Dear Webby: Does not hibernate 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  May 29, 2007
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Failures are like skinned knees, painful but superficial.
--- Ross Perot

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Thanks to Sandie for this report:
A hot red convertible with an equally hot woman driver raced
by as my husband and his friend stopped to stare.
"Wow," sighed Rick. "Nice."
"Yeah," agreed his buddy, transfixed.
"What color was the car?" I asked.
They answered simultaneously, "Blonde."

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The CIA loses track of one of its operatives, and so calls in
one of their top spy hunters.

The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is
Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland.  If you think
you've located him, tell him the code words, 'The weather
forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll
answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'"

So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a bar in one of
the small towns.  He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can
help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy."

The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more
specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named
Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop
on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, who's president
of our local savings bank.  There's Murphy the Blacksmith, who
works at the stables.  And, as a matter of fact, my name is
Murphy, too."

Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the
code words on the bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast
calls for mist in the morning."

The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy.
He lives right down the street."

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sandra McDonagh of Brighton, Sussex, UK Sniveling Ninnie May 9, 2007 - Brighton, Sussex, UK - The Sun A playwright has been told to warn audiences his show features a roast chicken to avoid offending vegetarians. Doug Devaney, 41, is starring in one-man play Mein Gutt, a black comedy about one man's losing battle with obesity. But Brighton Fringe Festival organisers say the roast chicken in the play could cause offence, reports the Sun. Mr Devaney, of Brighton, said: "I've heard of strobe lighting or nudity being cause for audience concern but never roasted chicken. I'm happy to do it - I just find it weird. Will Shakespeareans have to warn theatre-goers about eye-gouging in King Lear from now on? It takes some of the surprise of theatre away." But event organiser Sandra McDonagh said: "We don't want to cause offence." ===========================================
We have a date for you!
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=========================================== Thanks to Cindy for this picture from her visit to the Toledo zoo =========================================== These ads could have benefitted from a bit of proof-reading! Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, and you'll never go anywhere again. Illiterate? Write today for free help. Great Dames for sale. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Mother's helper--peasant working conditions. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. "Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards." "Is that when you swore?" "No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away." "Is that when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again. "Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun. "No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball." "Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient. "No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole." The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the f**king putt, didn't you?" Contributed by: Mary (I wonder if that is Mother Mary... LOL) =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: No Hibernation Dear Webby I need your help Again. On my new Windows XP machine I cannot seem to get any of the power options to work. It will not automatically go into standby or shutdown or hibernate (I have the hibernate option checked to on). I have tried to change the times to activate a function and changed to different settings to no avail. It will go to screen saver and thats all. What am I missing? You have always given me good advice and thanks. I have been with you since 1998 and your tips are great. But "help" once again. Ron P Dear Ron Some brands use proprietary hot-keys to get into the BIOS set-up. Best would be to call the support for the brand that you have, and get them to tell you what non-standard way they use to accomplish that. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Los Angeles, California - Press Release Dori Kenneally is a lawyer and former prosecutor who volunteers as a children's advocate. Now working behind the scenes, she speaks up for children who are lost in the legal and social welfare systems in Los Angeles. Since most of these children come from homes with serious substance abuse issues, Dori is especially committed to raising awareness about the need for more quality drug and alcohol treatment programs. She hopes they will benefit drug-addicted mothers and their young children, providing a safe environment where the entire family can heal.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Animals Out of Trash A bungie cord securing the lid should prevent trash from spilling out if an animal tips it over. As a deterrent, fill a spray bottle with ammonia and spray the outside of the can every few days. This will keep animals away.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. "Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards." "Is that when you swore?" "No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away." "Is that when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again. "Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun. "No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball." "Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient. "No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole." The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the #$% six inch putt, didn't you?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Kentucky An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." The following important amendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to male horses." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Clouds http://www.cloudappreciationsociety.org/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby



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