Dear Webby: Larger Pictures 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  May 2, 2007

"The dictionary is the only place where success comes before
work. Hard work is the price we must pay for success. You
can accomplish anything if you're willing to pay the price."
--- Vince Lombardi


A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and
off they went to a local theme park.What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming
Loop,the Wall of Fear, everything there was!
Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head
reeling and her stomach upside down.

Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big
Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie - the latest epic, and hot dogs, popcorn,
PepsiCola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
He leaned over and lovingly asked,

"Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"

One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."


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The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women,
met and decided that this month's outing was to be at a dairy
farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and
had never seen such a thing.

The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus which
whisked them off to their destination. On the way, they watched
out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely,
unpolluted countryside.

After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited
them to look him up should they have any questions. Myrtle,
after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped
into a building and viewed something she thought was quite
remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him - he
sauntered in.

"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient
tone: "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with
horns. Sometimes we keep' em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other
times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of
acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold.
Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.
But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause
it's a horse."


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to future politicians in India Crooks even before they are elected April 29, 2007 - Lucknow, India - AP Six politicians awaiting trial on murder or abduction charges in lawless northern Uttar Pradesh state have been using cellphones to campaign for re-election from prison, police said Sunday. The politicians call their supporters who broadcast the speeches live to rallies from their mobile phones, using a microphone hooked up to a public address system, police spokesman Surendra Srivastava said. "It is not a hush-hush affair. The meetings are well organized and at the stipulated time the leaders address their supporters using mobiles," Srivastava said. Indian law only bans people from serving in public office if they have been convicted of an offence. Among the imprisoned suspects campaigning by phone is independent candidate Mukhtar Ansari, who is accused of murdering a Hindu nationalist legislator, Srivastava said. Others to use the tactic include Sujit Singh for the opposition Bhartiya Samaj Party - also arrested on murder charges - and Amarmani Tripathi, an independent candidate who is suspected of killing his girlfriend. --------------------------------- Can't be that lawless if they are already in jail! ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Joan in Arizona for sending this picture from her friend Florence in Oregon =========================================== A Swedish couple are applying for a marriage license. The clerk asks the man his name and he replies, Yan Yohansenn. The clerk asks the woman what her name is. She replies Yolanda Yohansenn. The clerk asks, "Oh, any relation"? The woman blushes and says, Yust vunce, ve couldn't vait. ===========================================
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=========================================== A guy is sitting in a bar, absolutely drooling at a pretty young thing in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time honored ice breaker, he sends her a drink. "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation. Finally the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you'll ply out of me with liquor." He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture, and just plain destroy the place." "Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked. "Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dorothy Re: Larger pictures Hi Webby! I wonder if you could send a wallpaper size of the cat pic and the one from the other day of the Rainbow across what looks like a wet street? I would appreciate it if you could. Thank you so much. Dorothy Dear Dorothy Those pictures had been sent to me in that size. I can shrink them, but not make them larger without making them coarse and ugly. It's only with my own pictures, and those of my dad and very few other people, who send them in large size, that I can make custom sizes for different monitor resolutions. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 28, 2007 - Wolfeboro, New Hampshire - AP A shoplifter would have to run pretty far to get away from this 70-year-old clerk. Judy Brenner sprinted about 100 feet to catch a teen she thought stole liquor Thursday from the store where she works in Wolfeboro. Brenner, who ran the Boston Marathon this month, discovered the teen had a half-gallon of whiskey under his jacket. She and others who joined the chase helped detain him until police arrived. "He didn't run, but he walked faster, so I picked up my pace," Brenner said. "I wasn't going to let him go." Brenner, of Brookfield, said she ran 14 marathons decades ago and finished the Boston Marathon this month in just over five hours, placing sixth among the women in her age bracket. The suspect was charged with theft and unlawful possession of alcohol by a minor.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Freeze Pie Filling Buy apples in quantity when they are on sale. Cut them up and mix with your favorite apple pie recipe. Freeze them in ziplock bags in pie size portions. When you want a pie just dump the bag into a pie shell and bake!
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
Sorry, this one was messed up yesterday! A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?" His wife responds with, "yes, I would really like that. Tonight, you do the dishes and the laundry and stand by the ironing board for a couple of hours, and I'll lay on the couch and fart." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts when the heart begins to beat." "We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life starts at the moment of conception." "Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when the kids move out and the dog dies." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Graph Paper
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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