Dear Webby: Newsletter Delivery Times 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  Feb 28, 2007
======================================

Good ideas are not adopted automatically.
They must be driven into practice with courageous patience.
 Hyman Rickover

The trouble with America is that there are far too many
wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth.
--- Charles Luckman

=======================================

More Light Bulbs

How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
One-third less than for a regular bulb.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give
it a surprising twist at the end.

How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb?
Ooooonnnnnnnne.

How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb
itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
reality in a nether world of endless absurdity reaching out
toward a cosmos of nothingness.

How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?
Change?

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
That's not funny!

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It turn
ed itself in.

How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it sure takes a truckload of light bulbs!

How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb
installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light
bulb?
Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure out what
to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

How many college football players does it take to change a
light bulb?
The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

How does a home schooler change a light bulb?
First, mom checks three books on electricity out of the
library, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a
biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life.
Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods,
wrapping up with dipping their own candles. Next,
everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types
of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much
change they'll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and
pay with a five dollar bill. On the way home, a discussion
develops over the history of money and also Abraham
Lincoln, as his picture is on the five dollar bill.  Finally,
after building a homemade ladder out of branches
dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed.
And there is light.

======================================

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 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Ross for this story:
A man walked into a bar in Louisville, Kentucky and ordered
a drink.  While he was sitting at the bar watching TV, one of
Hillary's political ads came on. After it went off, he stood up
and announced to everyone, "Hillary is a horse's ass!"

The bartender reached under the bar and brought out an oak
club about 18 inches long and hit the man square across the
head, knocking him off his stool and onto the floor.

After a minute or two, the man got up, straightened himself
up and said to the bartender, "I'm sorry. I didn't know this
was Hillary country."
"It's not!" replied the bartender.
"This is horse country".

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Calum McFadyen, 35, from Scarborough, England Airhead February 23, 2007 - Scarborough, UK - Ananova A Scarborough man lost his wedding ring - after he tied it to his son's helium balloon and it floated away. Calum McFadyen, 35, tied the gold ring to the string of four-year-old Henry's balloon to see if he could weigh it down. But as he watched television in the front room he heard Henry open the front door and wave goodbye to the Thomas the Tank Engine balloon as it floated off with the ring still attached. Mr McFadyen, 35, a housing support officer, said: "The ring has not been off my hand in years - I was just messing about with the kids. I guess it could be in France now! "My wife wasn't too impressed and told me it was a stupid thing to do. I tend to agree! "I've been getting a ribbing from the people at work but I deserve it. Now I just want the ring back." Wife Vicky, 36, said: "This could only happen to my husband, he's one of those people!" ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this picture: OOOPS, wrong universe! =========================================== Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can be implanted and play music inside women's breasts. The music is in stereo, of course. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts, and not listening to them. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Ira and Esther Goldberg had a large family of seven healthy children. They moved to America from Europe and were having a difficult time finding an apartment to live in. Many apartments were large enough, but the landlords objected to such a large family. After several days of unsuccessful searching, Ira asked Esther to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery, while he took the older three to find an apartment. After they had looked most of the morning, they found a place that was just right. The landlord asked the usual question: "How many children do you have?" Ira answered with a deep sigh, "Seven...but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery." He got the apartment! ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Humor Letter delivery times Dear Webby, There are three folks at this address using the same computer and of course the same internet service. The question is why do I receive your Humor letter first via Yahoo while one using gmail and the other using peoplepc receive your Humor letter later? Just curious. Thank You John Dear John New subscriptions are added to the end of the list. If their gmail address is a few thousand lines farther down, then naturally it will arrive later. because of the pictures, it takes a few seconds for each letter. If there are time constraints, for example someone trying to get it before going to work, tell me what the address is, and I'll manually move it to the top. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 23, 2007 - New York, New York - AP Beavers grace New York City's official seal. But the industrious creatures have not been seen in the flesh here for as many as 200 years until this week. Biologists videotaped a beaver swimming up the Bronx River on Wednesday. Its twig-and-mud lodge had been spotted earlier on the river bank, but the tape confirmed the presence of the animal itself. "It had to happen because beaver populations are expanding, and their habitats are shrinking," said Dietland Muller-Schwarze, a beaver expert at the State University of New York College of Environmental Science and Forestry in Syracuse. "We're probably going to see more of them in the future." Beavers gnawed out a prominent place in the city's early days as a European settlement, attracting fur traders to a nascent Manhattan. The animal appears in the city seal to symbolize a Dutch trading company that factored in the city's colonial beginnings, according to the city's Web site. But amid heavy trapping, beavers disappeared from the city in the early 1800s, according to the city Parks & Recreation Department. The beaver that has made its way to the Bronx appears to be a male, several feet (a meter) long and two or three years old, said Patrick Thomas, the mammals curator at the nearby Bronx Zoo. Biologists have nicknamed the animal "Jose," as a tribute to U.S. Rep. Jose Serrano's work to revive the river.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stubborn Drawers and Doors When dirt and dust builds up on drawer and sliding door runners, they can become squeaky and tough to open and shut. To fix this, rub a bar of soap or a piece of paraffin wax on the runners. This will act as lubrication and allow the runners to slide smoothly. If the runners or sliders are teflon or nylon, clean them with a tough kitchen sponge and clean, hot dishwater. They work best when perfectly clean. If necessary, use windex to remove old wax or soap. Wax or soap should only be used on bare wooden runners. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to the folks from Erie for this story: A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you." The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thank ye ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." She said, "Don't be flattered... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit." __________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes." The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "I'm feeling a might thirsty, I think I'll be wishing for a pint of stout." POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, "I'd look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you." So he looks at the bottle, and it is magically filling back up with stout. The genie told him, "That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it." The genie then asked, "What other two wishes can I grant for you?" The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, "I'll be taking two more of these." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: War maps http://www.mapsofwar.com/images/EMPIRE17.swf
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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