Dear Webby: Filters for forged address spam 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  April 14, 2007

I'm still on the laptop. As expected, DELL's tech support
crew in India desperately tried to blame the motherboard
failure on Windows and wasted a lot of my time. They
even wanted me to wipe the drive and re-install Windows!
I proved them wrong by swapping the hard drive with an
identical one from my secretary's machine, but by then
the day didn't count any more for "Next Day on-site 
replacement, and even though weekends are "business
days" for their sales department, they don't count when
it comes to warranty work. It will probably be Tuesday
when I finally get a working motherboard. 

That is still faster than ordering a new machine. They drag
that out to 7days or more between the time I place an
order and the time a machine actually arrives.

I did look at their site, though, to see what they offer 
these days. 

That was a nasty surprise!

No matter how noisily they lie about listening to customers,
they are doing the exact opposite. Nobody in their right
mind wants a Vista machine, because Vista doesn't work
with most printers, scanners, cameras and other accessories,
and is unacceptably slow.
"Cutesy nuisance" is probably the kindest description of it.
Yet DELL offers just Vista macines except for one lone, 
grossly overpriced XP unit. All the rest are heavily 
subsidized Vista machines. 

Let's hope their snotty arrogance paints them into a corner!
There is definitely a big opening for a competitor who 
actually DOES listen to what people want.

In the meantime, if you need a new computer, the best 
strategy is to buy one of those cheap, subsidized Vista
machines, format it and put XP on it. Since Vista machines
have to be much more powerful and a lot faster to be able
to run Vista even slowly, they are real speed demons
with XP.

All the NorthAmerican and some Chinese techs, that I have 
talked to, plan to skip Vista, just like they skipped DOS4 
and Netscape 4.

I hope you realize the significance of that! 

That means your local computer fixers won't have any 
experience or interest in helping you with Vista.

Hang on to your XP install CD's 
or buy a spare while you can!

Have FUN!


A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants
to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests 
a faithful dog.

The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"

The owner says, "How about a cat?"

The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do 
everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"

The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, 
"I've got it! A centipede!"

The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a 
centipede doing everything, but okay. I'll try a centipede."

He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, 
"Clean the kitchen."

Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's 
immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been 
washed, dried, and put away; the countertops cleaned; 
the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely 

He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."

Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. 
The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned 
and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; and the 
plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the
most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet 
that can do everything!"

Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner 
and get me a newspaper."

The centipede walks out the door. Ten minutes later, no 
centipede. Twenty minutes later, no centipede. Thirty 
minutes later, no centipede.

By this point, the man is wondering what's going on. 
So he goes to the front door, opens it, and there's the 
centipede sitting right outside.

The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 
45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!"

The centipede says, "I'm going! I'm going! I'm just putting 
on my shoes!"


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There once was a drunk man who decided to visit

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and
said, "Wow,  these seats are big!" The person next to
him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to
visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a
beer and got a mug placed between his hands.

He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The
bartender replied, "Everything is big  in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the drunk asked the
bartender where the bathroom was located. The
bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The
drunk man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally
tripped over and skipped  the second door. Instead, he
entered the third door, which lead to the  swimming
pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to
death, the drunk man started shouting, "Don't flush,
PLEASE, don't flush!"


