Good Morning, ! Saturday, April 28, 2007 ====================================== "To get rich, never risk your health. For it is the truth that health is the wealth of wealth." — Richard Baker ======================================= "How was your blind date?" a college student asked her 21 year old roommate. "Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce." "Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so bad about that?" "He is the original owner." ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Thanks for your votes! =========================================== A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to police in Hull, East Yorkshire, England Hysterical Vegetables protected by dumb cops April 25, 2007 - East Yorkshire, UK - Ananova A huge operation aimed at sabotaging the Government's GM potato trial backfired - when the 250 protesters got the wrong field. They swooped on the 16-hectare site, outside Hull, armed with shovels and planted thousands of organic potatoes, reports the Guardian. Activists from Mutatoes.org apologised to farmer David Buckton after it emerged that they wrongly identified his land as the site of the GM trial. The field they planted was sown with beans. Mr Buckton, 54, said the mix-up was the strangest event to have befallen his family in four generations of farming. He said the protesters were accompanied by two police officers on horseback. "I told the police officers that it was a bean field but they said the protest seemed peaceful so we'd better let them get on with it. The beans are just peeping through. The protesters should have been able to see that," he said. ----------------------------------- Not much point in suing the turnip brained idiots, but I hope the farmer sues the cops for protecting the hysterical vegetables, who ruined his field! Plants have been modified since the stone age. It makes no difference, whether it is done by selecting natural mutations, or hybrids or gene modification. For example, by the mid 1400's the Aymara Indians in Peru had developed more than two hundred varieties of potatos, that grew at elevations greater than 10,000 feet! It is the lack of modifying that is dangerous! Look at the Irish potato famine, that decimated the population of Ireland so badly that it still has not recovered today. Because of strict standardizing and not allowing natural mutations to become new fashions, there was no variety, which could cope with three years of "Global Warming" and wet years, which favored a blight fungus more than the Standard Irish Potato. Over a Million people died of hunger because of that, and over two Million emigrated. I realize that some gene modification efforts, like the Roundup resistant grains from Monsanto, were a bit boneheaded and pure ammunition for the hysterical sheep, who badmouth anything, that is from a major American company, and were used by Europe and Russia, with a lot of help from The Enemy Times, to shift grain sales away from the US and to European farmers. However, there have been quite a few very benficial wheat modifications, that very few people know about. If you are interested, have a look at Science Daily http://snipurl.com/1iir9 That is just one example. When some idiots get hysterical against all plant modifications, and sabotage testing of new varieties, then in my opinion they were obviously let out of the caves prematurely, and should be returned promptly. Dear Webby ===========================================
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture:Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yeth, they uthed to be," remorsed the patient. ===========================================
=========================================== Teacher: If you had $1.00 and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have. : "I would have $1.00!" Teacher: "You don't know your arithmetic." : "You don't know my father!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fast Eddie Re: Which computer is faster? Hi Mr Webby; I am in search of another computer and saw one over on "Tigerdirect" it is....... eMachines T3516 ----- $249.00 Refurbished Intel Desktop PC Blah, blah, blah.... a page full of hype and specs And I have one here at home (below!) I just wanted to know which one is faster? (in speed!) Reason why is because I want to give one of these to my daughter and I would like something faster! Gateway GM4019E AMD Athlon 64 3500+ DVDRW Media Center Blah, blah, blah.... two pages full of hype and specs Fast Eddie Dear Fast Eddie Whichever machine has fewer programs and utilities, will be the faster one. The hardware makes little difference, since the slowest part is the chair-to-keyboard interface. Tech support from Gateway doesn't have quite as bad a reputation as Compac/HP, so, if I had to choose between those two machines, I would pick the Gateway. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ==========================================LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
Deeli's Kudos April 20, 2007 - Knoxville, Tennessee - AP A Tennessee teenager says he's learned his lesson about drugs. The 14-year-old boy's father made him stand outside his Knoxville middle school wearing a sign reading, "I abused and sold drugs." The father told a Knoxville TV station that the nation's "extreme drug problem" calls for "extreme measures" by parents. He said he found about his son's involvement with marijuana and OxyContin by reading his MySpace page. The sign-carrying punishment ended when the school's dopy principal came out and asked the father to call it off. Seems he was afraid somebody would make him stand there with a placard too. The boy said it was embarrassing, but added that he's learned that "drugs are for losers."
=============================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Opening Jars Having trouble opening a jar? A latex dishwashing glove will help you grip the lid. If it is still stubborn, tap the lid lightly with the back of a butter knife. This will break the seal, but be careful not to break the glass jar. You can also use a pair of strap wrenches:The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Use one on the lid and the other one, upside down, on the neck of the jar, close to the lid. The rubber strap adjusts to any size jar or plumbing pipe. The very first time you use a strap wrench, it may be a bit puzzling for a moment, because the concept is much simpler than you expect. Put one on the neck of the jar and try turning it while holding the jar. It will slide in one direction and grab in the other. Flip the strap wrench so that it grabs the neck when you turn the handle in a clockwise direction. Then put the other strapwrench onto the lid upside down compared to the first strapwrench, so that it grabs when you turn it counter-clockwise. When you turn it counter-clockwise while holding the other strapwrench steady, the lid unscrews without much effort at all. Strapwrenches usually cost between 99 cents and $1.99 and they are a much appreciated gift for elder relatives, especially if they have arthritis. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt======================================== Thanks to Simone for this confession: My sex life is so bad ... that when I called one of those phone sex lines, a voice came on and said, "Not tonight. I have an earache." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?" As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son piped up, "I know! It's the one they have in front of the grocery store." ========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Mediterranean Coastline, prehistoric http://tinyurl.com/ekvxk======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:have FUN ! Dear Webby
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Friday, April 26, 2007 Wear something red today to show support for the troops!" ====================================== One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. --- Helen Keller "Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away." --- Tom Clancy ======================================= Thanks to Fast Eddie for bringing back this classic: A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. When he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, and then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed . "What kind of idiot would name a bird Moses?" "The kind of idiot that would name a Rottweiler Jesus." ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:=========================================== Thanks to Noella for this picture:Rainbows from last night in Bolivar, Missouri. While we were looking at this, my husband who is a truck driver, had to pull off to the side of the road on his way home because the rain was so strong! Noella =========================================== April 23, 2007 - Peru, Indiana - AP An 11-year-old girl stopped a van that went out of control when her diabetic mother became ill, police said. Indiana State Police Senior Trooper Joe Swisher said Abigail Parker's actions were ''nothing short of heroic.'' Besides stopping the van, Abigail kept her mother and 8-year-old brother calm and informed paramedics about her mother's condition, Swisher said. State police dispatched an ambulance and troopers to U.S. 31 south of Peru on Saturday after the girl called 911 and another person reported a reckless driver. Officers found the van stopped, partially blocking the southbound lane of the highway. Deborah Parker, 36, of Muncie, who had been driving, was unaware of her surroundings. She was treated for low blood sugar. Abigail told police her mother had started driving erratically at about 80 mph. The girl said she climbed from the rear seat of the van onto the woman's lap and managed to stop the vehicle before calling 911. ===========================================
