Dear Webby: Don't Start 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Feb 19, 2007
Presidents Day in the US,
Family Day in Alberta

Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end.
It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when
you've had everything to do, and you've done it.
--- Margaret Thatcher


Thanks to Ross for this story:
Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Mexican restaurant.
Sid asked Al, "Are there any people of our faith born and
raised in Mexico?"

 Al replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."  When the
waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
and the waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cooks."
He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said
"No sir, no Mexican Jews."

 Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked,
"Are you absolutely sure?"

 The waiter, realizing he was dealing with "Gringos" gave
the expected answer, "I will check again, Senor!" and went
back into the kitchen.  While the waiter was away, Sid said,
"I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico.
Our people are scattered everywhere."

 The waiter returned and said "Senor, the head cook said
there is no Mexican Jews."
"Are you certain?" Al asked once again.
"I can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!"

 "Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replied the exasperated waiter,
"All we have is Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews,
and Grape Jews."


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A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a tramp
steamer to be trained as a helmsman.

He masters the classroom instruction, then starts his practical
training on the wheel of the vessel. In his first lesson, the
mate gives him a heading, and the young fellow holds to it.

Then the mate orders, "Come starboard."

Pleased at knowing immediately which way starboard is, the
young man leaves the helm and walks over to his instructor.

The mate has an incredulous look on his face as the helm
swings freely. Then, rather gently considering the circum-
stance, he asks politely, "Could you bring the ship with you?"


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Liliana Duenas, 24, from Covina, California Woman With Bat Attacks In Taco Bell Drive Thru In an alleged outbreak of road rage, a woman attacked another woman with a baseball bat in a Covina Taco Bell drive-through. The incident took place on Thursday at 700 W. Arrow Highway around 1:30 p.m., according to Covina police Lt. Tim Doonan. Both women, each driving a sport utility vehicle, arrived at the drive-through entrance at about the same time, Doonan told reporters. Liliana Duenas, 24, of Pomona, became very angry after believing that she had been cut off. She and the other driver left their SUVs and began to argue. Duenas then pulled a baseball bat from her vehicle, according to the San Gabriel Tribune. The other women went back to her SUV after the 5-foot-1-inch Duenas started swinging, the Tribune reported. She struck once on the victim's vehicle and one of her arms, causing hundreds of dollars of damage, Doonan told the newspaper. The SUV's door took the brunt of the attack and saved the victim, a 31-year-old Baldwin Park resident, from serious injury, Doonan told the Tribune. Duenas was then arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and possession of an illegal weapon -- a set of brass knuckles that were found in her SUV during the arrest. According to the newspaper, she is being held in lieu of $30,000 bail. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Arturas for this picture: Seems the blueprints were upsdide down... =========================================== Maxine, the platinum blonde, reported for her final examination which consisted of Yes / No answers. She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper, and then in a bit of inspiration, took a quarter out of her purse. She started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for heads and "N" for tails. Within 30 minutes she was all done whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out. During the last few minutes of the exam period, Maxine frantically started flipping the coin again. The moderator, concerned about what she was doing, stopped by her desk and asked if she was ok. "Oh yes, I'm fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago--but," explaining the frantic coin tossing, "I'm going back through and checking my answers!" ===========================================
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=========================================== My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just before school that she needed to take a clean tee shirt to class. She told us the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it. My wife frantically swept through my daughter's room, finding nothing usable but one tee shirt that already had something printed on one side. She sent it off to school with my daughter. That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her shirt. On one side it said, "Families are Forever." And on the other, "Be Smart, Don't Start." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patti Re: Bone Yard Dear Webby, Thanks to Dianne for the link to "Bone Yard.' Was just discussing this with friends, knew it existed but not where. Having fun, Patti Dear Patti This time of year the Boneyard and the museum are a great place to visit. Do NOT go there in summer. It's way too hot, no shade, and not much wind amongst all those tens of thousands of planes. You can get a pretty good view even with Google Earth. "Fly To" Tucson, AZ The air museum is north-east of David Montahan Airforce airport The boneyard is just off Kolb road. The resolution is good enough that you can recognize many of the planes. If necessary, crank the resolution of your monitor settings to 1600x1200. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 17, 2007 - Bismark, North Dakota - AP Among the thousands of people frantically flapping in the snow Saturday in an attempt to set the record for the most snow angels ever made were parents, children, even snowplow drivers. And then there was Pauline Jaeger - who on her 99th birthday, was making her very first angel. "It's fun," Jaeger said. "I feel just like a kid." More than 8,900 people flapped their arms and legs on the state Capitol grounds Saturday in an attempt to reclaim the record, which was snatched away about a year ago by Michigan.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Gutter Cleaning Tips A small garden shovel works well for scooping debris out of gutters. Make your own gutter shovel with a 1 liter plastic pop bottle. Cut off the bottom of the bottle and half of the cylinder to make a scoop. If your gutters sag, the water will not flow properly. Remove all debris and re-attach gutters. Use a hose with a pressure nozzle to clean out clogged spouts. Use a plumber's snake for stubborn clogs. Patch leaks with outdoor caulk.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do *you* know, Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so" "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil, I will give up drinking for life" "How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no-one will know" The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and a triple Southern Comfort on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "... and could you put the Southern Comfort in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not the mayor dressed up as a Nun again, is it?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at _________________________________________________________
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======================================== From Joyce: I'm sorry i wasn't home to vote but i just got in tonight & voted. I know it is late but Happy Valentine Day. Oh i love you making the snow angel -- I like to make them myself. Love your humor letter keep up the good work. Take Care Joyce ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: President's Pets
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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