Dear Webby: Special Quarters 

Monday,  May 14, 2007

I am sorry about yesterday's Humor Letter being late, like
usual on Mothers Day. I sent it out at the normal time, but
on Mothers Day (and Fathers Day) I give server priority to
the postcards.

Two words never heard
In polite conversation
"Microsoft Vista"
--- Dave, ThinkGeek Techie Haiku Winner

Please let's keep this polite. If you have an urge to talk
dirty, please contact the vendor who conned you into
buying a Vista machine.


Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi.

He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her.
I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says,
"I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours,
or rather listened to her for four hours."

Schwartz says, Do you have any advice?"

The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison."


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There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow
and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's
bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to
watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.

"Yeah daddy, yeah daddy," said the little boy.

After a while the boy came into the living where his father was
talking with some friends. "Say, Pop," said the boy. "Yes,"
replied his father.

"The bull just mounted the brown cow."

There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said
"Excuse me" and took his son outside. "Son, you mustn't use
language like that in front of company. You should say 'The
bull surprised the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me
when the bull surprises the white cow."

The father went back inside the house. After a while the boy
came in and said, "Hey, Daddy."

"Yes, son. Did the bull surprise the white cow?"

"He sure did, Pop! He mounted the brown cow again!"


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Judge Jose Felipe Ledur in Brazil Judge obviously does not understand the situation May 5, 2007 - Brazil - BBC News A Brazilian brewery has been ordered to pay $49,000 to an alcoholic beer taster who claims the company failed to prevent his condition. The man, who has not been named, said the company, Ambev, did not provide him with adequate health care to stop him from developing alcoholism. He said that for more than a decade he drank around one and a half litres of beer each day. But Ambev says that the employee was an alcoholic before he took the job. The employee says he drank between 16 and 25 small glasses of beer during each eight hour shift at the company, and was also given a bottle of beer at the end of each shift. An initial ruling favoured Ambev, which claimed the man was already an alcoholic. But Judge Jose Felipe Ledur said the company was still negligent because an alcoholic should have never been employed as a beer taster. He added that the man's alcohol dependency had worsened in recent years, and that he felt like drinking the same amount on holiday as he drank at work. -------------------------- 1.5 liters of beer per day don't make a college student or NASCAR fan an alcoholic. However, a professional beer taster has to have a pre-existing immunity. He has to be able to be sober enough at the end of the shift, so that he can still tell the slightest change in taste. Most beer tasters drink less on work days than on days off. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture! Somebody is going to get yelled at! =========================================== A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!" ===========================================
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=========================================== Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing. The week's a freebie." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it," says St. Peter and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. St. Peter answered, "He's on a snow tire somewhere in Alaska." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Grandma Buttercup Re: Special Quarters Hi Webby I found the article on the quarter interesting. As a coin collector, I was wondering how one may go about obtaining a few of these coins. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank-you Grandma Buttercup Dear Grandma Buttercup They didn't really flood the market with them because they figured if they were scarce they would be noticed more. I had some of the Support The Troops quarters with the poppy, but have given them away to friends who have sons fighting in Afghanistan. The Breast Cancer quarter that I showed you in yesterday's Humor Letter is well used, as you saw, and definitely not collector's grade. To get it "Brilliant, Uncirculated", in a sealed pouch, you'll have to go to a reputable coin wholesaler like ... kribbon25c That run is finished and there won't be any more new ones. For the poppy (Support the troops) quarter there is the red poppy ... poppy25cbu and the gold poppy on pure silver for the serious collectors: ... 005_annual That was a very limited edition of only 15,000 world wide. It is already trading at over US$25, and expected to go up steeply. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 8, 2007 - Cincinnati, Ohio - AP Don't try to dupe Kent Parker just because he's blind and operates a deli in the Hamilton County Courthouse. Every once in a while, somebody tries to cheat him despite the security cameras trained on the cash register and about a dozen sheriff's deputies a few steps away. In the past two weeks, two women offered bills smaller than they claimed and were arrested within minutes. ''I have a lot of friends who watch out for me,'' said Parker, 43, who has been operating the Courthouse Deli for eight years. Sometimes Parker can tell if a customer is acting suspiciously. ''They test me, hand me money, seeing if I know what it is,'' he said. ''I don't see at all, but there are tricks to the trade.'' One is to simply lay the bill on the counter and ask one of his three employees to verify it. But not until the customer turns away. ''I don't want to insult anybody by making them think I'm doubting them,'' Parker said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Sweetening Whipped Cream Sweeten homemade whipped cream with Confectioner's (powdered) sugar instead of granulated sugar, if you like sweet whipped cream. The cream will hold its shape better, and be fluffier. By Nancy Keep in mind that Confectioner's Sugar or Icing Sugar usually contains starch. To get the same level of sweetness as with regular sugar, you have to add about 25% more by weight. If somebody is on a strict, starch-free diet, don't use icing sugar. For best results I start with 35 - 38% real whipping cream, beat it at high speed until it just starts to show peaks and valleys, then I stop the beater and add regular sugar, pulse the beater to mix in the sugar and then let it sit for about a minute. After that I beat it again at high speed until I see firm, stiff peaks that have no gloss and look just a bit coarse. That makes stiff gourmet whipped cream that can be applied to the side of a cake and won't sag or run. It will be just as firm as that semi-edible wall spackling compound sold in little tubs, but tastes much better. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
A young couple had just returned from their honeymoon and were settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night, the landlady met the man in the hallway. She said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your bride would like to have them?" "I'll ask her," the young man responded. He opened his door and called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?" "Hey, Pal," she retorted. "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I'm going home to mother." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the homeowner, "My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains," the homeowner replied. "Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just fell off the roof and broke both his legs, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Tapioka
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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