Der Webby: Installing XP 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  April 19, 2007

"Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier."
--- Colin L. Powell


Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and
two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a
huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and
charges at you.  You are carrying a Glock Cal 40, and you
are an expert shot.  You have mere seconds before he
reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

1)  Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the
knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of
message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content
just to wound me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes,
have a paint and weed day and make this a happier,
healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for few weeks
and try to come to a consensus and AAARGH!

2)  Republican's Answer:

3)Southern Republican's Answer:

...(sounds of reloading)

Daughter: Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those my Winchester
Silver Tips or Mom's Hollow Points?

Son: Git-R-Dun Pop!  Can I shoot the next one?

Wife: You ain't taking THAT to the taxidermist!


The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver
transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant,
a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."

"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you
think you need all these transplants."

"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that
I needed to get reorganized."


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The aging process could be slowed down if it had to
work its way through Congress.

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting
in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there, he
noticed that some souls were allowed to march right
through the Gates of Heaven; others, though, were led
over to Satan, who threw them into a burning pit of

Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the
fire, Satan would toss him (or her) to one side. After
watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's
curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over
and tapped Satan on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, there, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm
waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help
wondering why you are tossing those people aside
instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with
the others?"

"Ah", Satan said with a grin. "They are people from
Seattle; they're still too wet to burn!"


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to mugshot stars in Florida April 6, 2007 - Orlando, Florida - AP America loves a good mug shot. The more frizzed, frazzled and frantic, the better. An Orlando entrepreneur has seized on that fascination, recently starting JAIL, a weekly newspaper filled with nothing but unflattering booking shots page after page of them, with only a few ads in between. "A mug shot is a couple notches below your driver's license picture," said Devin James, 41. "And everyone takes a messed-up driver's license picture." Mug shots have gained popularity online thanks to sites like The Smoking Gun, which feature embarrassingly bad arrest photos of pro athletes, musicians and Hollywood A-, B- and C-listers among them, a wild-haired Nick Nolte, a grumpy-looking Glen Campbell and a blowzy Wynonna Judd. In JAIL, the stars are the readers' neighbors, charged with everything from drug possession to prostitution to murder. James said he got the idea nearly a decade ago after doing a three-month stint in the Orange County Jail following a loud fight with a girlfriend. He published two issues in 1999 but gave up when it didn't take off. Using $600 he earned moving furniture, James launched the paper again in December. "The timing is right for this paper now," he said. Before jail and JAIL, James' journalism experience consisted of reading the occasional magazine or newspaper. James said he distributes more than 8,000 copies weekly and struggles to keep stores stocked. The paper sells for $1 at about 175 mom-and-pop convenience stores in Orange, Seminole and Osceola counties. James delivers them himself. "We sell out of them each week," said Rafael Gil, manager of the Plaza Market in Orlando. "I had to place the paper by the cash register because customers thought it was free and were walking out the door with it." Thousands of arrests each week in the paper's three-county distribution area provide plenty of material, all obtained free from police and sheriff's departments. James carefully chooses the mug shots that go on the front page. (He has learned that attractive women on the front sell more copies.) Sue Cravens, a bail agent in Sanford who advertises in JAIL, said the paper may have helped authorities capture some suspects. Sindy Lowe, who manages a gas station that sells JAIL, said she has recognized several people in the paper. "Once I even saw my sister-in-law in there after she violated her probation," Lowe said. "I didn't even know she had been arrested." ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for sending this picture: These and some more bloomed today. The others are at =========================================== *Seen Signs* These signs might not communicate what was hoped for. On a California freeway: Fine for Littering On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service: Able to Do the Worst Possible Job In a New York jewellery store: Genuine Fauz Pearls In a Kansas City oculist's office: Broken lenses duplicated here In a Boston fast-food parking lot: Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only Billboard on Florida highway: If You Can't Read, We Can Help On the Triborough Bridge in New York: In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart: We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas. At the basketball court in a Gastonton, North Carolina, YMCA: Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended On a Rapid City store: Give That Bride a Good Case of Worms or Other Fine Bait On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant: The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur In a Grand Rapids restaurant: Half baked chicken In a Dayton barbershop: During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore: Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books On a library in Marlboro, New Hampshire, honouring Robert Frost: Frost Free Library ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to
=========================================== Car rental brochure, Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Install XP Hello Webby, How would one install XP on a Vista machine? Would an upgrade version of XP work or must drive be formatted & a full install done? Wrere would you find the utility to format drive? It would be formatted to NTFS? Where would you find the drivers for the hardware (motherboard, modem, video, etc.) of a Vista machine? Would XP do it for you? Wanted you to know I look for your newsletter before I have my my coffee in the morning. Thank You for an excellent job, Steve Dear Steve Vista is as different as if it was a Martian Mac OS, and some people believe it is. You have to stick the XP setup CD in, shut down and boot from it, then format the drive and kill everything on it, then install XP. XP has all the drivers and stuff it needs on the install CD. Then you can guard against iIE7 slithering in by downloading and installing the currently most popular software at Microsoft: The IE7 Blocker Once you are protected from that, set XP for automatic updates, install your favorite virus protection, firewall and spam control programs. Then you are all set. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 6, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters A 95-year-old German woman solved a series of mystery thefts in a retirement home when she set a trap, hid in a toilet, and caught the thief red-handed. "It was a real case of Miss Marple," said a police spokesman in the eastern town of Saalfeld on Thursday. "It's good to know there are still courageous old ladies out there." The elderly sleuth left cash out in her room as bait and then withdrew to the toilet to lie in wait. A cleaner then entered and pocketed the money, unaware she was being watched. "Then the old lady hit the alarm button in the toilet and staff in the home nabbed the cleaner," the spokesman said. The cleaner, 36, later confessed to police she was responsible for other thefts from the home near the spa resort of Bad Lobenstein.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Fighting Mildew with Bleach Dear Webby This is to follow up on the tip from Thrifty fun to fight mildew. A safer and better alternative than bleach is BORAX (chemical name: Sodium perborate). It can be purchased in laundry aisle of most supermarkets. The common brand is "20 Mule Team borax" Just mix the powder with water, it forms a suspension, then use that with a wet cloth. You can use a spray bottle but occasionally they spray nozzle might get clogged. But borax (imo) is safer to use than bleach and I used it last year to good effect. Nari
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
Hotel catering to skiers, Austria: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, " please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sprite Storms
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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