Dear Webby: XP SP2.5 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  May 7, 2007
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Other people's opinion of you
does not have to become your reality.
--- Les Brown

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that
man can never learn anything from history.
--- George Bernard Shaw

=======================================

A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her
swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the
back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to
both of them since their relationship had been purely
platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk
together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where
certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the
problem.
Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German
Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.

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Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for
their annual  intelligence test.
The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," he replies.
The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three
times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor.
"How did you get that?"
"Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Antonio Moreno, 31, Los Angeles, California Bad habit May 1, 2007 - Los Angeles, California - AP Whenever Antonio Moreno wanted to see his girlfriend, police say, he'd jump in a car and drive right over. But there was a problem. The 26 cars Moreno jumped into all belonged to someone else, according to authorities who arrested the 31-year-old near his Inglewood home on Wednesday. They said he was behind the wheel of a 1987 Toyota Camry when they found him. Since January, police said, Moreno had been stealing Toyota Camrys and Nissan Sentras by using a simple device that starts Japanese cars of a certain age. Acting on a tip, members of a regional auto-theft task force took him into custody. Some cars were stolen in Inglewood and abandoned in Santa Barbara, police said, while others were taken from Santa Barbara. He was "stealing vehicles as transportation to pursue their relationship," according to a statement from Lt. Paul McCaffrey, a Santa Barbara Police Department spokesman. He didn't have a driver's license or car of his own, police said. Moreno was jailed in Los Angeles for investigation of auto theft and was to be transferred to Santa Barbara to face charges, police said. It wasn't immediately clear whether Moreno had an attorney. His girlfriend, who was not arrested, told authorities she had been trying to dump him. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Cheryl for this picture: =========================================== It was a cool spring day. An old man walked out onto a still frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf ro reep ra rrorms rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!" ===========================================
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=========================================== It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Vista SP2 Dear Webby When will Microsoft come out with an SP1 bug fix for Vista? Is it worth putting up with the problems in the meantime? David Dear David There might not be an SP1 for Vista. I am sur that Microsoft is aware of the total lack of enthusiasm for Vista. Instead of Vista SP1 they came out with a Vista Dual Boot, that allows you to boot into XP for work and to get around Vista problems. "Need to scan something? Just reboot into XP!" Yeah, right. I get the hint. Just reboot into XP and stay there until Tamara comes along. In the meantime independent programmers are releasing tiny and efficient utilities for XP that do all the cutesy stuff that Vista claims they set it apart from XP. Some, like Launchy, are actually quite useful and seem to go some way beyond what Vista has. You can download it free from http://www.launchy.net/ I would not be in the least bit surprised if some programmers released an XP SP2.5 utilities package that adds all the cutesy stuff from Vista to XP, but without the Vista problems. And I would be very surprised if Vista SP1 comes out before XP SP2.5 Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 4, 2007 - Redmond, Washington - Happy News Author, teacher, speaker—sounds like a well-accomplished older adult. Guess again. Those are just some of the titles that describe 9-year older Adora Svitak. Despite her age, Adora has done and seen more than most people, regardless of their years. She travels around the world to other schools to inspire and encourage other students to become better readers and writers. At an age where most children are having sleepovers with friends and watching television, Adora is focusing on promoting worldwide literacy, among other things. "I believe it's never to early to learn," said Adora, who has made many presentations in different regions, including New York, Florida and London. "I like to inspire my audience to read and write."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sorting Dirty Clothing Put a cardboard divider in your clothes hamper, one side for whites and one for darks. When your family puts clothes in, they will already be sorted. Towels and sheets can also go on the white side. This has worked very well in my household for several years. By Hazel
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Mayo Clinic First Aid Guide http://snipurl.com/19c9n
I will give this link a permanent spot in the side menu. ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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