Dear Webby: Why increase virtual memory? 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  March 11, 2007
======================================

Rogues are preferable to imbeciles
because they sometimes take a rest.
--- Alexandre Dumas

The time to stop talking is when the other person
nods his head affirmatively but says nothing.
--- Henry S. Haskins

=======================================

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded
to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly
phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

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A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly
Gates. The Angel explains that admission requirements are now
a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have
managed to slip into Heaven without being detected.

He queries the first candidate: "What was your annual salary,
and what was your profession?

"I made $450,000 as an attorney," comes the reply.

"You may enter," says the Angel, "take elevator #2.".

Second candidate, same question.

"I made $95,000, I was a realtor." He is also permitted to
enter and was told to take elevator #4

Now it is the third man's turn.

"My annual income was $175."

"Cool!" replies the Angel, "take elevator #9. By the way,
what ezine did you publish?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Larenzo Dixon, 22 from Louisiana Jay Walk to jail A man wanted in Louisiana for investigation of murder and murder for hire was taken into custody after he was stopped for jaywalking at a trolley station, sheriff's officials said Saturday. San Diego County sheriff's deputies were enforcing a "no tolerance" policy at the Lemon Grove Trolley station on Wednesday, authorities said, when they saw Larenzo Dixon, 22, cross the street illegally. Deputy David Perrapato became suspicious after he said Dixon gave him one name then signed another on his jaywalking citation. After taking him into custody for using a false name, authorities said they discovered there were outstanding warrants for his arrest on murder and murder for hire charges. Sheriff's Sgt. Paul Robbins said Saturday that Dixon would be returned to Louisiana to face the charges. He also praised Perrapato. "Because of his enforcement actions, one more potentially violent predator was taken off the street," Robbins said. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Brenda from Triangle B for this picture: Also have a look at Brenda's "Horses Sold" page for a hilarious picture of that horse parodying it's new ower's smile. Triangle B Tennssee Walking Horses =========================================== Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," Morris said. "why aren't there any customers' yachts?" ===========================================
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=========================================== A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have todays paper?" The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Diana Re: Why increase virtual memory Dear Webby, Just love your newsletter and advice. Can you tell me the benifits of increasing virtual memory? What is your recommendation for the size it should be? Thank you very much, Diana Dear Diana Windows often needs more memory than is available in your RAM chips. Then it declares a part of the hard drive as virtual (fake) memory and parks older stuff from the RAM there, until it is needed again. Your computer will work the best if you set your virtual memory to about four times the amount of RAM you have installed. Have FUN! Dear Webby Related to that is a letter from Bill: Webby, Why would one not just allow Windows XP to automatically adjust the size of the virtual memory rather than set it manually? Thanks, Bill Dear Bill Bill If you do, Windows just keeps hogging more and more space to use for virtual memory. Beyond a certain point that gets very inefficient and slows things down. It's like tools on the workbench. It's handy to have SOME tools within reach, but when the pile of tools on the bench cramps your work space and it takes longer to dig tools out from the pile than it would to get them from their proper drawer, then it's time to set some limits. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 3, 2007 - Charlotte, North Carolina - AP Emily Lineberger missed her gymnastics class this week, but thanks to the 11-year-old's heroics, she and her mother survived what could have been a tragic car wreck. Emily was riding in the back seat of the family car Tuesday when her mother, Dayna Lineberger, started feeling lightheaded. Ulcerative colitis had caused Lineberger to feel faint before, so she decided to get food at a nearby restaurant. "Then it just hit me," said Lineberger, 40. "The last thing I remember is screaming to her, `Tell me where to turn,' because I couldn't see. " While heading into the restaurant parking lot, Lineberger's head rolled back and she passed out, Emily said. "I just screamed like crazy," Emily said. She leaned forward and grabbed the wheel. Her mother's foot was still on the gas pedal, but Emily steered to avoid a car before their car hit a telephone pole and stopped unharmed. Doctors later said Lineberger was dehydrated from the colitis. "It was just her instinct and God riding on her shoulders," Lineberger said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get a Smart Thermostat Install a programmable thermostat to adjust your furnace when you need less heat. Program your thermostat to heat your home less when you are asleep or at work. Programmable thermostats can be purchased at your local hardware store and are relatively easy to install.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The stressed-out department store clerk quits and becomes a cop. "How's the new gig?" his friend asks. "The pay is bad and the hours are awful, but I love that the customer is always wrong." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'" A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that." The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?" The member of the flock said, "I sure could." "How would you do it?" "With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!" ========================================
Thanks to Doris for this Bonus Link: Enchanted Highway http://www.enchantedhighway.net/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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