=========================================== "So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any other skills you think may be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel." "Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours." Mrs Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office hours. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Billie Re: How to blur Dear Webby: With my old camera I used to be able to have the prime object nice and sharp and everything else a bit blurred by precisely setting the distance. With my new camera everything is auto- matic and I can't set the distance. Is there a way to fake the same results? Billie Dear Billie With some digital cameras you can half depress the shutter button and force it to take a reading. Then you can move the camera and it will use that setting, when you fully depress the shutter. However, that does not always blur what is not in precise focus, especially with a small lens type camera and bright lighting. In the old days photographers smeared vaseline onto the lens and cleaned the portion they wanted sharp with an alcohol soaked swab. With a large lens camera you can still do that, but I would not really advise it. The alcohol can affect the coating on the lens. It is a lot more precise and predictable to do the blurring after you got the picture onto the computer. Any graphics program like PaintShopPro or Photoshop will do it nicely. Use the retouching tool, set it to a round shape and a hardness of about 50%. Select it to SOFTEN. Then wipe it from the edges in towards the area that you want to leave sharp and crisp. You can also use the irregular shape election tool, lassoo the sharp area, invert the selection, and then blur or soften the entire selected area in one shot. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com =======================================================================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ring Around the Collar My husband gets ring around the collar because he has oily skin. I use liquid dishwashing detergent and smear it on the stains and wash as usual. The oil comes right out. Cheap shampoo also works well. By MistyCheck out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Pianos http://tinyurl.com/35687f======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:have FUN ! Dear Webby
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Thursday, April 26, 2007 ====================================== The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up. --- Paul Valery One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered. --- Michael J. Fox ======================================= Thanks to the Express Empress for this: Call Center Classic: Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?". --------------------- If that worked for my car, I'd turn it back a few days and get rid of it. Blew the engine in it today and lost most of the day because of it. However, while waiting for a tow truck, I got a few hours of way overdue sun tanning. After the Crysler dealer told me that it would be next month before I could get, for $200, an estimate on how much the repair will cost, I decided to rent a car for the duration. Well, Budget Rental Cars has banker's hours and had closed at 3:30 PM. However, there was a used car lot there, and a really cute, bright red convertible. I asked how much that one was. He quoted me just about exactly the amount that I had budgeted for renting a car. A few minutes later my MasterCard had a bunch more Airmiles, and I drove off in my first convertible. If somebody had planned to spoil my day, then they failed miserably. ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:=========================================== Thanks to Nita for this picture:Dear Webby, Thank you so much for Sandi's pictures of the burrowing baby owls....fascinating!! This picture is a Band Tailed Pigeon who returned to Oregon yesterday after a well fed winter in Mexico. Nita =========================================== Nurse: "Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step what should I do?" Doctor: "Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!" ===========================================
=========================================== Thanks to Rosie for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the business trip's on after all. I'll call you when I get there." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: Lost mouse Dear webby: My grand son has lost his mouse. I think he has melinium not sure of the spelling of it. And I'm not sure of the keys that can be used to find it. Got any ideas On this problem ? Rheta Dear Rheta Eery time I lost a mouse and rebooting didn't help, plugging in a new one fixed the problem. They don't last very long, especially the cheaper ones. Worst are the $1.49 mice that get shipped with new computers. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com =======================================================================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dividing Up Your Ground Beef I cook up 10 pounds of ground beef at a time and then I divide it up into one pound packages (our family's size) and just freeze it. Then when I get home from work, all the hard work is done. I can make tacos, casseroles or whatever quickly by reaching into the freezer. By ValerieCheck out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== Money isnt everything It can buy a bed - but not sleep It can buy a clock - but not time It can buy you a book - but not knowledge It can buy you a position - but not respect It can buy you medicine - but not health It can buy you blood - but not life It can buy you sex - but not love So you see, money isn't everything, and it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering. So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. And if anybody does, I'll eat a broom! ========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Know hwat you eat http://tinyurl.com/ynml9w======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Wednesday, April 25, 2007 ====================================== "It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well." — René Descartes ======================================= Thanks to Cookie for this story: An authority on African animals was giving a lecture. When he finished, he asked for questions. One man stood up and asked, "Is it true that the wild animals in Africa won't bother you if you carry a lighted torch?" The speaker replied, "That depends on how fast you carry it." ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this update on the burrowing owl chicks from across the road from her house. They are already larger than fist size.=========================================== Two friends meet in the street. The one lad looked forlorn and almost on the verge of tears. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?" The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars." "That's not bad." "Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear." "I'd like that." "Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million." "The how come you look so glum?" "And this week - nothing!" ===========================================
=========================================== Helping his wife wash the dishes, a minister protested, "This isn't a man s job." Oh yes, it is, his wife retorted, quoting 2 Kings 21:13: "I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down." ------------------------ By the way, did you know that the Bible states that brewing coffe is the man's job? On quite a few pages it says it right at the top: He brews =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Camera memory chips Dear Webby; I have another question for someone I consider to be an expert. I am taking pics w/ a digital camera & have a memory card. I usually take 15-20 pics a month at our church gospel sing. Then I take them from the camera & resize to about 480 px. and put them in a folder in my documents before emailimg them on to others. Then I take these pics & put them on a disk to be sure I don't lose them. After I have done this I am in the habit of deleting them from the memory card. Is there any amount of time this card can be used over & over before it will need to be replaced? I don't like keeping them on the card because it gets too confusing. I have even saved some of your dad's cactus pics. Thanks ever so much for your time & patience. Sharon § Dear Sharon Dear Sharon I have heard of camera chips that were stepped on, vacuumed up, eaten by toddlers or pets, but never of one that stopped accepting data. At a rate of 20 pictures per month, you can probably copy pictures on and delete them from that chip for about 3000 years, maybe more. So, don't panic yet. