Dear Webby: Taking a computer to Europe 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  May 20, 2007
======================================

 "Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts
and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results."
 James Allen

=======================================

        MOTHER'S DICTIONARY

Amnesia : A condition that enables a woman who has gone through
         labor to have sex again.

Bottle Feeding : An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM too.

Defense : What you'd better have aroun de yard if you're going to
          let de children play outside.

Drooling : How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter : One who asks if the kids would care to order
             dessert.

Family Planning : The art of spacing your children the proper
                  distance apart to keep you on the edge of
                  financial disaster

Feedback : The inevitable result when the baby doesn't
           appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name : What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents : The people who think your children are wonderful
               even though they're sure you're not raising them
               right.

Grandparents II : The people about whom you are still attending
                  therapy sessions, but who you would gladly
                  send your children to for a month to take a
                  vacation.

Hearsay : What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable : A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent : How we want our children to be as long as they do
              everything we say.

Look Out! : What it's too late for your child to do by the time
            you scream it.

Prenatal : When your life was still somewhat your own.

Prepared Childbirth : A contradiction in terms.

Puddle : A small body of water that draws other small bodies
         wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off : A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize : What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling
            it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom : The distance required between the supermarket aisles
            so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach
            anything.

Temper Tantrums : What you should keep to a minimum so as to not
                  upset the children.

Thunderstorm : A chance to see how many family members can fit
               into one bed.

Top Bunk : Where you should never put a child wearing Superman
           jammies.

Two-Minute Warning : When the baby's face turns red and she
                     begins to make those familiar grunting
                     noises.

Verbal : Able to whine in words.

Weaker Sex : The kind you have after the kids have worn you
             out.

Whodunit : None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops : An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a
         sponge."

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At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy
to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when
you don't know anything.

The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his
mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His
mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your
father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work,
and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly
hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when
he sees the mail man at his front door. The boy greets him by
saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail,
opens his arms and says, "Then come give your Daddy a big hug."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a chicken farmer in Osnabrueck, Germany Scared eggless May 8, 2007 - Osnabrueck, Germany - Ananova A German farmer has gone to court after claiming a hot air balloon scared his chickens. Johann Stresen, 47, told a court in Osnabrueck that his 20,000 birds were so frightened they stopped laying eggs. He is claiming $35,600 in damages because the Dutch hot air balloon flew just 75ft over his farm instead of the 350ft required by law. ===========================================
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=========================================== =========================================== An elderly woman went into the doctor`s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I`d like to have some birth-control pills." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you`re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "Simple, I put them in my granddaughter`s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== There are these two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again?" He asks her, "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time I hold the pigeon down and you crap on its head!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richard Re: Computer for Europe Dear Webby I have to go to Europe for six month. Can my computer be adapted to work over there, or would it be better to buy one there? I also have an Iomega remote hard drive. Does that one work there? Thanks Richard Dear Richard Yes, they all work just fine in Europe. Take along the power bar that you use now, but cut the plug off. When you get there, go to the nearest hardware store or supermarket and buy a regular plug. Each country there has a different plug, and some countries have different ones in different regions. All that talk about a united and standardized Europe is just BS. The only thing they all have in common is a dislike for Americans, and usually also a fair bit of envy.. Get the local plug and attach it to the power bar cord. Then look at the back of your computer for a tiny, red slide switch. Sometimes it is covered by tape to keep kids from playing with it. Use a pen or small screwdriver to slide that switch to the 220 setting. The same with the monitor, unless it already has a 100 - 240 Volt rating printed on the back. The Iomega remote hard drive doesn't care what voltage you power it with. It adapts automatically for anything between 100 and 240. You COULD get an adapter for the area that you go to, but they cost 8 - 10 times more than an ordinary power plug, plus shipping. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 10, 2007 - Tyneside, UK - Daily Telegraph A Tyneside woman has saved the life of her boss by donating a kidney. Angela Dawson, 44, put herself forward after tests had ruled out Alma Caldwell's mother and sister. Mrs Caldwell was diagnosed with polycystic kidneys four years ago and put on dialysis, reports the Daily Telegraph. Doctors had warned her that there was only a 30% chance a non-relative would be a match. However, the transplant was successful. Mrs Caldwell, who is chief executive of North Tyneside Age Concern, is making an excellent recovery. "She has given me the gift of life. All I can say is she is Angela by name and Angel by nature," the 49-year-old from Whitley Bay said. Mrs Dawson, who lives with her husband Malcolm and daughter Amanda in Wallsend, is her second in command at Age Concern. "I've watched her go through so much over the 12 years I've known her and just wanted to be able to do something," she said. Mrs Caldwell, who has also survived a brain aneurysm, added: "Thanks to Angela I have a quality of life I could never have anticipated."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Spices Cool Store your spices in a cool, dry space to keep them fresh. If they are too near to the stove, they will lose their flavor more quickly. Another way to keep spices fresh is to leave then whole and grind them as you need them.
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As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes. When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Linda for this story: My wife and I are teachers, and our jobs often spill over into our family life. One morning, as our eight-year-old Maggie was getting ready for school, I peeked into her room just to be sure she had tidied it up. "You call THAT a made bed?" I asked. "No, Dad," Maggie replied. "It's just a rough draft." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Old Pictures
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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