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Natwest bank in Pinner, Middlesex, UK Just bank keys, no big deal April 13, 2007 - Pinner, Middlesex, UK - Ananova A cleaner left the keys to a bank's front door sitting on top of a cashpoint. Staff at the Natwest didn't even thank the honest passer-by who found them and returned them safely the following morning, reports the Daily Mirror. Paul Andrews, 58, couldn't believe his eyes when he spotted the keys while out walking near his home in Pinner, Middlesex. He said: "I tried them in the door and theyt worked, so I locked up, put them in my pocket and went home. It's ridiculous. "They spend loads making sure everything is locked and then someone leaves the keys outside. I'm pleased I haven't got an account with them." Paul rang the police, but two officers who turned up said: "You could open up for them and hand the keys back personally." However, Paul said embarrassed staff were far from appreciative the next morning. Branch manager Kay Patel said: "They're the cleaner's keys. If anyone had gone in the alarm would've gone off. Security would be here in an instant." But Paul hit back: "I rang the emergency number on the door and left a message but nobody got back to me. I did a good thing and instead of thanking me they were defensive. That annoyed me." ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== =========================================== A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!" POOF! He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside." POOF! Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." POOF! He's back in his government office. ===========================================
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=========================================== Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Forged address Dear Webby I get all kinds of mail that has my address forged into the sender address. Since I DO send mail to myself as a fast way to record and file notes, I can't block my own address and spam gets through the same way. How do I filter forged addresses? Alex Dear Alex You will notice that spammers usually use some name other than yours, just your address. Put your name into the sender name field. All email programs have a way of doing that, even OE. Then make a filter that IF the Sender address contains AND the sender address does NOT contain "Alex P" then dump the mail automatically, don't even list it. If your address has been assigned and contains your entire first and lat name, then make the sender name slightly different, for example by adding a middle initial. If the incoming mail does not have the initial, it gets dumped. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 11, 2007 - Indianapolis, Indiana - AP A runaway horse pulled a carriage with two out-of-town tourists on a wild ride through downtown streets, until a teenager rode to the rescue in a pursuing taxi, leaped out and grabbed the horse's reins. The driver of the Yellow Rose Carriage was thrown from her seat when a van crashed into the buggy Sunday afternoon. ''The carriage driver lady just flew off the carriage,'' said William Basler, 19. Basler ran after the carriage to try to stop it. A taxi driver saw what was happening, slowed and told Basler to jump in. The cab chased and passed the carriage, and Basler jumped out, grabbed the reins and stopped the horse. ''It was just instinct,'' Basler said. ''I was just worried about the people inside of it.'' He needed instinct, since he said his only experience with horses was riding one once when he was 15. Police said carriage driver Kathleen Moriarty, 53, was briefly knocked unconscious but was not seriously hurt. The passengers complained of some pain and were examined at a hospital, said police Sgt. Matthew Mount. The horse was not injured. Police said the van driver, Timothy D. Carlson, 46, of Indianapolis, faces several preliminary charges including felony possession of a controlled substance, misdemeanor counts of driving under the influence, public intoxication and operating a vehicle without a license.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Cable baggies Better yet than cable ties are cable baggies, especially when the time comes for the annual dusting. Or is that biannual? I fold all the slack cables into tight bundles, stuff those into a sandwich baggie (the cheap old-over type that you sometimes pick up by accident), and secure them with a rubber band, if I can find one, or else with electrical tape. The combination of plastic and static from the computer seems to repel dust and the baggies remain clean for ages. ---From Richard Talking about dust..... Remember to vacuum out the computer at least once a year! The side cover comes off easy, but get ready for a real shock when you look inside and see a dust bunny orgy in full swing! Especially if the computer sits on the floor, it sucks in all the floating dust and fluff and mysterious stuff. Naturally that impedes the cooling and ages the components a lot faster than proper cooling would. That's why they put the main air intake near the bottom in the front. Any vacuum will do, a furniture crevice tool will help but isn't really necessary. Just vacuum out the dust bunnies and thoroughly clean the heatsink fins that cool the CPU. Usually the space between the decorative and totally idiotic and totally unnecessary plastic front cover looks even scarier. Try to get the worst out with a crevice tool before you pop it off, or it's going to be very messy. To pop that plastic front off, push the springy plastic tabs that you see sticking into the actual computer towards the middle and forward. That releases one side and you can easily remove it. Have FUN DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
In Social Studies class the teacher was talking about peoples last names, about how in the old days their last name used to be their occupation. She gave examples like Baker, which meant they where a baker for a living, Miller meant that person worked in a flouer mill, and so on. A little boy raised his hand and the teacher said "Do you have an example for the class?" He said " Not really, Miss Hancock, more of a question." "Well what's your question?" the teacher asked. "Well,Miss Hancock," said the little boy, "What did YOUR ancestors do for a living?" =============================================
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======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== I was wearing a red shirt yesterday, to show my support for the troops, but with all the computer hassle, I forgot to remind you. I am curious to find out how many are actually participating and rememberd on your own? Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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