Dear Webby: Firewall Disable Notify 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 10, 2007

I was once asked why I dont participate in anti-war
demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as
you have a pro-peace rally, Ill be there.
--- Mother Teresa

You can't really fight for peace, but we intend to make sure
that from now on the inevitable hostilities take place on
their turf, and not on ours.
--- G.W. Bush


"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I
couldn't see where the ball went."
"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife,
"Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore,"
protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,"
Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung,
and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
"Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"Where is what ?", Scott answered.
"My ball! My golf ball!"
"Oh, I don't know. I was watching that cute lady over there.
Her ball went into the water."


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A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount
of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor
noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections
manager left a voice-mail for them saying,
"We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect
phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long.


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nick LaBoda and Jenna Caputo of Ballstonspa, New York Bats in the attic May 3, 2007 - Ballstonspa, New York - AP An upstate New York couple didn't think a few bats in the attic were much of a problem when they were buying a house last summer. Months later, they found out how wrong they were when they discovered more than a ton and a half of bat droppings up there. Nick LaBoda and Jenna Caputo say a home inspector informed them about the bats. They called an exterminator, who told them to wait a while before removing the bats because the babies were too young to fly. Then they forgot about the bats until they smelled a foul odor in January. When they checked the attic, they found dead bats and piles of guano. An exterminator says hundreds of bats had been living in the attic, leaving behind 3,500 pounds of droppings. It cost $25,000 to clean up the mess, and the couple's insurance company wouldn't cover it. ------------------ Why should the insurance company cover a pre-existing condition? That's just as hilarious as an "exterminator" who is concerned about pests, which he is paid to exterminate, not being able to fly away. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture of her neighborhood shrouded in forest fire smoke. =========================================== Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their different fellowships. After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church that I want to discuss with you guys." The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We went up there, got to know 'em a little bit, got 'em baptized and started passing the collection plate to them. Haven't seen 'em since." ===========================================
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=========================================== Chelsea Clinton was talking to a combat decorated soldier and she asked him what three things he worried him most. He answered: "Osama, Obama, and Yo Mama." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Don Camillo Re: SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify Bonjour, Could you tell me if I should remove the following: "SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify" I use Search & Destroy and the program asks me to remove that item.... Thank you for your help. Don Camillo Dear Don Don't worry about that. It's just a Windows bug about Windows getting into a snit when you use a better fire wall than the Windows fire wall. Just ignore that. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Re yesterday's Kudo From Donovan: Dear Webby For what it's worth, the service in Illinois is great but it's not unique. We have a similar one in Medicine Hat. The only difference is that they send two people instead of a tow truck. One drives you home in your car and the other one follows and picks up the driver. Donovan Deeli's Kudos May 6, 2007 - New York, New York - AP Alexander Loucopoulos wasn't afraid he would drop the ring when he proposed to his girlfriend, but he did have another fear. "I was afraid the ring would float really far away," said Loucopoulos, 32, of New York City. When he proposed Saturday to Graciela Asturias, a 27-year-old space enthusiast, they were on a 90-minute zero-gravity flight aboard a Boeing 727. "I asked if she'd marry me, and then the ring just floated in front of her as we floated in zero gravity," he said. She said yes. "I was so surprised," said Asturias. "I'm in total shock." The trip cost $3,500 each and was organized by Space Adventures of Virginia, which also arranged for Charles Simonyi's $20-million flight to space in April. Loucopoulos works as a banker in private equity and Asturias is an architect. "I would like our 10-year anniversary to be in orbit," Loucopoulos said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Nice Round Pancakes Tired of misshapen pancakes? Use a meat baster (like a turkey baster) to squeeze pancake batter onto the hot griddle. You will get nice round pancakes. This can also allow you to make shapes, like bunny ears.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life. "So, John, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," John shook his head sadly, "Whenever I mention sex, they object." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== Advice to aspiring newsletter writers: 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat) 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should NEVER generalise. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 17. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 19. The passive voice is to be ignored. 20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas. 24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 26. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 29. Who needs rhetorical questions? 30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. And the last one... 31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Indy 500
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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