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com =======================================================================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Clothing Off Season When buying new clothing, I purchase my winter clothes and shoes in the summer and my summer clothes in the winter. For used clothing, yard sales and church rummage sales are great places to find nice clothing. By JaniceCheck out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 12-month-old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said, "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite. ========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: World's only Corn Palace http://tinyurl.com/27veg6======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Monday, April 23, 2007 ====================================== The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost ======================================= Thanks to Dianne for this story: Two mothers are having a conversation about their children one day. "How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings?" asks Joan. "Oh, that's easy," replies Marianne. "I just throw the cat on his bed." "Why does that wake him up?" "He sleeps with the dog!" ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:=========================================== Thanks to Rubye for sending this picture of her orchid:=========================================== Wendy was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, Wendy had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box. Fortunately, her husband was six-feet-tall so she called him to help. "Hey, James!" Wendy yelled , who was in the living room. "Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?" "Sure, Honey," James remarked as he bounded into the kitchen. "But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'" ===========================================
=========================================== Thanks to Dave and Judy for this: This is a unique personality evaluation. There are only 4 questions but the results are very interesting. I was kind of shocked by what some of my answers meant. Be honest and honor what pops into your mind when the questions present themselves. You don't fill anything out and ou don't send anything in to the site. It's totally private, but quite aneye opener! http://memoriter.net/flash/test.html =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita Re: PriceGrabber Dear Webby I was just reading about the types of Windows XP there are. Also that you could purchase them through price grabber.com on the internet.I was wondering if a person can purchase it at a local store like Best Buy and Circuit City etc.I read all your helpful information each day that you give to people who write in to ask something specific.Keep up the good work.Love your daily letters also. Happy Sunday to you and yours. Rita T. Dear Rita PriceGrabber is not just for on-line stores! It lists the downtown stores too. You can check there which of your local chain stores like Best Buy or CompUSA or whatever has the best deal and then figure out whether driving a bit further justifies the time and gas cost. For example, for a $2 difference I won't drive all the way across town. I'll pay the $2 more and save $3 on gas. Also look at flyers in your local paper. Quite often those big chain stores have weekend specials where they sell an item at a loss, just to drag you into the store. To stampeded the sheep over to the Vista machines, they will occasionally sell XP CDs for ridiculously low "Final Clearance" prices, (for one day). Those are "in-store-only" specials and not listed on PriceGrabber. Since those specials are often sold out by the time you get there, PriceGrabber does not list them. But you get a fair idea about who in your neighborhood has the best deal on whatever item you are interested in. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com =======================================================================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Trash Bags Handy Keep a few trash bags in the bottom of your waste baskets so you will have them handy. That way you can quickly replace them when you are taking out the trash. By GracieCheck out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== Mandlebaum receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees...."Golf: $1.00. Dinner: $1.00. Room: $1.00. Sleeve of golf balls: $395" He hits the ceiling! Calling over to the manager, he asks, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three $395 for three golf balls?" I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost." "Well," said the man, "if I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a $400 dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!" "That's right, sir, you could have," said the manager. "Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls! ========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Nasa, Somewhere in time http://tinyurl.com/2n4qe7======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Sunday, April 22, 2007 ====================================== If you would be known, and not know, vegetate in a village; If you would know, and not be known, live in a city. --- Charles Caleb Colton A man's silence is wonderful to listen to. --- Thomas Hardy ======================================= On the train, a soldier named Jack Said good-bye, and leaned out to smack The lips of his chick But the train took-off quick And he kissed a cow's butt down the track. ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:=========================================== Thanks to Great Granny Vi for sending these pictures:
=========================================== A friend was complaining that her boyfriend would not say. "I love you," even if explicitly asked to do so. The only exception, she said, was when they were in fact in the act of making love. Then, if asked, he would say the sacred words. I suggested that she should not take too much comfort in the exception. When making love, I explained, men will say anything. "He'd tell you he's the Easter Bunny if that's what he thinks you want to hear," I told her. The conversation rattled on from there. A couple of weeks later, she related the following. "We were in bed, making love. I said, 'Tell me you love me.'" He replied, 'I love you.' I said, 'Tell me you're the Easter Bunny.' He stopped for a second, and announced, 'I'm the Easter Bunny.' So I slapped him. "The poor guy probably still doesn't know what happened!" ===========================================
=========================================== The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Which XP Dear Webby I'm searching for Xp to replace Vista I came accross new questions? How do I know the copy is genuine? Some vendors offer COA's some keycodes only. All say they are genuine. There is also the issue of OEM version vs Retail. What si difference in plain language about Home vs Pro vs Media Center? The more I look the more I have questions about. Thank You as always for your help & superb newsletter, Steve J. Dear Steve Dear Steve As long as you stick to real businesses, that are listed at Pricegrabber.com or by their local Chamber of Commerce, you can't go wrong. With a real business you can always tell them that you will report them to Microsoft, if they don't fork over a genuine Microsoft CD and license. OEM is the same as retail, just without the fancy box, since it is intended to be bundled together with other stuff in a box that the OEM provides. Theoretically OEM's are not supposed to retail Windows OEM CDs, but since some machines are always bought by Linux users who don't want the Windows CD, they have some left over and sell them out the back door. XP Flavors: Home: fastest. PRO: costs 1.95 times as much as Home, but can be installed on two machines. Has a few networking utilities thrown in. They are cute, but not needed for home networking. If you network more than 10 machines and like playing control freak, get a PRO for the admin machine. Media Center: Slowest. Has a bunch of Vista style anti media-piracy stuff in it to make it more difficult to use music and movies without paying. MediaCenter also has some utilities for using a TV signal and watch TV on the computer, IF you have a tuner video card. Tuner video cards were the hot item in 95, but are still available. Some of the newer computers have them as an option. I only tried that very briefly in 95, and definitely would not pay extra for that. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com =======================================================================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Emergency Gift Box Take nice but unwanted items that were received for the holidays and put them in a box for emergency gifts. Also, buy good gift items on sale or at garage sales. That way you never have to run out and buy a gift at the last minute. By ErinCheck out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "And hows Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?" "You did that, Father." "And are there any little ones yet?" "No, not yet, Father." "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." "Thank you, Father." And away she went. A few years later they met again. "Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?" "Oh, very well," said she. "And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles--ten in all." "Now isn't that wonderful," he said, "And how is your lovely husband?" "Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow up that bloody candle candle of yours!" ========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Old gas stations http://tinyurl.com/2jhqx8======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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Good Morning, !
