Dear Webby: Pirated XP 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  June 8, 2007

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.
--- Edmund Hillary


Thanks to Bert for this story:
Since my 16-year-old son recently received a prepaid cell
phone as a gift, I've asked him to use it to call home if he's
out past his curfew. One Saturday night while waiting up
for him, I dozed off in front of the TV.

Later I woke to realize that there was no sign of him, and
there had been no call.

Irate, I punched in his number. When he answered, I
demanded, "Where are you, and why haven't you bothered
to call?!"

"Dad," he sleepily replied, "I'm upstairs in bed.
I've been home for an hour!"


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 Everyone knows Barney ... that cute purple dinosaur.
 But here's something that you may not know:

 1. Start with the given:

 2. Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway)

 3. Extract all Roman Numerals:
     CV    V  L  DI    V

 4. Convert these into Arabic values:
     100 5 5  50 500 1 5

 5. Add these numbers up:
    +  5

 There you have it.....
 A valid mathematical proof that Barney is the Antichrist!


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chapman, 47, of Wilkinsburg, , Pennsylvania Impersonating May 26, 2007 - Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - AP A woman portraying a police officer as a TV extra took her part one step too far by entering a courtroom where her son faced a weapons charge, police said. Kimberly Chapman was working as an extra Monday on the Spike TV series "The Kill Point". Later in the day, she showed up wearing her police costume at a Family Court hearing for her son. Chapman, 47, of Wilkinsburg, told a court employee she was a police officer and was looking for the probation officer on the case, Pittsburgh police said. Ecker said she simply rushed to the courthouse without changing out of the faux police uniform. Police, however, said she identified herself as a Pittsburgh police officer to three people. They charged Chapman with impersonating a public servant and theft because she allegedly didn't have permission to leave the downtown set with the $500 uniform, which is now being held as evidence. A production assistant on the show, Katie Shenot, confirmed Chapman worked as an extra and that she didn't have permission to leave the set in uniform. Extras must turn in all uniforms and props, which are secured by having the extras leave their identification with the crew. Chapman said the criminal charges cost her the job. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Alkali Lake near Christmas Valley , OR ===========================================
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=========================================== The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had enough and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned, only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's door and just kept ringing the bell. When the model answered, the wife fumed, "I would like to know why it is my husband takes so long to get something over here." "Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't helping none either." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Christine Re: Pirated Windows I hope you can help me----- the person I bought my computer from unfortunately put a pirated copy of Windows XP on my computer. He built the pc for me and charged me a good price for it -----but I cannot get in touch with him , so I have to find a way to solve this problem. Of course, Microsoft won't let me do any updates, etc. because the validation key is telling them apparently that my windows XP is not a valid version. What do I do at this point? I don't know what I should do about this. Do you have any suggestions. I value your opinion and love your humor letter- it helps me to get through the day. Christine Dear Christine Simply tell Microsoft about the pirated copy. They have a much bigger stick than you do. Usually, when you report a pirate, they send you a legitimate version with box and CD, and take the cost of it out of the hide of the thief. There are three ways to report piracy. Method 1: Email Method 2: Call the Microsoft Anti-Piracy Hotline at (800) RU-LEGIT. Method 3: Go to the following web page to fill out an online reporting form: Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 26, 2007 - Lakewood, Ohio - UPI A Lakewood, Ohio, landlord has been ordered by a judge to house arrest in one of his derelict buildings until he makes the proper repairs. Lakewood Municipal Judge Patrick Carroll ordered Richard Naumann to live in his Lake Avenue apartment building -- which has no heat, hot water, operable stoves or ovens -- until proper repairs are made to the two buildings he owns, the Cleveland Plain Dealer reported Tuesday. Naumann, who will only be allowed to leave the building between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. for work, will also be outfitted with an electronic monitoring device on his ankle to ensure he abides by the judge's command, the newspaper said. All rent money collected by Naumann must also be turned over to the city of Lakewood beginning June 1 so that residents and the gas company can petition for reimbursement.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Make Egg Sandwiches When Camping Put a little cooking oil on a canning ring and put it in your skillet, crack an egg inside the ring and cook until the egg has solidified. The round eggs will fit perfectly in small hamburger buns, bagels, or English muffins. The trick is to let your egg rings heat up a while, before you crack an egg into them. If you are roughing it in the bush, cans with top and bottom cut out, work fine too. If you put a cover onto the can, you'll get a poached (steamed) egg. To cut down on the mess from leaking sandwiches, it's a good idea to scramble the eggs in a bowl with salt, seasoning, bits of bacon, ham, sausage, whatever; and then ladle that mix into the egg rings. You will get clean, no-mess egg patties. They will freeze OK with a bit of wax paper between the patties, and are a great way to utilize discount "crackers". Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: "You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95. I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise." The guy behind the counter says "Sure. Do you have the $69.95 in cash?" "I sure do," says the Swede, plunking the money down on the counter. At that point, two big thugs leap out of a closet, whack the Swede over the head, drag his unconscious body out the back door, stuff him in a barrel and drop the barrel into a river that flows past. A few moments later, a Norwegian guy walks into the same dingy storefront travel agency, holds up the newspaper ad and says: "I vant to go on this $69.96 voonderful luxury cruise." The guy behind the counter says: "Sure, you got the fare in cash?" "Ya, you betcha," says the Norwegian, slapping the money on the counter. Again, the two big thugs leap out, pound him on the head, drag his limp form out the back door, shove him in a barrel and drop it in the river. After a while, the Swede and the Norwegian regain consciousness, and they find out that their barrels are bobbing along together. The Norwegian says: "Good Afternoon. Tell me, do you happen to know if they serve dinner on this cruise?" The Swede shakes his head and says: "No, I don't think so. They didn't last year." ============================================= SHADES OF SWEET CUJO My neighbour Doug, a rancher drove into my yard, laughing so hard he sailed into my rose bushes. He had arrived home to find a tired, frightened, man sitting in a pickup, with a flat tire. Doug's ranch dog was standing quietly, wagging his tail. The fellow rolled his window down a crack, "Mister, you better sit right there.That damn animal is going to rip you to shreds." He added, "I've been here three hours, that thing won't let me out. He's savage! Just look at those fangs he's showing." I knew the dog, and had to grin. He was a cross between a Newfoundland, Saint Bernard, Husky and Akita. He was massive, looking like a shaggy black bear. One eye was a dirty yellow, the other blue. When he stood up with his paws on a pickup, he had to bend his head down to see inside. He'd look at the man inside, lift his lip showing an enormous set of fangs.To amuse himself, he'd push with his paws, rocking the truck. Doug got out of his truck, snapped an order to the dog, "Cupcake, come here." "CUPCAKE?" the man yelled."That's a killer, he's done nothing but snarl." Doug tried to explain, that when his dog showed his teeth, it was a doggy smile. He was as tame as a kitten. He changed the man's tire, then watched as he roared off in a cloud of dust. "Didn't matter anyway," Doug hooted, "Cupcake did me a big favour. The guy was from the bank!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign. "Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?" yelled an irate man. She rolled down her window and said, "What makes you think these are all mine?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nature Photography
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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