Dear Webby: Printable Calendars 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  June 12, 2007

"Great spirits have always encountered violent
opposition from mediocre minds."
--- Albert Einstein


Thanks to Kati for this story:
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was
an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day,
decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate
Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say
Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton
headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.
This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he
knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was
alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else
was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord
while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and
fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
"Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to brag to?"


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Thanks to Chuck for this report:
Your bonehead award for the guy, who got two speeding
tickets, reminded me of the time I was in Washington
(the State) eating breakfast at a little diner in the middle
of no-where.

In the next booth were 3 state police chatting and having

One of them told the story of the time they had set up a
speed trap way out in the middle of nowhere. Long stretches
between small towns.

This guy comes along, really screaming.  Gets a ticket.
Goes a little way, stomps on the pedal and the next officer
in the line stops him and gives him another ticket.

The guy ends up with 5 speeding tickets.  He was thinking
that its so remote, there can't be another cop for miles.
And especially after the 3/4 ticket he knows,
there can't be another.


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dwight Thomas, 19, of Amityville, NY Amok June 8, 2007 - Mineola, New York - AP A teenager who smashed his car through the front of a Long Island mall, careening 500 yards past screaming shoppers before blasting through an exit, was apparently angry with an ex-girlfriend who worked there, police said Friday. "It's a miracle that nobody was injured," said Sgt. Anthony Repalone, a spokesman for the Nassau County police. "You've got kids, women pushing strollers, elderly people walking around. ... It's amazing to me that nobody was injured." Dwight Thomas, 19, of Amityville, pleaded not guilty at his arraignment in First District Court in Hempstead on felony charges of criminal mischief, reckless endangerment and third-degree arson. He was ordered held on $750,000 bond or $350,000 cash bail. His attorney, Arthur Edwards, told District Court Judge Norman Janowitz that Thomas has a mental condition and is being treated with prescription drugs, but did not specify the condition. "We believe this matter should be resolved in a non-criminal setting," Edwards told reporters after the proceeding. He did not elaborate. Repalone said that shortly before 7 p.m. Thursday, Thomas drove through the main glass doors of the Westfield Sunrise Mall in Massapequa. He continued past a JCPenney, passed the mall's central court, knocked over a kiosk and then made two left turns before exiting near a McDonald's. ... 6238.shtml ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Dave for this story: A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him." Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. "Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around smart people." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tam Re: Calendar maker Dear Webby, thanks for the humor letter, lovin it everyday, I was wondering if you know of anyplace online that I can print calenders..monthy ones. thanks Tam Dear Tam I just use a spreadsheet to make calendars whenever I neend some, but you can go to and generate and print them rightoff their site. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 8, 2007 - Cambridge, Massachusetts, - AP How many power cords does it take for Massachusetts Institute of Technology researchers to make a light bulb glow? None. They've come up with a way to make a 60-watt bulb glow by sending energy wirelessly from a device across the room. The breakthrough was published in the online version of the journal Science. The scientists have dubbed their finding WiTricity. It's not a new concept, but scientists had dismissed wireless juice as inefficient because energy generated by charging devices radiates in all directions. But leave it to an MIT physics professor to make it work. Researchers used specially tuned waves that radiate less to send the energy. The key is to get the recharging device and the gadget that needs power on the same frequency, similar to how a radio picks up only one station at a time. -------------------------- Don't expect wireless power to replace copper in house wiring until long after electricity has become cheap enough to make electric cars economical. It will find use in special applications, like placing security cameras in awkward spots, where traditional wiring or changing batteries is difficult or impossible.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
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Thanks to Sandie for this story: At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such a long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife"? Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!" ============================================= WEIRD QUESTIONS Actual questions I have been asked by pet owners. Q. Why does my dog drink out of the toilet bowl? A. Because you left the lid up. Q. What should I do if I find a snake in my yard? A. Scream, run like hell, leave it alone, he'll leave. Q. How can I keep myself dry when I bath the dog? A. Strip. Q. Why does my fish food taste so bad. A. You actually tasted the stuff?. Q.The pet store said my rabbits were both girls. Now there are baby bunnies. What happened? A. Take a deep breath. Ready? One is a boy! Q. The vet said to give my cat three pills a day. My cat won't swallow them. Should I put the pills up his bottom? A. Poor cat. Phone me first, I want to watch! Stormy O' =============================================
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======================================== Thanks to Walter for this story: A flight attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced about 30 minutes outbound from LA, "I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners." When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat, will receive free drinks for the length of the flight." Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!" ========================================
Thanks to Dorothy for today's Bonus Links: These are high quality professional movies, just shrunk in size for easy downloading. Dorothy has been a subscriber for about 10 years. Some of you will remember Dorothy's petitions to save wolves and bears from arial hunting, petitions where she got 10 - 15 times MORE signatures than the entire anti-immigration bill movement got. I agree that the way Kennedy twisted Bush's immigration plan to the exact opposite, it needed to be shot down and buried under the compost, but it was embarrassing that the entire collection of signatures against it amounted to not even a tenth of what Dorothy collected to save a few dozen wolves in the middle of nowhere in Alaska. By the way, Dorothy also makes some great wildlife screensavers, that could be a perfect Fathers Day gift, that is actually used every day. Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby Been working on some new videos and here are 4 new ones to share in your Humor newsletter. Feel free to show them in whatever order and frequency you'd like. Bear Cub Wrestling Mom Bear Cub vs Flowers Bear Cub Tumbling Bear Cub vs Dirt Clod Thanks for all you do!!! Dorothy
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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