Dear Webby: How to open a PayPal account? 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  June 5, 2007

Pride is concerned with who is right,
humility is concerned with what is right.
--- Ezra Taft Benson


It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready
to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the
 kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his
 wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

  Jake asks her: "What are you up to?"
  Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"

 Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly
 decides to take her along. Later they arrive at the hunting site.
  Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her:
 "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back
  as soon as I hear the shot".

  Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't
  bag an elephant--much less a deer. Not 10 minutes
pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.

 Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her
  stand, he hears Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"
  Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he
   hears her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of

 Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a
  cowboy, with his hands high in the air.
  The cowboy, obviously distraught, says: "Okay, lady, okay!!!!
  You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!"


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ONE RECRUIT in our platoon at Fort Knox, Ky., had an unusual
habit. No matter what lowly detail he pulled, he would smile.
On a 20-mile hike with full backpack, this guy beamed from
ear to ear. Cleaning the latrine had him smiling as if
he'd just heard a comedy routine.  But on our long-awaited
graduation day, everyone was grinning except him.
"Why," I asked, "aren't you smiling today?"
"Because, now," he said, "it won't drive our drill
instructor crazy!"


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shane Lovett of Eagle Creek, Colorado Sore Loser May 31, 2007 - Eagle Creek, Colorado - UPI Police were looking for an Oregon man who allegedly locked three pigs in his home hoping they would trash it after the house went into foreclosure. Detective Jim Strovink of the Clackamas County Sheriff's Office said Shane Lovett of Eagle Creek had been distraught about the foreclosure and joked to neighbors he had locked the pigs in his home more than a week ago without any food or water, KGW-TV in Portland, Ore., reported. Deputies responded to a neighbor's complaint about the pigs and found the inside and outside of the house had been trashed. Thomas Getten, an animal rescue expert, said the pigs were dehydrated but otherwise healthy after he coaxed them outside. The pigs had an escape route all along through the busted back door, but refused to make the jump to the patio below the door. The sheriff's department was asking anyone with information about Lovett's whereabouts to contact them. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Sue for this picture: Can some one help me.....tell me the name of these flowers? They start by making a gob of small red berries, then the berries burst with pink flowers. Gorgeous. Sue from Crowley, Louisiana ===========================================
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=========================================== A Fundamentalist Minister in Alabama, sorely tempted, finally propositioned the Choir director one night after practice, when they were alone in the Church. "Where Reverend?" she enthusiastically replied. "Right here on the floor." he panted. "It'd be too cold." she whispered. "How about standing up?" "Good Lord girl. Have you taken leave of you senses?" he shouted. "If anyone came in, they'd think we were dancing." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: How to open a PayPal account Dear Webby, how do you set up a paypal account? I have wanted to know but kept forgetting to ask you. I look forward to your humor letter every day. my hubby & I have learned lots of things from you. THANKS Carol Dear Carol Just go to and click on the "Sign Up" link in the top right corner. It will ask you the usual stuff, but not as much as when you sign up for a bank account downtown. Just fill that out, and you'll get your account. You can run it like a debit card account, so that you can only use whatever money you got in it, or you can back it up with a credit card, so that it can fall back onto that, if you are a bit short on a purchase or for example are buying more Skype Out minutes in the middle of a long phone call. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 25, 2007 - Greenville, South Carolina - AP A Goodwill Industries worker who turned in more than $5,000 she found in donated pajama pants will get to keep the money because the owner could not be found. Kelli Owens, a 21-year-old single mother of three, was sorting donated clothes as part of her training at Goodwill earlier this month when she found the money. She took it straight to her supervisor. ''She will get to keep the money,'' Goodwill spokeswoman Crystal Hardesty said Friday. ''It's being invested into a scholarship fund.'' Owens plans to go to Greenville Technical College to pursue a career in law enforcement. ''I just want everybody to be proud of me knowing that there is someone out there that is honest,'' Owens told WYFF-TV on Thursday. ''I couldn't keep it because it belonged to somebody else, you know. I couldn't live with myself knowing that.'' The money was in an envelope with a note naming the intended recipient. The giver wrote that he or she hoped the money would be spent wisely. Goodwill officials talked to more than 30 people, but none could give the right description, the name on the letter or where the donation was dropped off.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Homemade Waterproof Matches Here are a couple of ways to make your own waterproof stick matches for camping trips. Melt a small amount of paraffin wax in a double boiler and dip your the match head in the melted wax, then let dry. Or, coat the match head with clear nail polish. Regular, cheap BIC lighters don't suffer from falling into the water. They float nicely and work just fine after air drying a few minutes. If you need an extension to reach deep into a camp stove, a strand of uncooked spaghetti works great. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
A man was telling a friend about a nudist party he'd been invited to. "I rang the bell and the nudist butler opened the door." he stated. His friend interrupted, "How did you know he was the butler?" "Well, he answered smoothly, I could tell right away that it wasn't the maid." ============================================= DELICATE DISTINCTION I took my Maltese dog to a park to play with other dogs. It was a social time for people and pets. When my dog began to tire, I scooped up dog and blanket, said my goodbyes and we left. I was a block away when I noticed a man the size of a truck running after me yelling. It was getting dark. I took off, my dog bouncing in my arms. He kept coming. I was a bit frightened, hurried to a place where there were people and stopped to catch my breath. As he got closer he kept hollering, "Check the damn plumbing!" Just what I needed, some weirdo! My dog was struggling in my arms when the guy finally slammed to a stop in from of me. "Look, " he growled as he held his dog, a Maltese. He pointed to the dogs belly," This is a male." Tipping up the dog in my arms I saw I had a female. I have never been so damn embarrassed in my life. As we exchanged dogs. the crowd around us started to laugh. The man suggested I put a blue ribbon on my Maltese next time. I had grabbed the wrong dog. They were identical, unless you checked out the plumbing. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== THE COP WHO BUSTED YOU SAID WHAT... "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "In God we trust, all others are suspects." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Old Time Radio
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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