Saturday, April 21, 2007
======================================
"You have to trust in something -- your gut, destiny, life, karma,
whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has
made all the difference in my life."
--- Steve Jobs
"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished
by being governed by those who are dumber."
--- Plato (427-347 B.C.)
=======================================
From Cookie
Dear Webby
I'm sure all of us have have a similar experience as
*TENDJEWBERRYMUD*.
Going to share mine with you...
I wanted to change something with one of my accounts
at Citi Bank, their web site was down, so I chose to call
and do it by phone. Well, I ended up connected 'out of country'
...after 15 or so minutes of not understanding what in the
world the questions were he was asking me...I asked for his
name again, which he had given at the beginning of our one
sided conversation, I said thank you but just cancel the
transaction.
The next day I went to local Citi Bank where my account
actually is (anyway I think it is ;) only to have a nice lady
tell me, next time I could do this transaction online or by
phone. I had the name and number of person I spoke to
with me, so I asked her to please call the number and ask
for that person and to try and do the transaction for me.
She looked at me a little condescendingly and said,
"sure if that is what you wish."
Well, about 3 minutes into the conversation she covered the
receiver with her hand, looked at me and said, "I can't
understand a thing he is saying."
I smiled and said, "EXACTLY"!!
She kept the name and number and said she would speak
with the bank manager about the problem, but as all of us
know...nothing will change except...I will always wait for
the web site to be functioning!! ;-}
Have a great day, Cookie
==========================================
Thanks to Sandie for this classic:
A station in Tennessee was trying to make the high
cost of gas worth the price so the owner put up a sign saying,
"Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local redneck, Billy Ray pulled in, filled his tank,
and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number
from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Billy Ray then guessed 8, and the proprietor said,
"You were close; the number was 7.
Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, Billy Ray along with his buddy,
Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up.
Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story,
and asked him to guess the correct number Billy Ray guessed
2 this time.
Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4.
You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, Billy Ray said to his buddy, "I think
that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged,
my wife won twice last week."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
One day a gentleman walked into one of Ben Franklin's book
stores. As one of the clerks went to assist him, the gentleman
asked the clerk the price of the book he wished to purchase.
The young clerk looked at the price posted on the book and
said, "That book is one dollar, sir."
The gentleman began to haggle with the clerk over the price.
The clerk assured him that the correct price for the book was
one dollar and no lower. As the man realized that his efforts
to haggle with the clerk were going nowhere, he insisted on
speaking with Ben Franklin directly.
Franklin stopped his work, walked out to the storefront and
the gentleman asked, "What is the price of this book?"
Franklin answered, "One dollar and a quarter."
The gentleman was confused and replied, "Your clerk just said
it was a dollar."
Franklin looked at the book again and answered, "Yes, it was
a dollar. But now you're wasting my time."
===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Jacksonville, Florida fire fighters
April 16, 2007 - Jacksonville, Florida - AP
Authorities said Jacksonville firefighters returned from an
emergency call Saturday to find a blaze in their own station.
District Fire Chief Randy Wyse said the firefighters left a
stove on in Station 17 when they rushed out to answer a
call Saturday night.
The fire damaged the kitchen and parts of the firefighters'
sleeping quarters. Officials weren't sure how much the
damage would cost.
The station is temporarily closed.
===========================================
Need some
unique April cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
===========================================
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:
Burrowing Owl showing off her two shy chicks
===========================================
For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of
Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web
or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom
to a co-worker.
"I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers
have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend
you're doing."
===========================================
LEGAL Music
25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
===========================================
A friend asked a gentleman why he never married?
Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never
met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for
the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have
met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the
one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever
met. She was just the right everything... I really
mean that she was the perfect girl for me."
"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.
"She was looking for the perfect man."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com
==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Eloise
Re: Dell caved in!
Dear Webby
Thanks to you and a few others who publicly ranted against
Dell trying to ram Vista down our throats, they caved in.
XP will be available as a choice again.
Do you think they will raise the price when they don't get
the Vista subsidy, or will they cheapen the hardware?
Eloise
Dear Eloise
I don't think they can easily switch to slower components,
but they will probably overnight drop the standard configurations
to 512 MB RAM instead of 2 GB, and charge you extra for the
RAM that was included in the Vista machines up to now.
If you are planning on buying a new computer in the near future,
buy it today, or at least get a printable quote.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
==========================================
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
Bonehead to whiny prisoners and Kudo to Colorado Court of Appeals
April 16, 2007 - Denver, Colorado - AP
Three prisoners serving potential life sentences in Colorado
say their lives have been threatened - by mosquitoes.
The inmates at Walsenburg and Limon prisons sued, saying
they were at risk of contacting West Nile virus or other diseases
after they were bitten repeatedly by mosquitoes and suffered
"the emotional and mental distress of whether or not each
mosquito's bite would result in death or serious bodily injury."
Stephen G. Glover, Alan Smith and Michael Freeman said the
bites caused high fever, headache, neck stiffness and muscle
weakness. "Each attack constituted bodily injury, which the
(Department of Corrections) had the power to prevent, but
consciously elected not to," wrote the inmates, acting as their
own attorneys.
But the Colorado Court of Appeals swatted down their case
and upheld a lower court's decision to throw their case out.
Prison officials said no confirmed cases of West Nile virus have
ever been found in the prison population, and inmates are provided
mosquito repellant.
=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can email to the Express Empress at
4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Salsa Tip
Cheap Carpet Deodorizer
Instead of using store bought carpet deodorizer when
you vacuum, use baking soda. It works just as well and
is cheaper. If you need to really deodorize an area, let it
sit for a few hours or overnight before vacuuming.
By Claudia
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
========================================
Bobby asked his baby sitter for help in getting
his boots on.
He asked for help and she could see why.
