Dear Webby: Camera Batteries 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  Feb 21, 2007
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There's no substitute for hard work. If you work hard and prepare
yourself, you might get beat, but you'll never lose."
--- Nancy Lieberman-Cline

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Thanks to Kati for this story:
People frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days
interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went
into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, and when I came
out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and
said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi."

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn
tires.

So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo."  He finished the second
ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started
writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I
abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that
he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in
'08."

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important
to my health.

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Thanks to Martin for this story:

A cocky Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a
 farm and talked with the old farmer; "I need to inspect your farm."
 The old farmer said, "You better not go in that field."
 The Agriculture representative said in a "wise" tone, "I have
 the authority of the U. S. Government with me. See this card, I am
 allowed to go wherever I wish on agricultural land."

 So the old farmer went about his farm chores.

Later, the farmer  heard loud screams and saw the Department of
Agriculture rep running for  the fence; close behind was the farmer's
prize bull. The bull was  madder than a nest full of hornets, and the
bull was gaining at every step.

 "Help," the rep shouted to the farmer, "what should I do?" he
 screamed helplessly.

 The old farmer, hooking his thumbs in his overalls, called out:

 "Show him your card!"

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to February 6, 2007 - Buffalo, New York - Canadian Press A Canadian man was rescued from the Niagara River after trying to cross into the United States in the middle of the night in a rubber raft, telling U.S. authorities it was all so he could pay a credit card bill in person. Wayne Kingwell, 40, of Fort Erie, Ont., was pulled to safety by state police and firefighters Monday on the U.S. side of the river near Grand Island. Kingwell told authorities he set out in his raft around 2 a.m. with the intention of paying off a credit card bill in Buffalo. He said he was looking at an $85 fee if he mailed the payment from Canada. Officials say Kingwell also told them he can't drive across the nearby Peace Bridge connecting Ontario and New York because of a past legal dispute with the Canadian government. Kingwell was taken to a local hospital to be treated for hypothermia. Later, he was taken into custody by the U.S. Border Patrol and now faces a charge of illegally trying to enter the United States. ---------------------------------- Past legal disputes, like for example a DUI conviction, will make entering the US difficult or impossible. Some people found out the hard way about that when they had to change planes in the US on their way to a vacation in Mexico or further South. When changing planes involves going through security, passports are scanned and run though the database. If there is a past DUI or dope conviction, dad and the herd of kids are sent on to Mexico, mom is deported back to Canada and has to pay for a no-discount flight. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Jeanine for this picture: My wolf dog, Dakota Star and I are singing/howling Jeanine =========================================== Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda..."The Apostles were in one Accord." ===========================================
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=========================================== That reminds me of this story: A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the bible a little, and get your hair cut; then we'll talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if he could use the car. His father said, "Son, I'm really proud of you. You brought your grades up, studied the bible well, but you didn't get your hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Camera Batteries Dear Webby I really enjoy your humor. It is so nice to read good clean jokes & nice pics. I have a question about camera batteries. I have an inexpensive Kodak digital camera & use rechageable batteries in it. Later this year I plan to fly to Calif. I will of course be taking the camera. I plan to pack it in my checked baggage. What I am curious about is it better to take the batteries out of the camera before packing? Also should I do the same w/ the memory card. Thanks for your help. Sharon Dear Sharon The planes they use nowadays are much faster than the stage coach and your flight to California is not going to take much longer than your usual trips to the mall. Don't worry about the batteries or the memory chip. If you take along a bag full of spare batteries, definitely put them into the checked luggage, along with everything else that might look suspicious on the X-ray. Anything that has an ON/OFF switch shold be securely taped in the OFF position. Luggage is NOT handled gently, and all the stories about electric devices miraculously turning themselves on and causing a lot of embarrassment are not jokes. If there is ANY sound coming from your suitcase, you have to unpack it while surrounded by security guards with explosive shields and drawn guns pointed at you. It even happened to my nephew, when rough luggage handling in Vancouver turned his battery powered razor on. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 2007 - Cosmorama, Brazil - AP A 66-year-old Brazilian saved his grandson from the grip of a 16-foot-long anaconda by beating the snake with rocks and a knife for half an hour, police said Thursday. ''When I saw the snake wrapped around my grandson's neck I thought it was going to kill him,'' Joaquim Pereira told the Agencia Estado news service. ''It was agonizing, I pulled it from one side, but it would come back on the other.'' Pereira's 8-year-old grandson, Mateus, was attacked by the anaconda near a creek on his grandfather's ranch in the city of Cosmorama, about 250 miles northwest of Sao Paulo. While the boy was playing with friends, the snake attacked and wrapped itself around him, police officer Hudson Augusto said. Anacondas are not poisonous, but kill their prey by coiling around them and squeezing until victims suffocate. ''It brought me to the ground and bit me,'' the boy told Globo TV, which showed footage of the dead snake. ''Then it started crawling up my neck and began suffocating me.'' Mateus' friends ran to get his grandfather, who reached the scene and battled with the snake until it released his grandson. The boy was rushed to a hospital and needed 21 stitches on his chest where he was bitten. Police said anacondas are not uncommon in the region, but attacks on people are rare.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mineral Deposits in a Clothes Iron When the vents in your iron get clogged with mineral deposits, it will not function properly. If you use distilled water when you iron the deposits will no longer be a problem. To remove mineral deposits, put equal parts of vinegar and water in your iron and turn it on the highest setting. Let the steam work it's way through the iron until the clogs have cleared. That trick works with coffee makers too. Regular white vinegar seems to work best. DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing of the hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to me was the only male to venture a number. "Looks like 9 pounds," he offered confidently. "This must not be your first," I said. "Oh, yes," he said. "It's my first." "Then how would you know the weight of a baby?" I asked. He shrugged. "I'm a fisherman." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== He was on the bus where he normally gets his lunch stolen when he brought out a bottle that had what looked like small brown balls in it. He then, making sure no one was looking, secretly took from his pocket some milk duds and started popping them in his mouth, as obvious to the rest of the kids as possible, making yum yum noises. The bully, without asking, snatched the jar from Ken's hand and asked, "What's in the bottle that you are making such a big deal of?" "Well, they're smart pills." "Smart pills?" the bully asked, then opened the jar and popped a couple of the foreign brown balls in his mouth. "Pweeuuweppblahhh!!" he reacted. "What is this stuff? It tastes like rabbit turds!!" "See, you're getting smarter already." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Major League BB http://mlb.mlb.com/index.jsp
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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