Dear Webby: Javascript 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  June 14, 2007

"Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does."
--- Josh Billings

Treat people as they are, and they will remain that way.
Treat them as they can be and you help them become what
they are capable of becoming.
--- Goethe


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A woman joined a health spa and on her first day, she
eagerly joined in on an exercise class.

However, when it ended, she went to the front desk and
requested cancellation of her membership.

When asked why, she replied, "Your floors are so low,
I cannot touch my toes!"


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Thanks to Unk Wes for this story:
A simple lesson illustrating the difference between the two
parties. Fred Thompson and Hillary were walking down the
street when they came to a homeless person.

The Republican, Fred Thompson, gave the homeless person
his business card and told him to come to his office for a job.
He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless

Hillary was very impressed, so when they came to another
homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to
the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare

She then reached into Thompson's pocket and got out $20.
She kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave the
homeless person $5.


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Suzanne Marie Butts, 38 of marshalltown, Iowa Expensive toilet paper! June 11, 2007 - Marshalltown, Iowa - AP Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison. "She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face." Workers had noticed the rolls disappearing from the Marshall County Courthouse much faster than usual, Walker said. Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, Walker said. Butts insisted it was the first time she'd pilfered toilet paper, but she declined to answer further questions on her attorney's advice. The fifth-degree theft charge, a misdemeanor, normally carries a sentence of less than a year in jail. But Butts could face more time if convicted under the state's habitual offender law because she has prior theft convictions. ... 81181.html ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Got Dinner! ===========================================
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=========================================== Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: Javascript Dear Webby, do i need javascript if i have sun java installed already? thanks, daniel Dear Daniel You don't install Javascript. Javascript is on web pages, using the SUN Java that you already have installed. You can allow or disallow the use of javascript in your browser's Internet Options. If you don't allow it, a lot of pages won't work right. Javascript has been around for a long time. I used to build shopping carts with it a dozen years ago. Even today, most banking and shopping pages won't work right if you don't allow scripting. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 13, 2007 - New London, Connecticut - AP A rare blue lobster has dodged the dinner plate and will live out its days at Connecticut's Mystic Aquarium. The 1.5-pound lobster turned up last weekend in a trap set by lobstermen Steve Hatch and Robert Green at the mouth of the Thames River in New London, Conn. Hatch said he'd heard about blue lobsters but this was the first one he's ever seen. Aquarium Curator Catherine Ellis said only one in 3 million lobsters are "true blue," meaning their color is the result of genetics and not the environment. But she said that once they're cooked, they'll turn red like any other lobster. The Day of New London newspaper reported that the men donated it to an aquarium, where it will live out its days in an elementary school classroom for children to learn about.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Install a Rain Barrel Install a rain barrel under one of your corner gutter spouts to collect water for you plants and garden. There are many websites that have directions and parts needed. You can harvest a half gallon of water per square foot of roof area during a 1-inch rainfall.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly! replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!" ============================================= OH PLEASE DO, COME IN FOR TEA! We had just moved into our ranch house. The ladies of the community came by to welcome me to the neighbourhood. I was nervous, but passed out tea and sugar cookies. The women sat in a circle, grilling me about what I knew about ranch life. I had to admit my experience was limited. I wanted so badly to fit in. When one of the women mentioned that her son was preening over his Allis Chalmers, I stupidly asked if Allis was new here as well? A woman who looked like a puffed up hen, said, "Allis Chalmers, is a make of tractor." This was not going well at all. I poured more tea, pausing to listen to thumping coming from my back porch. Suddenly the door swung open. In walked my husbands two year old appaloosa horse, Little Bit. Dead silence. I wanted to drop through the floor. Little Bit was known for escaping his corral. In my wildest dreams I never thought he would crash my tea party. Stepping into the kitchen, he reached out and daintily took a cookie from the plate. Then another. I was red with embarrassment. I had no idea how to get a horse out of my kitchen. Then one of the gals exclaimed, "Well, if that isn't the cutest thing ever. Did you train him to do that?" It broke the ice, I felt the beginning of acceptance. Despite that, my husband was told in carefully worded language, to keep that blasted horse out of my house, or he'd find the critter on the barbeque. He took me seriously. I heard him laughing like a loon all the way to the barn. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== A police officer, though scheduled for all night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: New Zealand
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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