With her pulling and him pushing, the boots
still didn't want to go on. When the second
boot was on, she had already worked up
a sweat.
She almost whimpered when my son said,
"wrong feet!"
She looked and sure enough, they were on
the wrong feet. It wasn't any easier pulling
the boots off than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as together
they worked to get the boots back on -- this
time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his
face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?"
like she wanted to. Once again she struggled
to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
He then said, "They're my cousin's boots. My
Mom said I have to wear them, because mine leak."
She didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
She mustered up the grace to wrestle the
boots on his feet again.
She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"
He said, "I stuffed them in my boots..."
=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a
halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five
minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk by again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again..?"
-----------------------------
I remember a train like that in Austria, when I was a
little kid. It had an awfully interesting steam engine that
leaked steam in all kinds of places that did not seem right
to me, but they wouldn't let me near it. They were probably
afraid I would start taking it apart. I had a bit of a reputation
for doing that.
Anyway, that narrow gauge train moved at a pretty good clip
on the steep downhill grades, but was very slow uphill. Each
of the little verandahs at each end of the rail cars they had
signs that the gwown-ups told me read: "Picking flowers
while the train is in motion is strictly prohibited!"
There were no signs against jumping off the train at the
front of a rail car and jumping on again at the back,
running to the front on the inside and doing it all over again.
Just no picking flowers while waiting for the rear of the
rail car to come along. But I had fun anyway until they
told me to sit down and shut up.
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:
Grand Canyon cam
http://tinyurl.com/bttxj
========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Friday, April 20, 2007 Wear red today to show your support for the troops! ====================================== PERVERT ALERT! The media announced that the Westboro Perverts will be a nuisance around town in Blacksburg, Virginia. The Perverts know that the cops will keep them from the actual funerals, but the media have started to give them prime time already. ======================================= A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. He said, "Father, I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancee, very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom. She said, "Mom, when I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." "No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me." Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. Not a word," Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try. The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about 6 months later. Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, woke his bride and without thinking, she immediately asks, "What on earth are you doing?" "Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my sock!" ========================================== A plumber was called to a woman's apartment in New York to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked babe, and during the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly. About 5.30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, "He's on his way home, but he's going back to the office around 8. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off." The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. "What? On my own time??" ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:=========================================== Thanks to Dave for sending this picture:=========================================== The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374? "No, this is 223-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?" ===========================================
=========================================== One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?" The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket." The officer let him in. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Why not Norton ? Thank you for the prompt response. What do you recommend rather than Norton, and why does it need a special removal tool? Thanks for the great job you are doing. Carol Dear Carol Norton hides stuff in places where you can't easily remove it without that special removal tool. It does not do a clean un-install and in some cases has required formatting to completely get rid of it. That's why experienced techs don't recommend it for XP. I use and recommend McAfee Viruscan and mcAfee Firewall. However, the rest of the stuff that McAfee has, is definitely optional and not recommended by me. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com =======================================================================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Salsa Tip I got this tip from a neighbor. Instead of cooking homemade salsa on top of the stove where the tomatoes cook to a liquid, I roast the mixture at 350 degrees for 4-5 hours, stirring every hour. The tomatoes stay a little chunky and the sauce tastes and looks just like store bought. By MarjorieCheck out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== *TENDJEWBERRYMUD* It's amazing; you will understand the above word by the end of the conversation. Read aloud for best results. "Tendjewberrymud." Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this. Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees" Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service" RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs" RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?" G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS : "Hokay. An San tos?" G: "What?" RS:"San tos. July San tos?" G: "I don't think so" RS: "No? Judo one toes??" G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means." RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?" G: "English muffin! I've got it! You were saying ' Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine." RS: "We bother?" G: "No..just put the bother on the side." RS: "Wad?" G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side." RS: "Copy?" G: "Sorry?" RS: "Copy...tea...mill?" G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. As ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??" G: "Whatever you say" RS: "Tendjewberrymud" G : "You're welcome" ------------------- If you plan to overnight in Hongcouver (formerly Vancouver, BC) then you better study Chinglish beforehand, so as to avoid embrrassing mitt-eggs, ahem mistakes. ========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Water skiing squirrel http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXcaFC1vF0Q======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Thursday, April 19, 2007 ====================================== "Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier." --- Colin L. Powell ======================================= Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican? Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock Cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? 1) Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few weeks and try to come to a consensus and AAARGH! 2) Republican's Answer: BANG! 3)Southern Republican's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click ...(sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click Daughter: Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those my Winchester Silver Tips or Mom's Hollow Points? Son: Git-R-Dun Pop! Can I shoot the next one? Wife: You ain't taking THAT to the taxidermist! ========================================== The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant." "WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants." "Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized." ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:=========================================== Thanks to my dad for sending this picture:These and some more bloomed today. The others are at Dawna.com http://dawna.com/7/4/d.html =========================================== *Seen Signs* These signs might not communicate what was hoped for. On a California freeway: Fine for Littering On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service: Able to Do the Worst Possible Job In a New York jewellery store: Genuine Fauz Pearls In a Kansas City oculist's office: Broken lenses duplicated here In a Boston fast-food parking lot: Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only Billboard on Florida highway: If You Can't Read, We Can Help On the Triborough Bridge in New York: In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart: We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas. At the basketball court in a Gastonton, North Carolina, YMCA: Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended On a Rapid City store: Give That Bride a Good Case of Worms or Other Fine Bait On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant: The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur In a Grand Rapids restaurant: Half baked chicken In a Dayton barbershop: During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore: Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books On a library in Marlboro, New Hampshire, honouring Robert Frost: Frost Free Library ===========================================
