Dear Webby: Not getting the mail out 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  March 12, 2007

"Life reflects your own thoughts back to you."
--- Napoleon Hill

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
--- Mark Twain


A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling
faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good
mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and
write him out a warning instead of a ticket.

So, he asks the man his name.
Fred," he replies. Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells
him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer
thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along
with it.  "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me I was
born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name.
The kids used to tease  me all the time. So I stayed to
myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older
I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through
college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got
my degree so I was, Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to
go back to school. Dentistry was my dream.
Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was
now; Fred Dingaling MD DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with
my assistant.
She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD.
Well, the ADA  found out about the VD so they took away my
DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found
out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD,
so they took away my MD leaving me as,  Fred Dingaling with VD.
Then the VD took away my dingaling so now  I'm just Fred."

The officer walked away in tears he was laughing so hard,
and tore up the ticket


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An elderly retired couple were driving down the East coast, when they
stopped in Georgia for a fuel stop.  The elderly woman was very hard
of hearing, and usually asked her husband to repeat everything.

An elderly station attendent came to the car and started filling the
fuel tank. Making idle talk, he asked if the man liked the weather, to
which the man replied, "very much".

What'd he say?, asked the woman.  "He asked if I like the weather, and
I told hime yes", replied her husband.

"Where are you-all headed", asked the attendant.  "Oh, we're going to
Jacksonville", he repied.

"What'd he say?", asked the woman.  "He asked where we're going, and I
told him to Jacksonville", the husband replied.

"Where are you-all from", inquired the attendant a few moments later.
"Oh, we're from Maine," the man replied.  "Ah, I was in Maine for two
years while I was in the Air Force, replied the attendant.  In fact, I
dated a girl from Maine while I was there.  It didn't last long
though. I have to tell you, this girl was the worst in bed of any girl
I ever knew."

"What'd he say?" inquired the woman.

"He said he thinks he knows you," replied her husband.


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gerry Edwards, of Center Point, Iowa Wrong place, wrong time March 7, 2007 - Riverside, Iowa - Ananova A US photographer has been fired for urinating in a cemetery while covering the funeral of a soldier killed in Iraq. Gerry Edwards, of Center Point, Iowa, was sacked by KGAN-TV, reports the Des Moines Register. He was covering the funeral of Sgt James Musack, 23, of Riverside, Iowa, when he urinated in the cemetery while waiting for the procession to arrive. A journalist from a Kalona newspaper was nearby and photographed the incident. The editor sent the photo by e-mail to KGAN managers. The editor wrote in the email: "Urinating behind a statue of Mary in a Catholic cemetery within clear view of... numerous members of the Army who were on hand for the funeral, is inexcusable." Within hours, KGAN officials escorted Edwards out of their building and gave him the choice of either resigning or being fired. When he refused to resign, he was fired. At a recent hearing for unemployment benefits, he testified he was unable to leave the cemetery to urinate for fear of missing the funeral procession. "I feel like I did nothing wrong except take care of business," Edwards said. "If I went in my pants, that would be really unprofessional. If anybody saw me, you know, walking around - it would have froze. So I'd have icy urine on my pants." He blamed KGAN managers for insisting that he get a shot of the funeral procession. KGAN Station Manager Mike Sullivan declined to comment. ---------------------- Professional photographers usually chose a sheltered location between parked cars for that, and if possible, "focus" on the door lock or the fresh air intake on the car of a competitor. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for these pictures: Look what showed up in my yard today! Sandie =========================================== "Please" the man would beg of anyone who would listen, "just loan me a hundred dollars. I'll double it in no time and pay you right back." People would shake their heads and walk away. However, one night he ran into a generous oil man from Texas who handed him a crisp C-note and said, "Here, boy, enjoy yourself!" After thanking his generous benefactor he walked over to the Black Jack table and blew the money in five minutes. The next night when he saw the Texan, he again asked him for some money, and again the Texan gave him a hundred-dollar bill. But that too was gone within a matter of minutes. This continued for more than three weeks. Every night the Texan would give him money, and every night it would be gone almost before he had it. Finally, in desperation, the unhappy fellow told one of his friends about his experience with the generous Texan. "There's only onr thing to do," his friend told him "Lose the bum. he's bad luck for you!" ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Rosie for this story: Having survived my first driving lesson, I emerged from the car to come face to face with a woman standing on the pavement. "A bit nerve-wracking, was it?" she asked. "More than that," I laughed, "My instructor reeks of BO and has a bit of a wind problem. No way do I want a lesson from him again!" "I know the feeling," said the woman coolly. "I've been married to him for 20 years. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Liane Re: Not getting my mail out Dear Webby, I am writing this with gmail, because you and most people don't seem to get mail from my regular business address. What am I doing wrong? Liane Dear Liane Except for Telus, very few ISPs censor outgoing mail. Most likely you are using a childish autoresponder and got blocked and blacklisted by the people who had written to you before. Nowadays autoresponders are only appropriate when they provide real information. A good example is: "Write to ... to get an up to the minute road report from a guaranteed unmonitored and safe autoresponder." Telling somebody that mail arrived and that you may or may not get around to answer it some day, is NOT considered real information. That is considered as dumb a nuisance as any other unsolicited mail. Like me, a lot of people trash mail from autoresponders right on the server, unseen by anybody, and at the same time automatically blacklist the sender. Just dump that blocked and blacklisted address, get a new address and don't use a silly autoresponder on the new one. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 7, 2007 - Central, California - Do One Nice Thing "Malnourished children are angry children... Any little thing would set them off." They're not angry anymore. In fact, they're blossoming thanks to Mary and Michael M, founders of Vitamin Relief USA. Michael, a psychologist, was managing homeless shelters in Central California, when an idea struck him. Why not give vitamins to children living on the street? Maybe it would fortify them and protect them from illness. He tried it, and the results were so striking that he was asked to start a nonprofit vitamin program for homeless kids. Today, just 7 years later, Mary and Michael run Vitamin Relief USA, providing daily vitamins to 28,000 at-risk children at over 500 sites in 39 states. It also provides daily multi vitamins to over 3,300 low-income seniors and calcium to 14,000 seniors across the U.S. Mary and Michael find out who needs help, then get manufacturers to ship vitamins directly to agencies and schools.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Befriend Your Butcher and Baker It's a good idea to ask the butcher and baker at your local grocery store what time they put out discounted items. If they are nice enough to tell you, plan your shopping trips around when discounted items will be available. Both meat and bread freeze well for later use. Chefs and gourmet look for darker, brown colored beef that has had a chance to age and get more tender. The better steak houses age their steak 20-22 days before using them. However, because the uneducated masses usually prefer bright red and fresh looking meat and won't buy meat when it turns brown, the stores generally put discount stickers on beef when it is 2-3 days old. Pork is still fine at a week old, but chicken, turkey and fish is best when fresh. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
There was football game between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did" said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too" said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "SO WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST HALF?" demanded the coach. "Well" said the centipede, "I was putting all my boots on. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== Thanks to Mark for this report: I asked Betty the other day what she liked most about me. "Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?" "Your wacky sense of humor, dear." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Famous jewelry
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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