Dear Webby: Outlook Limit 

To: h@posty.net
Subject: Humor: Outlook Limit 


Good Morning,  Text-Start !
Monday,  April 2, 2007
======================================


"It doesnít matter how strong your opinions are.
If you donít use your power for positive change,
you are, indeed, part of the problem."
--- Coretta Scott King


=======================================


Doggie Quotes


"If your dog is fat, YOU aren't getting enough exercise!"


"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."


"In dog years, I'm dead."


"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn
around three times before lying down."


"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that's how dogs spend their lives."


"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't
got the guts to bite people themselves!"


"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we
come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -
chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the
greatest hunters on earth!"


"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs
should relax and get used to the idea."


"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the
wag of his tail."


"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than
he loves himself."


"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."


"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of
amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think
humans are nuts!!"


======================================


Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!


===========================================


An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with
a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl
at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.


He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!"  "I'm sorry,"
The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the theater."
The guy goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into
his pants.


He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in.
Inside the theater, the chicken starts to get hot and
begins to squirm.  The man unzips his pants so the chicken
can stick its head out and watch the movie.  Seated next to
him is a woman.  She looks over at his lap and is horrified.


She elbows her friend and whispers, "Blanche, this man over
here has just unzipped his pants!"


Blanche whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've
seen one, you've seen them all."


Louise says, "I know, but this one's....EATING MY POPCORN....!"


===========================================


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk in Dortmund, Germany Too drunk ! March 18, 2007 - Germany - Ananova A German man has been arrested after he climbed into an emergency postbox for unwanted babies while drunk. Heinrich Mueller, 28, slid down the chute and ended up in an emergency incubator, triggering alarms among medical staff. But instead of another unwanted newborn baby, they found Mueller smoking a cigarette. He then fell asleep as staff worked out how to get him out of the incubator at the hospital in Dortmund. Hundreds of babies have been deposited in the boxes set up across Germany and Austria since the scheme started five years ago. It came into effect after more and more young mums unable to cope with their newborns had been abandoning them on the street. The baby boxes offered a safe 'no questions asked' alternative. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture: =========================================== I work in a department store where every night at closing time one of our customer service representatives reminds shoppers over the public address system to finish their shopping. One evening, a woman who had recently worked at Kmart opened the announcement by saying, "Attention Kmart shoppers . . ." Quickly realizing her mistake, she tap-danced her way out of trouble by adding, ". . . you are in the wrong store...." ===========================================
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=========================================== A well-dressed businessman was walking down the street when Little Johnny, covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell me the time?" The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man." "Thanks," said Johnny. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my butt." With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. He has not been running long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running like this at your age?" asked the friend. Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the businessman said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his butt!" "So what's your hurry?" said the friend. "You still have ten minutes." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Renee Re: Outlook Limit Dear Webby I read that Outlook suicides and loses all the mail if you have too much mail in it. Is that true, and if so, what are the limits? Thanks Renee Dear Renee Yes, unfortunately that is true. The limits are not hard and predictable. Usually it is fairly save to keep a year's worth of mail in it, as long as the IN, OUT and other most used mailboxes are kept small and tidy. Some people have been able to keep it going for two-three years, but sooner or later the inevitable crash happened. If you need to keep mail for over a year for business purposes, then I would recommend Eudora. With Eudora you can esily split off months or years or clients and store them on a CD, and return them if and when needed. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 24, 2007 - Augusta, Georgia - AP The accidental death of an east-Georgia sheriff's deputy triggered a new chance at life for a fellow deputy who received one of his co-worker's kidneys. Richmond County Sheriff Ronnie Strength said Friday that deputy David James was recovering from transplant surgery. James, whose own transplanted kidney had been faltering, was given a kidney from deputy Eric Sikes, who died Wednesday from injuries he sustained in a car accident. Strength said he got a call around 4 a.m. Friday telling him the operation was done late Thursday night and into the morning. He said the transplant went well and that James was in recovery. ''That's all we know right now,'' he said. Sikes, 24, a two-year road patrol deputy, was fatally injured in a car accident Tuesday morning in Hephzibah. He ran off the road and became pinned between two trees while on his way to work, authorities said. His family offered his kidney to James. Sheriff's Sgt. Taryl Elim said she was in contact with James' wife, Kellie, all day Thursday and that the James family was optimistic. ''It's a very bittersweet situation, but there's nothing we can do for Deputy Sikes at this time,'' Sgt. Elim said. ''Maybe he can live through David.'' James has had medical problems, including kidney trouble, for nearly 17 years since he was shot five times while attempting to make an arrest. His left eye and kidneys were damaged. His mother donated a kidney to him, but that kidney has been failing and he has been on dialysis since Christmas. His family has been searching for a donor for months. Strength said he is saddened by the loss of deputy Sikes, but commended the family. ''It's a terrible tragedy,'' he said. ''It's such a great thing what this family did to help another officer ... It's something none of us ever want to see _ especially one of our fellow officers killed or injured. Our condolences and prayers go out to the Sikes family.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
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A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say..." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom...." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Tim for this story: When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors. As a young attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect. Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, "My son is a lawyer." As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney. "Only to mow my lawn." ======================================== ======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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