=========================================== Car rental brochure, Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Install XP Hello Webby, How would one install XP on a Vista machine? Would an upgrade version of XP work or must drive be formatted & a full install done? Wrere would you find the utility to format drive? It would be formatted to NTFS? Where would you find the drivers for the hardware (motherboard, modem, video, etc.) of a Vista machine? Would XP do it for you? Wanted you to know I look for your newsletter before I have my my coffee in the morning. Thank You for an excellent job, Steve Dear Steve Vista is as different as if it was a Martian Mac OS, and some people believe it is. You have to stick the XP setup CD in, shut down and boot from it, then format the drive and kill everything on it, then install XP. XP has all the drivers and stuff it needs on the install CD. Then you can guard against iIE7 slithering in by downloading and installing the currently most popular software at Microsoft: The IE7 Blocker http://snipurl.com/zyb7 Once you are protected from that, set XP for automatic updates, install your favorite virus protection, firewall and spam control programs. Then you are all set. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com =======================================================================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fighting Mildew with Bleach Dear Webby This is to follow up on the tip from Thrifty fun to fight mildew. A safer and better alternative than bleach is BORAX (chemical name: Sodium perborate). It can be purchased in laundry aisle of most supermarkets. The common brand is "20 Mule Team borax" Just mix the powder with water, it forms a suspension, then use that with a wet cloth. You can use a spray bottle but occasionally they spray nozzle might get clogged. But borax (imo) is safer to use than bleach and I used it last year to good effect. NariCheck out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, " please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years." ========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sprite Storms http://tinyurl.com/2fn39o======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Wednesday, April 18, 2007 ====================================== If you want to enlarge your life, you must first enlarge your thought of it and of yourself. --- Orison Swett Marden Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. --- Winston Churchill ======================================= Finally got a new motherboard today! The old one died Thursday evening and I told DELL on Friday morning that the motherboard was fried. DELL tech support in India wasted alltogether over four hours of my time, and today finally somebody showed up with a new motherboard. He was a local guy and swapped out the board in a few minutes. On Tuesday, mid-afternoon. So much for paying for "Next Day on-site replacement warranty!" Well, the next machine won't be a DELL ! ========================================== At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." she said. Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big oaf is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress... don't wait any longer." ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:Police responded to the pier shortly after 3 a.m. Sunday after callers reported an intoxicated woman had driven the car onto the end of the pier and walked off, the police incident report read. A short time later, police located the car’s owner, Alissa Edwards, 25, of 11007 Mill Creek Way, Fort Myers, wandering the area. She was questioned and released, according to police. A sheriff’s booking sheet shows Edwards had previously been arrested on one charge of driving under the influence in 2006. The charge was reduced to reckless driving, according to Lee County Clerk of Courts records. For Steve Ambers, Fort Myers city safety officer, it was no laughing matter. “It was unsafe to leave the car here, and it was unsafe to back it off the pier,” he said. “There was no engineer available to document that the pier could safely hold the vehicle so we had to use the crane.” =========================================== Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow workers, one health conscious young woman from our office was especially motivated to get to the gym after work. Our boss, who had also enjoyed a large meal, suggested that she run an extra lap for him. As she was leaving the office, she called to the boss, "Get ready to start huffing and puffing, 'cause I'll be on your lap in half an hour!" ===========================================
=========================================== An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much of a sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!! =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Separate licenses Thanks Webby, One more thing, I have 2 separate desktop computers and a laptop. For the windows xp to be "genuine", can I install the one purchased, or do I need to purchase 3 separate ones? Again, love your newsletter! An Avid Reader and User of Tips stitichingirl Dear Bonnie Micro$oft insists that you buy a separate license for each computer. I have a hunch that the demand AND PRICE for XP will go up as more and more people learn that a Vista computer is just an XP machine, that hasn't been formatted yet, and still needs XP to be installed. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ==========================================A dog has become famous in China for his ability to balance on the back of a bicycle. Eight-month-old Gougou balances on the carrier on the back of his owner's bike, reports Guangzhou Daily. "If he needs to pee, he taps my shoulder with his front paw. Then when I stop he runs to a secret place," says Mr Liu, of Guangzhou city. "A relative gave him to me as a puppy, and when I picked him up to go home, he jumped onto my rear carrier, and kept perfect balance." Mr Liu's daily bike ride along the Zhujiang River has since become a local spectacle, with passers-by stopping to ask questions and take pictures. "When he feels tired, he sits down on the carrier. And if we ride for a long time, the first thing he does after we get home is run for the water tap, and sit under it waiting for me to give him a bath."
=============================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fighting Mildew with Bleach Use bleach and water to clean up mildew. Put it in a spray bottle and squirt it where it is needed. We recently had a severe mildew problem on all of our walls and windows. A spray bottle with a little bit of bleach and lots of water did the trick. By MaraCheck out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== Thanks to Connie for these: Marriage Quips Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding? A: Not if you are the groom. Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony? A: Anything except 'Tied to the Whipping Post'. Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception? A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives. Q: What is a wedding tragedy? A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money. Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night? A: A last name. Q: How is marriage like a hot bath? A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. Q: If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose: A: Would you go to lunch or to a movie? Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves? A: Buy her a diamond ring. Q: What is the best way to annoy your wife/husband during sex? A: Call her/him on the telephone. ========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Penny Postcards http://tinyurl.com/o7cs3======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Tuesday, April 17, 2007 ====================================== Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. --- Marilyn Monroe Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people. --- Robert Benchley ======================================= In Austin, Texas, Emergency Medical Technician answered a call at the home of an elderly woman whose sister had collapsed. As they were placing her in the ambulance, the lady wailed, "Oh, lawdy, lawdy. I know what's the matter with her. She done got the same thing what killed her brother. It's a heretical disease. It's the Smiling Mighty Jesus!" When the technician got the sister to the county hospital, she looked up the brother's medical records to find that he had died of -- spinal meningitis. ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:=========================================== Thanks to all who sent this picture:=========================================== In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!" ===========================================
