Dear Webby: Dipsticks 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 31, 2007
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 "Let us never negotiate out of fear;
but let us never fear to negotiate."
 John F. Kennedy

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The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed
a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills.
The driver wasn't too sure how to get there, so told the
couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their
destination. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait to
get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat.
During the couple's moment of passion, the cab driver
noticed a fork in the road,
and said, "I take the next turn, right?"
"No way, get your own," said the groom,
"this one's all mine...."

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From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded
man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving
his hands.

"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.

"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to lawyers Corri Fetman and Kelly Garland in Chicago, Ill Dumb Ad May 9, 2007 - Chicago, Illinois - AP A racy billboard proclaiming "Life's short. Get a divorce" caused such an uproar that city workers stripped it from its downtown perch after a week. It wasn't so much about the partially clothed man and woman on the law firm's ad. It was the phrase that lawyers Corri Fetman and Kelly Garland chose that drew scores of complaints from neighbors and from other attorneys who said it reflected poorly on their profession. A city alderman who lives nearby found a technical reason to jettison the sign. "I called the building inspector and told him to do his job and he did," said Alderman Burton Natarus. "It has nothing to do with content or anything else. They did not have a permit and they were ordered to take it down." ===========================================
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=========================================== A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness. The defense attorney asked, "Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?" "No sir," answered the man. "Did you ever get any from his wife?" "No sir." "Did you ever get any from his daughters?" "Uh - excuse me sir," the witness said, "we're still talking about drugs here, right?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wes Re: Oil Shortage Dear Webby Oil Shortage, ... Dipsticks in Washington... Wes Dear Wes There is no oil shortage. We have millions of capped wells here in Alberta, waiting for some demand. The same in Alska. The dipsticks are all over, not just in Washington. You have a Free Enterprise economy. The gasoline price is not set in Washington, but by the gas stations. And they set it according to the local gullibility index. As your country is swinging towards the Socialist side, you definitely show the oil companies and gas stations that the sheep are in a gullible mood. As long as the sheep buy from higher priced stations, instead of first checking at http://www.gasbuddy.com/, and consistently buying only from the lowest priced stations, the price has not peaked yet. When a gas station owner sees the sheep and the dipsticks paying five cents more across the street, then naturally he is going to raise his price too. The only way you can lower the gas prices is by checking at GasBuddy or similar sites first, and boycotting stations that charge more than the absolutely lowest price for your area. If your neighborhood is not listed yet, volunteer! It only takes a few seconds to report. And above all, educate the dipsticks in your area to check the gas prices first, not just the cleavage of the gas station attendants. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 13, 2007 - Toronto, Canada - Canadian Press The air at Toronto City Hall was filled with feathers Saturday as about 200 people whacked total strangers with down-filled pillows. The massive public pillow fight was held in front of city hall and at 3 p.m. when the signal was given, chaos filled the square for more than half an hour as pillows burst and feathers coated innocent bystanders. Most of the participants were teenagers and young adults. Many dressed up for the occasion, wearing bandannas, ski goggles and capes. The younger children mostly watched from the sidelines, seeming confused and a little disappointed at all the grown-ups who had taken over their fun. The fight was organized by Newmindspace, an interactive public art co-operative.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy a Programmable Thermostat A programmable thermostat can save you 10% annually on your heating and cooling costs. They are easy to install and can be purchased at any hardware or home improvement store for about $50. That way you aren't heating or cooling the house when no one is home.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
When her late husband's will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse's tombstone. "Sorry, lady," said the stonecutter. "I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' on your orders. I can't change it now." "Very well," she said grimly. "Just add, `Until We Meet Again.' " =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== In Bill Gates' book (Business @ The Speed of Thought), he lays out 11 rules that students do not learn in high school or college. He argues that our feel good, politically correct teachings have created a generation of kids with no concept of reality who are set up for failure in the real world. RULE 1 - Life is not fair; get used to it. RULE 2 - The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. RULE 3 - You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both. RULE 4 - If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure. RULE 5 - Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity. RULE 6 - If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. RULE 7 - Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try "delousing" the closet in your own room. RULE 8 - Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. RULE 9 - Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time. RULE 10 - Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. RULE 11 - Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Scotch Tape Art http://www.squizzle.com/picview.asp?id=18643
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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