the garage....!


  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this story: John "Jack" Bolt, who went to his final reward in 2004, was the only two-war US Marine Corps ace. As a junior officer during World War II, he scored six enemy kills while flying the Vought F4U Corsair. As a major during the Korean War, he scored six more while flying the North American F-86 Sabre on an exchange tour with the US Air Force. Jack Bolt was a hoot! During a commercial airline flight several years ago, he was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing him as discreetly as possible. Jack pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, Bolt responded: "Gosh, that's a good looking baby... and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. Jack sadly shook his head, and in true fighter pilot fashion exclaimed, "Damn! And all these years I've been chewing gum. ===========================================
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=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Claude King, 31, of Boca Raton, Florida Lost Carjacker December 28, 2006 - Boca Raton, Florida - IBS Police said a man who carjacked an SUV in Boca Raton drove all the way to Palm Springs before becoming lost and calling 911 on himself. According to police reports, Claude King, 31, approached Caroline Funkey's black GMC Envoy while it was stopped at a red light in Boca Raton. The report said King smashed the driver's side window and pulled the driver out of the vehicle. Once inside, police said King began to punch the other four passengers. One of Funkey's friends, Kellina Beach, 18, struck her head on the pavement as she fell from the SUV and had to receive stitches at Boca Raton Community Hospital, police said. According to the report, once King got the passengers out of the SUV, he began to drive wildly around the area, finally heading southbound down Interstate 95. Police said that, while heading southbound, King struck a white Chevrolet pickup and decided to turn around and head north. According to the report, he then struck another vehicle along the way and decided to pull over in Palm Springs. A few minutes after the alleged carjacking, police said they received a 911 call from a pay phone in Palm Springs. It was King. "Um, I committed a crime," King allegedly told the dispatcher. "I stole a vehicle." When the dispatcher asked for his name, King allegedy said, "I'd rather do this: Could you just send the police over here?" The dispatcher then asked where the stolen car was located, to which King replied, "I couldn't even tell you. I don't even know where I'm at." Palm Springs police Officer Lt. Mark Hall said they found King sitting on the curb near the stolen SUV. According to the police report, Boca Raton police arrested King and took him to the hospital for a swollen right hand. King was then booked into the Palm Beach County Jail, where he was being held without bail. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Western sky as seen from my office yesterday, 12/29/06 If you want the big version, let me know. ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
=========================================== Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion. The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed the door. Now THAT, my friends, is getting even! =========================================== A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carole Re: Where to return Norton Dear Webby: How can I find a phsical address to return this junky norton anti virus? I appreciate your help in this. Carole Dear Carole They would probably lock me up for conspiracy to murder if I told you. However, I really don't know. You can check their site at By the way, in case you need the Norton removal tool, it's in my toolbox at Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 20, 2006 - Birmingham, Alabama - AP The scales of ''American Idol'' may have tipped in Ruben Studdard's favor in 2003, but there are other scales he would like to tip a bit less. After shedding almost 100 pounds, the Birmingham native and ''American Idol'' winner says he wants to help other residents of Alabama to lose weight. He's asking the 25 percent of the state's residents who are obese to lose 10 pounds in eight weeks a total of 10 million pounds. Since committing to a weight-loss program this summer, Studdard has lost nearly 100 pounds, started eating healthier and begun exercising, according to a news release announcing the program. ''I'm not where I want to be, but I'm on the right track, and I'm excited about encouraging other Alabamians to begin their own weight-loss journeys,'' said the 28-year-old singer, whose third album, ''The Return,'' was released in October by J Records. Scale Back Alabama, an eight-week weight-loss campaign, kicks off Jan. 4 with an event featuring Studdard. The campaign is being jointly sponsored by Alabama's hospitals, the Alabama Department of Public Health and Barber Dairies.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Slicing Round Food To prevent an onion, bagel, or anything round from rolling while you slice it, cut a small slice from an edge and use that as a base. Then it it will not roll as easily and is much safer. By Janet
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at ======================================== The Math Professor. posed this problem: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-third is to go to his son from his first marriage, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" A student in the back of the room answered, "A lawyer?"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at You can enter comments in the blog!
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Funny ad videos
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Pipe Dream There will be a minute of ads first, just like with TV. THEN the movie will start. By the way, that music machine was NOT built from John Deere parts! Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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