=========================================== A census taker knocked on a lady's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly." he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are." she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he wrote on his form. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Walt Re: Excel versus Works Dear Webby I have 2 computers. one with MS Works (Spreadsheet) and one with Excel. Is the any way to transfer the files across systems so I can work on the same spreadsheet on either system. ie: XLR to XLS convert then reconvert XLS to XLR. I thought i had seen a procedure to accomplish this.. Thanks as always, Walt D Dear Walt Excel opens Works files, but I doubt that you can save them as Works files afterward. Most likely not, since both are Microsoft products and therefore probably not compatible. Works is a clone of the Tandy Deskmate, Excel is a clone of Borland's Quattro. They have totally different roots. The group that cloned Quattro and saved it as Excel, apparently didn't know that Works also had a spreadsheet in it, and made no attempt to become compatible with it. Excel is compatible with Quattro, since it's more or less just a re-decorated Quattro anyway. I would recommend that you go to ebay and buy an older version of Corell Office. You can usually get a version 8, 9, 10, or 11 for $10 - $15. Each of them has Quattro in it, and NO greedy copy protection. You can put it on as many machines as you want. Then pick up your Works files with Excel and save them as Excel files. Finally, pick those up with Quattro. Quattro can save them as either Quattro files or as Excel files. However, the biggest advantage is that with Quattro you can work across your home network. Theoretically you could do that with Excel too, but if you try that, be ready for unpleasant unpredictability. With Quattro I reach across the network to my secretary's machine and open Quattro spreadsheet files there to look up stuff, or to leave notes or data for her. It's quite civilized! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com =======================================================================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Change and Dollar Bills My husband and I have always saved our change, but recently we have started saving our one dollar bills as well. At the end of each day, we put all of our ones in a little bank, and on Saturday, we deposit what we have into our savings account. It adds up quickly! By CarolCheck out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== The cowboy was trying to buy an insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "That's hard to believe. Nothing ever happened to you at all?" "Well, rattler bit me one time." "Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Hell no. Dang varmint bit me on purpose." ========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Peruvian http://tinyurl.com/2v94dh======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Monday, April 16, 2007 ====================================== Nothing happens until something moves --- Einstein People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." --- Cesare di Bonesana Beccaria ======================================= The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:===========================================Rumor has it that more pictures are taken outside the Clay & Glass Gallery than inside. =========================================== A couple was going out for the evening. They were both ready to go, nice clothes, hair done, perfume, cologne, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat shot back into the house. Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out. Well, the wife did not want anyone to know the house would be empty for the evening, so she explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and said, "Sorry I took so long. The stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a mop to get her to come out." ===========================================
=========================================== "The Related Sale" was the subject of a pep talk given recently by the manager of a certain super-drug store. "For instance, if a customer wants razor blades," he told employees, "ask him how he's fixed for shaving cream and after-shave lotion. That way you can turn a small sale into a bigger one and make more commission." The youngest clerk was very impressed with the talk and was eager to try the technique on his very next customer. This turned out to be a rather embarrassed gentleman who shyly requested a box of Kotex for his wife. Ten minutes later, the manager of the store was amazed to see The customer staggering out loaded down with assorted fishing equipment, tackle, nets, boots and a one-man inflatable life raft. "What happened?!" The manager gasped, and the clerk modestly attributed his success to "The Related Sale." "Related Sale!" Exclaimed the manager. "But all he wanted was a box of Kotex." "I know," said the clerk. "So I said, 'Look, mister, there isn't going to be much doing around your house this weekend. Why don't you take a fishing trip?'" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tom Re: Vista and printers Dear Webby You wrote: "and most of your accesories like printers, scanners, cameras, etc. don't have drivers for it. Most software needs to be patched or adjusted to cope with Vista." I might add, don't expect any help from Microsoft or the various vendors. I have two Lexmark Printers which are not supported by Vista and, according to Lexmark, probably won't get the necessary drivers for several months. In essence, I now have two working printers which have been rendered useless under Vista. My new computer has Vista Home Premium but, if I can find a "cheap" copy of XP I will remove Vista and go back to XP. tom :---) Dear Tom Pricegrabber lists XP from $64 and up: Windos XP retail If you are in a hurry, Staples has it for around $120, which is still a LOT cheaper than two printers that will work in spite of Vista and will do the same job as your current printers do. Look at the bright side! Your computer probably was worth $500 more than you paid for it, but was subsizided to flog Vista. Just consider the $70 for XP a necessary upgrade, and you are still $430 ahead. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com =======================================================================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Your Bulbs If you have different varieties and colors of flowering bulbs, make stakes out of popsicle sticks and write the color and type on the stake. It is always harder to remember the type and color after they finish blooming. This is helpful when you dig bulbs up in the fall.Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== George, a career Army officer I once met, was jumpmaster for his unit and was taking up a few novices for a drop. The flight was pretty rough, and, after a while, George called off the jump because of high winds. As the plane headed back to base, and the pilot pulled off an unusually smooth landing, two of the recruits got airsick. "How come you could take that rough flight, but you couldn't handle the smooth landing?" asked George. "Well, Sir," one trainee explained, "we've always jumped out of planes. We've never actually landed before." ========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Space Wander http://www.spacewander.com/======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Sunday, April 15, 2007 ====================================== "Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever." --- Lance Armstrong "I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be" --- Joyce Myers ======================================= The day I got married was really embarrassing. When the minister said, "If anyone present doesn't agree with this marriage; come forward and speak now, or forever hold your peace", I turned around and noticed her family had formed a double line. And they had shotguns! ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:=========================================== Thanks to martin for this picture:=========================================== What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats. ===========================================
=========================================== Once I did system support in a law firm. One day, I had to log a user off and then back on. I entered her initials and then I asked her for her password. Her password was "genius". After three tries and the system telling me "access denied," I asked her how to spell it. She said, "G - E - N - I - O - U - S." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Belinda Re: Badmouthing Vista? Dear Webby Why are you badmouthing Vista so much? I found out the hard way, that I should have listened to you about MSIE7, and managed to crawl back to IE6, All I see on TV is about Vista being so much better and more secure, and how many they sold. Are you just an old fuddy-duddy, afraid of change? Belinda Dear Belinda Well this old goat warned you about IE7 for good reason. It was released before it was ready, and it's one of those versions that are better skipped. I'm sure IE8 will be OK again. The same applies to Vista. It is too slow and resource hungry for today's machines, and most of your accesories like printers, scanners, cameras, etc. don't have drivers for it. Most software needs to be patched or adjusted to cope with Vista. Often it's nothing serious, just a nuisance. For example with MailWasher, Microsoft had promised that Vista would allow it to continue storing the friends and black list in the application directory, but in the final version of Vista, they forgot about their promise and blocked that. MailWasher is nimble enough to cope with that, but you have to mess around and tell it to park that stuff elsewhere. It's pretty well the same with most other software too. You have to waste time coping with Vista's peculiarities. The quoted "Sales" figures seem to include the tax deductible donations of millions of licenses to under- developed countries, because you sure don't hear of many happy or even unhappy users hereabouts. Friendly help and advice will be scarce for quite some time. Unless you like bragging about being a masochist, my advice is to skip Vista, or at least the current version of it, and stick with XP until something better comes along. