Dear Webby: Spyware and virus protection 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 17, 2007
======================================

Our lives improve only when we take chances -
and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be
honest with ourselves.
--- Walter Anderson

"Of cheerfulness, or a good temper -
the more it is spent, the more of it remains."
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

=======================================

A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling
that something about this day was to be different.

Something unusual WAS about to happen today.
He glanced out the window at the thermometer:
33 degrees.  He went downstairs - the clock had
stopped at 3 o'clock.  He picked up the newspaper
and read the date: the 3rd of the month.

Threes - that was it!  He grabbed the paper and
flipped it open to the racing section.  Sure enough
in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio!
The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life
savings and bet it all on the horse to win.

The horse finished 3rd.

======================================

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===========================================

When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he
called a local repair shop where a friendly man
informed him that the printer probably needed only
to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for
such cleanings, he told him he might be better off
reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does
your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied
sheepishly. "We usually make more money on
repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves
first."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Brian Anton, minister at Living Word Church in Tampa, Florida Dopey Preacher May 7, 2007 - Tampa, Florida - AP A 70-year-old minister faces drug charges after police said he had crack cocaine at his church. Police said an officer approached David Brian Anton Sunday in the parking lot of Living Word Church in Tampa. The officer searched Anton and reported finding a plastic bag with 16 rocks of crack cocaine in his shirt pocket. An affidavit said police also recovered a crack pipe. Anton was charged with possession of cocaine, possession of cocaine within 1,000-feet of a church and possession of drug paraphernalia. He remains in jail on a $17,500 bond. ===========================================
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=========================================== =========================================== A reporter was interviewing Jack Nicklaus. He said, "Jack, you are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What is your secret?" To which Jack replied, "The holes are numbered!" ===========================================
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=========================================== A civil servant is badly hurt falling down the stairs of the Ministry of Absorption in Jerusalem. He is taken to Hadassah hospital where he remains in a coma for several days. Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him: "My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll never be able to work again..." "Nu," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pat Re: Spyware Protection Dear Webby I love your Humor Letter and was wondering if you could help me...do you know what the best spyware and virus protection to run on your computer..I am haveing problems and don't know what to get...Thanks Pat Dear Pat I use McAfee Virus Scan and McAfee FireWall and Spybot-Search&Destroy from the left side menu in the Humor Letter. That one is free. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 10, 2007 - Zhengzhou City, Henan, China - Ananova An 87-year-old grandfather is studying law in China after his own lawyer let him down. Wang Jianbang, 87, of Zhengzhou city, Henan province, is taking the course with students a quarter of his age. "I was in a lawsuit for two years concerning my apartment, and suffered a lot for my lack of knowledge," he told the Zhengzhou Evening News. The lawyer he hired confused a civil case with an administrative case, which made him realise the importance of knowing more about the law. "The case lasted two years, which wasted a lot of my time and money. Since I am still able, I want to become a lawyer," he added. The Zhengzhou Justice training school has waived all of Wang's tuition fees because of his age. School president Sun Jiwen said: "We were touched by his spirit. He is the most senior student we have had and we want to help him realise his dream."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Mushrooms When cooking mushrooms, always be sure to cook them with low heat and do not allow them to cook too long. If you do, they will become tough and will shrivel. Very little additional liquid is needed, because mushrooms are ninety percent water.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
"TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR DEAD NEIGHBORS" If you share a home with a friend or relative, be thankful. They will give you company and support. And if you happen to die, they will miss you dearly, especially when the dishes start to pile up. Not everyone is so lucky. A 40-year-old woman in Marburg, Germany, lay dead in her apartment for more than 10 months before police found her body. The body was discovered only because the landlord cared enough to ask, "Where's my darn rent?" The woman's neighbors hadn't noticed anything strange. They had apparently assumed she was hibernating. Just like Al Gore. Such cases seem to be a major problem in Germany, where death often arrives a few months, even a few years, before the undertaker. That's partly because of the country's efficient banking system, which makes automatic bill-paying so easy, even dead people can do it. In 1998, a Hamburg man was found dead on his sofa. He had expired five years earlier, but, sitting in front of his television, he looked just as lively as most men. The only thing missing was a sign that said, "I'd get up to answer the door, but I'm dead tired." Unfortunately Germany isn't the only country where dead people are taking up valuable apartment space. Russian workers once found a man's skeletal remains in a room in a communal apartment. He had been dead for five years, but the families sharing the other rooms were too preoccupied to realize that a room was available. Even people with roommates sometimes find themselves neglected, as did 43-year-old William Everett Delaney. The Key West, Florida, man lay dead on his kitchen floor for two months. His 78-year-old roommate recalled that Delaney had fallen on the floor, but thought he was still alive, perhaps doing some close-up research on the kitchen tiles. The roommate offered to take Delaney to the hospital or get him something to eat or drink, but when Delaney didn't reply, the roommate made the only logical conclusion: Delaney was very stubborn. The 78-year-old stepped over Delaney's body for two months, probably shaking his head and thinking, "I wish he'd get up and help me clean the kitchen. It's starting to get an awful smell." Nobody deserves to die so anonymously. That's why it's important to check on your neighbors regularly, especially if they're elderly. Just knock on their doors and ask if they're OK. You: "Hello! Is anyone there?" Female neighbor (shouting from behind her door): "Whatever you're selling, we don't want any. That includes religion." You: "I'm not selling anything. I'm your neighbor. Just stopping by to make sure you aren't dead." Neighbor: "Dead? No, I don't think I'm dead. But I'm not sure about my husband. He hasn't moved from the couch since 1983. Do you think that's abnormal?" You: "Only if he isn't holding the remote." If you don't want to disturb your neighbors, keep a lookout for signs that they may have died years ago. Here are a few telltales: ---The grass around their home is so tall, the Boy Scouts want to camp there. ---Their blue Volvo has gradually turned white, getting a free paint job from the birds. ---They have a sign on their driveway that reads, "Grover Cleveland for President." ---They're still flying the confederate flag. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== "Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Futh, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand. The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. "Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and smiling, "Oh! Boy!" His mother said, "I don't want you...." Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Futh, you're turtle is not dead after all." "Oh," the disappointed boy said. "Can I kill it?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: lStrange Colors http://snipurl.com/1kw3x
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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