Dear Webby: Defrag never finishes 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  May 26, 2007

The game of life is the game of boomerangs.
Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later,
with astounding accuracy.
--- Florence Shinn


Three guys were standing around talking about dying when
one asked, "What would you like people to say about you as
they come to pay their last respects?"
The second man said, "I hope they say I was a respected
doctor in my field, a good family man, and had lots of friends."

The third man said, "I hope they say I was a well spoken
attorney, helped my fellow man, good citizen, and played a
mean round of golf."

The first man said, "That's probably what will be said of the
two of you. My hope is that when they look down in my coffin,
they say, "Look...he's moving"!


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A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife
"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time
to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to
leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
"Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion
shouts back..."Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristina Andreeva, 23 and Ivan Filin, 48 of Sofia, Bulgaria Not fit to drive May 12, 2007 - Sofia, Bulgaria - Ananova A driving student lost her license three hours after passing her test after going for a drink with her instructor to celebrate. Police in the Bulgarian capital Sofia pulled over Kristina Andreeva, 23, for erratic driving and a breath test found both she and instructor Ivan Filin, 48, were three times over the limit. Andreeva said: "I had promised to buy him a drink if I got my license and we went to a cafe, had a couple of wines and then offered to drive him home. I was so happy I just didn't think about the drink drive rules." Police said they had also stripped Filin of his driving license and his business license as a driving instructor for encouraging drink-driving. ===========================================
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=========================================== =========================================== While digging a shaft into the German homeland, German scientists discovered small pieces of copper at 50 meters. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. The British ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. At a depth of 100 meters, they discovered small pieces of glass. Soon the British announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber net. Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100, and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. The Israelis concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones. ===========================================
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=========================================== A man and his wife went to a psychiatrist to see if they could gain some relief for the man's belief that he was a refrigerator. After meeting with the husband, the psychiatrist assured the wife that there was nothing about which to be concerned. A bit perturbed the wife stated, "But doc at night when he sleeps with his mouth open the light keeps me awake!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bobbie Re: Defrag never finishes Dear Webby My computer is getting really slow, so a friend suggested that I defrag it. I tried that, but the Windows defrag never finishes. It just keeps re-starting. What am I doing wrong? Bobbie Dear Bobbie Forget the Windows defrag. It won't work for me either. First, make sure you got about 20% of your hard drive free. Then get DisKeeper. It's not free, but well worth the money. You can get a free trial version at Diskeeper Set it to defrag automatically whenever your screensaver comes on, then leave the machine running overnight. By morning it will be nicely defragged and from then on stay that way. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 12, 2007 - Albania - Ananova A wolf captured in Albania has become best friends with a donkey. The donkey was put in the wolf's cage as part of its feeding programme. But instead of hunting it down and eating it, the wolf befriended the donkey, reports Sky News. The two animals have since become inseparable, living together in the cage for the last 10 days. Curious villagers and local news reporters have been flocking to see the unlikely couple for themselves. The wolf was captured four months ago in the northern Albanian mountains.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Uneven Cake Layers Sometimes you bake a cake layer that comes out just a little bit lopsided. Level the layer with a serrated knife. Then apply a coat of frosting to the rough edge leftover from the cut. Let the frosting dry before frosting the rest of the cake. A serrated knife sounds rather barbaric to me! Cut some leftover shelving or other wood with the same thickness as a layer of the cake to just fit into your cake pans and sand and varnish it nicely, because some day it will become a heirloom. After you dump the cake, put the wood spacer in and the cake on top of that. Then use the edge of the cake pan as a guide to saw it into layers with dental floss. Remove the bottom layer and put the top layer onto the spacer and trim the top to be precisely the same as the bottom. You will get the same laser smooth cut that the professionals get (who use that same old trick). If you don't have any scrap wood, a book or a stack of junk mail in a ziplock bag works fine too. If you do a lot of cakes in a row, tie the ends of the dental floss to wooden spoons so that you don't cut your hands. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
After driving all night, a man arrived in a small town where he decided to stop in the local park and catch some sleep. Just as he dozed off, there was a knock on the window. Outside the car, was a jogger. "Excuse me, can you give me the time?" the jogger inquired. "Groggily, the man replied, "It's 6:27." The man closed his eyes and just as he dozed off there was another knock on the window. There stood another jogger who said, "I'm sorry to disturb you. Do you have the time?", Struggling to keep up his spirits he replied, "It's 6:34." The man rolled up the window but realizing that this could go on indefinitely, he took paper and pen and created a sign which read: "I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME." He stuck the sign in the window, closed his eyes, and was barely asleep when there came yet another tap on the window. The man looked and sure enough, there was another jogger. He disgustedly rolled down the window and said, "Yeah, what is it?" The jogger replied, "It's 6:42." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== Two men were sitting in a doctors office. "What are you here for?" asked one. "Circumcision," came the reply. "That's rouh! I had one of those the day after I was born," the first man commented. "Afterward, I couldn't walk for a year." ======================================== Here is the long link for yesterday's Bonus Link Site:
Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link:: Dragon Boats More Dragon Boats Even more Dragon Boats
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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