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com =======================================================================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Till Veggies Here's what my Daddy did when he planted potatoes. He dug a lil furrow and planted potatoes and covered them ever so lightly with dirt. Then he covered that with a little hay. Then as the plants grew, he covered with more hay. He kept doing that until plants were waist high. Then when potaoes were ready to harvest, he would just turn back the hay and there were the potaoes. No digging.Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== Hi Webby, I've worn red on Fridays since I first heard of it. I have nephews in Iraq. I supprt them in any way I can. Thanks for reminding others! Also thank you for all the tips and laughs. Unfortunately, we have a tendancy to take people for granted and don't verbalize our appreciation as often as we should. I do vote daily to show my appreciation! Thanks again, Jessie ========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Start of barbecue season http://tinyurl.com/35w2zo======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Saturday, April 14, 2007 ====================================== I'm still on the laptop. As expected, DELL's tech support crew in India desperately tried to blame the motherboard failure on Windows and wasted a lot of my time. They even wanted me to wipe the drive and re-install Windows! I proved them wrong by swapping the hard drive with an identical one from my secretary's machine, but by then the day didn't count any more for "Next Day on-site replacement, and even though weekends are "business days" for their sales department, they don't count when it comes to warranty work. It will probably be Tuesday when I finally get a working motherboard. That is still faster than ordering a new machine. They drag that out to 7days or more between the time I place an order and the time a machine actually arrives. I did look at their site, though, to see what they offer these days. That was a nasty surprise! No matter how noisily they lie about listening to customers, they are doing the exact opposite. Nobody in their right mind wants a Vista machine, because Vista doesn't work with most printers, scanners, cameras and other accessories, and is unacceptably slow. "Cutesy nuisance" is probably the kindest description of it. Yet DELL offers just Vista macines except for one lone, grossly overpriced XP unit. All the rest are heavily subsidized Vista machines. Let's hope their snotty arrogance paints them into a corner! There is definitely a big opening for a competitor who actually DOES listen to what people want. In the meantime, if you need a new computer, the best strategy is to buy one of those cheap, subsidized Vista machines, format it and put XP on it. Since Vista machines have to be much more powerful and a lot faster to be able to run Vista even slowly, they are real speed demons with XP. All the NorthAmerican and some Chinese techs, that I have talked to, plan to skip Vista, just like they skipped DOS4 and Netscape 4. I hope you realize the significance of that! That means your local computer fixers won't have any experience or interest in helping you with Vista. Hang on to your XP install CD's or buy a spare while you can! Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================= A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay. I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the countertops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; and the plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!" Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. Ten minutes later, no centipede. Twenty minutes later, no centipede. Thirty minutes later, no centipede. By this point, the man is wondering what's going on. So he goes to the front door, opens it, and there's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!" The centipede says, "I'm going! I'm going! I'm just putting on my shoes!" ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:====================================================================================== A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!" POOF! He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside." POOF! Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." POOF! He's back in his government office. ===========================================
=========================================== Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Forged address Dear Webby I get all kinds of mail that has my address forged into the sender address. Since I DO send mail to myself as a fast way to record and file notes, I can't block my own address and spam gets through the same way. How do I filter forged addresses? Alex Dear Alex You will notice that spammers usually use some name other than yours, just your address. Put your name into the sender name field. All email programs have a way of doing that, even OE. Then make a filter that IF the Sender address contains alex234@domain.com AND the sender address does NOT contain "Alex P" then dump the mail automatically, don't even list it. If your address has been assigned and contains your entire first and lat name, then make the sender name slightly different, for example by adding a middle initial. If the incoming mail does not have the initial, it gets dumped. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com =======================================================================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cable baggies Better yet than cable ties are cable baggies, especially when the time comes for the annual dusting. Or is that biannual? I fold all the slack cables into tight bundles, stuff those into a sandwich baggie (the cheap old-over type that you sometimes pick up by accident), and secure them with a rubber band, if I can find one, or else with electrical tape. The combination of plastic and static from the computer seems to repel dust and the baggies remain clean for ages. ---From Richard Talking about dust..... Remember to vacuum out the computer at least once a year! The side cover comes off easy, but get ready for a real shock when you look inside and see a dust bunny orgy in full swing! Especially if the computer sits on the floor, it sucks in all the floating dust and fluff and mysterious stuff. Naturally that impedes the cooling and ages the components a lot faster than proper cooling would. That's why they put the main air intake near the bottom in the front. Any vacuum will do, a furniture crevice tool will help but isn't really necessary. Just vacuum out the dust bunnies and thoroughly clean the heatsink fins that cool the CPU. Usually the space between the decorative and totally idiotic and totally unnecessary plastic front cover looks even scarier. Try to get the worst out with a crevice tool before you pop it off, or it's going to be very messy. To pop that plastic front off, push the springy plastic tabs that you see sticking into the actual computer towards the middle and forward. That releases one side and you can easily remove it. Have FUN DearWebbyCheck out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Jig" target="_blank" >http://www.jigzone.com/">Jig Zone http://www.jigzone.com/======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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( 0 / 0 )Good Morning, ! Friday, April 13, 2007 ====================================== Friday, the 13th ! Remember, it's bad luck to be superstitious! Well, my desktop computer seems to be a bit overly superstitious and died at 8:30 PM on the 12th. It seems the Motherboard died of old age. So I am typing this on the laptop, and realize how ancient it is. It still works, though, and that's all that counts right now. . ======================================= Thanks to Ross for this report: European Union on Higher Alert The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed boats have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:====================================================================================== A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied, "That's true, but, of course, the answers are completely different every year." ===========================================
=========================================== My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news- papers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: Susp Email Dear Webby What's the story with all these supposed alerts in the mail about McAfee having detected suspect email and no address in the TO field? Bill Dear Bill That's just a virus sent from infected machines. If you use Mailwasher, it will recognize them an mark them as KNOWN. However, so that they don't even show in the list of mails, I made a filter that deletes them automatically, unseen. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com =======================================================================================Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Velcro cable ties Before discarding worn out clothing or footwear that has velcro closures, remove the velcro. Glue or sew the pairs with their back sides together and cut them into 4 - 6" long strips. They make perfect cable ties to tame the cable salad behind your computer.Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailttIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog========================================Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Geography" target="_blank" >http://www.lizardpoint.com/fun/geoquiz/ ... http://www.lizardpoint.com/fun/geoquiz/index.html======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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