Dear Webby: Norton 360 Problem 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  May 16, 2007

He who laughs, lasts.
--- Mary Pettibone Poole


A tractor salesman was passing a farm, where the farmer
was plowing the field with a bull. He goes over and offers
to sell the farmer a tractor to plow with. The farmer tells
him "I don't need a tractor, I have three new ones at the

Well if you have three new tractors at the barn, why are you
plowing this field with that bull, asked the salesman ?

The farmer replied, "This is part of the bulls continuing
education. I am teaching him that there is more to farming
than messing with cows and tearing down fences.


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Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced
into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly
what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam,"
he said at length, "I've just three things to tell

"First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds.
Second, you should use about one tenth as
much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist -
the doctor's office is on the next floor."


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to car drivers in Jerusalem and a Darwin Award goes to Moshe Yisraeli, 63 of Jerusalem Worse than New York! May 8, 2007 - Jerusalem - Reuters More than two dozen Israeli motorists maneuvered around the dead body of a road accident victim lying in the middle of a busy intersection, failing to stop to help in an incident captured by a traffic camera. In footage broadcast by Israeli television stations on Monday and in a series of photographs on newspaper front pages, motorcyclist Moshe Yisraeli was seen trying to squeeze between two trucks at a junction on a highway near Tel Aviv Sunday. He never made it. The camera captured his body lying near the centre of the four-way intersection, his motorcycle meters away on its side. Some 30 cars and trucks slowed down and then carefully drove around the prone motorcyclist in a stream of traffic that continued for nearly two minutes before a driver stopped his vehicle and approached the body. An ambulance crew later pronounced Yisraeli, 63, dead at the scene ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture! =========================================== Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me "You're next!" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ===========================================
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=========================================== When an express train to London made an unscheduled stop at Reading, the philosopher, C.E.M. Joad, climbed aboard. "Youšve got to get off sir," the guard told him, "this train doesnšt stop here." Replied Joad, "In that case, don't worry. If it didn't stop here, I didn't get on it." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elsie Re: Norton Dear Webby I found out the hard way, again, that I should have followed your advice instead of listening to our IT manager. It seems that Vista + Norton is fatal. All of our company machines are too slow to work on, and don't even open browsers any more. My borrowed daughter's laptop with XP on it is our only properly working machine. (Her laptop is borrowed, she isnt). The company machines are so badly trashed, we can't even uninstall Norton. You mentioned a tool for cleaning out Norton once. Would that work to get the machines to work again? And how do we get it onto machines that can't browse any more? Thanks Elsie Dear Elsie Just browse with the laptop to my tool box and look for the Norton Removal Tool. Download it to the laptop and burn it onto a CD, or send it to each machine over the office network. Just copy the download right onto the desktop, then hit that icon. Once you have Norton removed, your machines will work exactly the same as they did before they installed Norton. There is apparently no lasting damage. From what I read, they had a wacky update patch, that Norton downloaded automatically, and it slowly cripples the machines infected with it. You will probably hear a lot more about Norton 360's problem in the next few days. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 9, 2007 - Merrill, Wisconsin - AP A service station that offered discounted gas to senior citizens and people supporting youth sports has been ordered by the state to raise its prices. Center City BP owner Raj Bhandari has been offering senior citizens a 2 cent per gallon price break and discount cards that let sports boosters pay 3 cents less per gallon. But the state Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection said those deals violate Wisconsin's Unfair Sales Act, which requires stations to sell gas for about 92 percent more than the wholesale price. Bhandari said he received a letter from the state auditor last month saying the state would sue him if he did not raise his prices. The state could penalize him for each discounted gallon he sold, with the fine determined by a judge. Bhandari, who bought the station a year ago, said he worries customers will think he stopped the discounts because he wants to make more money. About 10 percent of his customers had used the discount cards.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Removing Seafood Odors From Hands To remove seafood odor from your hands after dealing with boiled shrimp, crab, fish, etc., simply sprinkle salt onto wet hands, rub and rinse. No more odors. Lemon juice also works well for removing seafood smells. By Patricia
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell "straight." The boy did so correctly. "Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?" "Without water." =============================================
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======================================== John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was suddenly and silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh, no he didn't. In fact, my husband just walked in the front door." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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