Dear Webby: MS Office or Open Office 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  May 21, 2007

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent,
hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two
percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.
--- Lily Tomlin

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not
know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
--- Theodore Roosevelt


The lovers had decided that a mutual parting of the ways was
best for both of them.  However, on the way to the Airport a
rather heated debate started as to whose fault their break-up

At the crowded gate, she turned and said, "Thanks for nothing
you cheap bastard."

As she went down the ramp with the other passengers, he
shouted back "Hey baby.  Don't be like that.  If you ever work
this town again, give me a call."


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A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He
handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back
in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached
a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This
student got back his test and $64 change.


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Leo Lewis Jr in Sloatsburg, NY Lost his cool May 8, 2007 - Suffern, New York - AP A man who had been acquitted of charges he groped a woman fired a sawed-off rifle at her during a court hearing over attorney’s fees, authorities said. No one was injured but the shot narrowly missed the judge’s head. “I should have shot that b—- two years ago,” Leo Lewis Jr. said as he stood up and pulled the trigger on Monday night, according to a felony complaint issued Tuesday. The complaint also said Lewis confessed he had previously thought about killing the woman. Lewis had been acquitted of charges of forcibly touching the 49-year-old woman, and on Monday he was seeking attorney’s fees from her in small claims court, according to Louis Valvo, chief assistant district attorney for Rockland County. The hearing was being held in the small town of Sloatsburg, and the courtroom on the second floor of Village Hall has no metal detectors. The shot missed the woman and struck a window several feet above a judge’s head, police said. An officer who was in the courtroom for traffic court fired off a shot, then chased Lewis down and, with the help of a bystander, tackled him, authorities said. Bail was set at $500,000, and the woman and the Sloatsburg judge, Thomas Newman, were given orders of protection against Lewis. Lewis, his face bruised, was arraigned on second-degree attempted murder and weapon possession charges Tuesday. He pleaded not guilty. Sloatsburg Mayor Carl Wright told the Journal News that an effort to install security cameras and other safety measures was under way but the plan did not include a metal detector. ===========================================
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=========================================== =========================================== A popular cheerleader bounced into the local card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk. "Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?" she asked. "Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a new one. It's inscribed, "To the Boy Who Got My Cherry." "Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box." ===========================================
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=========================================== In the subway train the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject. "Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life --- no effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner--a plain dinner, mark my words: after that, an hour's exercise; then.." "Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the corner, "but what were you in prison for???" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helga Re: MS Office or Open Office Dear Webby What is the difference between MS Office and Open Office? I have to get one of them. Which one do you recommend? Helga Dear Helga The biggest diffeernce that I can see is that you can install Open Office on a shirt pocket USB hard drive and run it from there when you plug it into any computer's USB port. And it is free. With MS Office you would need to buy a $500 license for each machine, with the free Open Office you got everything, from settings and preferences to your documents, spreadsheets and pictures on your portable hard drive, and basically just "borrow" the keybaord and the printer and hardware of the computer that you plug it into. The included features are about the same, though Open Office seems to be improving faster than MS Office. Whichever one you learn, that's the one you will be good at, and that one will be your preferred choice. There is no single feature that I an think of that is available in only one of them, except maybe the ability to create PDF files. You can do that with Open Office, but if you have MS Office, you need to shell out another $450 to get Adobe Acrobat Professional to do the same. Microsoft was going to include it, but backed off at the last minute, when Adobe threatened to sue. Seems there was more copying than inspiration involved. Since you don't have either one yet, and would not have to un-learn and trade the peculiarities of one of them for those of the other, I would recommend Open Office. You can download it free at Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos NEW YORK (AFP) - Two Russian-born sisters are due to become assistant professors of finance in New York state later this year, even though they are only 19 and 21, university officials said Wednesday. Angela Kniazeva and her younger sister Diana were due to take up their new positions in September at the University of Rochester, where half of their students will likely be older than them. The pair, who already have masters degrees in international policy from Stanford University in California, were picking up their doctorates from New York University's Stern business school on Wednesday after five years of study. The talented twosome told the New York Post they did not consider themselves geniuses, despite their achievements. "I don't think this is the right word or right way of putting it," the newspaper quoted Angela as saying. "I think we've been given valuable opportunities, and we found ourselves in very fortunate circumstances." The duo were home-schooled by their parents and earned the equivalent of their US high-school diploma at the ages of 10 and 11 before graduating college in Russia at the ages of 13 and 14. They graduated from Stanford in 2002. The brainiac pair, who have already been teaching international financial management at New York University, seemed unfazed by their new positions.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Saving Energy When Drying Clothes It's best to keep your dryer hot by running one load after another. It will help maintain your dryer's heat. It consumes the most energy while it is heating up. Clean the lint dryer between every use and don't over dry clothing.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious." "No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been messing around for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing." "True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth.....!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world." But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Corals in a tank
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!

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