Dear Webby: Spylocked 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  June 8, 2007

I am more afraid of an army of one hundred sheep led by
a lion than an army of one hundred lions led by a sheep.
--- Charles Maurice

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them
pick   themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened."
--- Winston Churchill


 Tom's barn burned down and his wife, Matilda Jane, called
 her insurance agent to file a claim...
 Matilda Jane told the insurance company, "We had that barn
 insured for fifty thousand and I want my money, right quick!"
 The agent replied, "Just a minute, there, Matilda Jane.
 Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the
 value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of
 comparable worth."
 There was a long pause before Matilda Jane replied, "Then I'd
 like to cancel the policy on my husband... Right quickly!"


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 A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend
 and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue
 in the Netherlands flag.
 "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said.
 "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our
 tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
 "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see
 stars, too."


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 409 virus seekers How dumb is dumb enough? May 23, 2007 - Helsinki, Finland - Reuters Computer specialist Didier Stevens put up a simple text advertisement on the Internet offering downloads of a computer virus for people who did not have any. Surprisingly, he found as many as 409 people clicking on the ad saying "Is your PC virus-free? Get it infected here!" during a 6-month advertising campaign on Google's Adword, said the IT security expert. "Some of them must have clicked on it by mistake. Some must have been curious or stupid," said Mikko Hypponen, head of research at data security firm F-Secure. There was no virus involved, it was an experiment aiming to show these kind of advertising systems can be used for malicious intent, Stevens said. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: ===========================================
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=========================================== An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (..repent and be baptized....) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture??'' replied the burglar, "She said she had an ax and two 38's!!!'' =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Robin Re: Spylocked Hello, Do you have any sure-fire method of getting rid of the “Spylocked” virus? Have you heard of it? Thanks, RJ No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/838 - Release Date: 6/7/2007 2:21 PM No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/838 - Release Date: 6/7/2007 2:21 PM Dear Robin McAfee Virus Scan will get rid of it easily. And unlike your AVG, it won't rudely piss onto the bottom of your emails and advertise that you are not properly protected. You will need a McAfee VirusScan from March or newer, or the automatically updated version. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 24, 2007 - Somerset County, New Jersey - Red Cross On "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work" Day, many kids get to tag along to their mom's or dad's office and spend the day sitting in a chair. Two New Jersey boys had a very different experience last month when they worked side-by-side with their mother providing relief to victims of the mid-April nor'easter that dumped nearly 10 inches of rain on the state and caused severe flooding along the Passaic and Rockaway Rivers. Christopher and Matthew Sutton got hands-on experience assisting their mom, Amy, who serves as executive director of the Greater Somerset County Chapter, headquartered in Somerville. The nor'easter, which generated the largest Red Cross disaster response since the hurricane season of 2005, hit Somerset County especially hard. American Red Cross disaster relief workers, along with chapter volunteers and staff, worked around the clock offering shelter, distributing meals and comfort kits, and providing damage assessment, casework and counseling to residents of the flood-stricken area. Christopher, 13, and Matthew, 10, pitched in by distributing supplies and clean-up kits and visiting shelters and service centers with their mother. "It feels good to know that I can help people and that my mom is doing a great thing for people who need it, people who lost everything," Christopher said. The boys' father has been running the house while Amy helps storm victims, and Christopher has learned to do some baking from his grandmother so he can give his mom a treat when she gets home. Both boys say they are very proud of the job their mom does. "She's the only mom at school who operates a shelter," said Matthew. "She's cool."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Car Insurance Discounts Your insurance company may have discounts for military personnel, low mileage drivers, students with good grades and many other criteria. Be sure to ask what discounts are available, they should ask you a list of questions and will provide you with the discounts that apply. Don't count on them to volunteer all discounts! Remember, insurance agents often work on comissions. If you have five or more family members and or employees, join the local Chamber of Commerce. As a member you can get group insurance plans that are in a totally different class and can be as much as 50% cheaper. Chamber membership fees vary. For example our chamber, Diamond Valley Chamber of Commerce, charges $75 a year, the one in the town north of us charges $250. Shop around! Once you are a member, attend the monthly meetings and get to know the members. You'll be surprised at how much money saving information is freely traded amongst the insiders. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, " and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me,"said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The accountant must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law." ============================================= SHADES OF SWEET CUJO VEGETABLE CALAMITY Snoopy was a black and white spotted Spaniel type dog I adopted. She and I formed a very powerful bond. I spent hours brushing her, murmuring what a smart dog she was. Until the morning I got up to find she had ripped every beet out of my garden. Beets that yearly, I won prizes for at our local country fair. I found beets everywhere. She had a small mountain of them piled up inside her dog house. I screamed loud enough to be heard in Texas. Snoopy headed for the barn on a dead run. She knew she had done a huge doggy wrong! I refused to speak to her for a solid week. Eventually, she crept back into my heart and arms. Later that winter, we were enjoying a meal at friends, Snoopy with us. My friend scrapped the leftovers into a bowl for my dog. Snoopy sniffed, pushed that bowl with her nose out of the kitchen, into the living room, then crept back, curled under my chair, unwilling to eat her dinner. I went to get the dish, and doubled over laughing. Mixed in with the scraps were beets! No way was she going to get herself in hot water twice. I hugged her, smiling, knowing my garden would be safe next year from a vegetable stealing dog. Smart dog indeed! Stormy O' =============================================
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======================================== Smith emailed his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he wrote, "my mother-in-law is doing some heavy house-cleaning tomorrow, and my wife wants me to go help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replied. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," Smith wrote back, "I knew I could count on you!" ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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