Dear Webby: Stuck Hourglass 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  June 15, 2007
Wear some red today to show your support for the troops!
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I find television very educating.
Every time somebody turns on the set,
I go into the other room and read a book.
--- Groucho Marx

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Thanks to Jai for this story:
A farmer in Culpepper, VA went to the local branch of
Wachovia Bank to borrow money for a new bull.

The loan was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money,
came by a week later to see how the bull was doing.
The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and
wouldn't even look at a cow.  Banker Bill suggested that
he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull.

Next week Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped.

The farmer looked very pleased.  "The bull has serviced all
of my cows! He even broke through the fence, and bred all
my neighbor's cows!  He's been breeding just about
everything in sight.  He's like a machine!"

"Wow," said Banker Bill , "what did the vet do to that bull?"

"Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer.

"What kind of pills?" asked Banker Bill .

"I don't know, but they kind of taste like peppermint."

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Thanks to Cookie for this story:
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from
his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed
with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to mom and said,
"I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to
drive you crazy with water guns?"
Mom smiled and then replied..... "I remember!!"

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Huang Wenge and Xia Jianzhong Lack of supervision June 13, 2007 - China - Ananova Two Chinese officials have been jailed for allowing a blind man to build a bridge which collapsed during construction. The contractor altered blueprints without getting them checked by a professional, causing the crossing to fall apart, injuring 12 people, reports Xinhua news agency. Head of the local authority Huang Wenge and colleague Xia Jianzhong have been sentenced to 18 months and one year respectively for not stopping the project. The court ruling, said: "Huang Wenge and Xia Jianzhong, who were in charge of road management and supervision, did not ask the contractors to provide certificates guaranteeing their proficiency. "When they knew the bridge was being built by a blind contractor, they did not stop it. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2373076.html?menu= ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Get a buzz of THIS wasp! ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Dave for this story: "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says. "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?" "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize." And the golfer walks off. "What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life." A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American golfer is back. On the s ame hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him. "Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?" "My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right." "Oh, I'm fine now, thankye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?" "Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!" "I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?" The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK." "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun. "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?" Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week." "What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock "That's all? Only once or twice a week?" "Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Closfolly Re: Stuck Hourglass Dear Webby, I need someone to tell me what I need to do to correct a computer problem. When I point mouse arrow at a website, then click, sometimes it will click onto the little 'hourglass' from the arrow & won't click back to arrow again. So, here I sit, waiting for it to make up it's mind to continue down the yellow brick road & some times it does but most times it won't! The only way I can continue on is to re-boot. It's becoming a pain in the patoot! It even does it when I start typing in the chatroom & after a couple of minutes, it goes back to normal. I have noticed it does it more frequently whenever there is something else going on behind the scenes - like various updates, etc. Is there some thing or some place I can click to try to correct this? Help! Help! Help! Dear Closfolly That sounds like a routine AOL malfunction. Once you upgrade to the real Internet, that problem will go away. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 9, 2007 - Flagstaff, Arizona - AP A basset hound that disappeared from its California home in December has been found 430 miles away in Arizona. The dog, named Fred, was found by an employee Wednesday in the parking lot of the Second Chance Center for Animals in Flagstaff. The next morning, staff members with the shelter found a microchip in Fred that let them figure out he was registered at Riverside County Animal Control. The shelter contacted Fred's speechless owner on Friday. The owner said Fred disappeared after she moved to Riverside in December. She didn't know how he could have ended up in Flagstaff. Paul Fink, a veterinarian at the Flagstaff shelter and a pilot, has offered to fly the dog home to his family. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/06/ ... 7372.shtml
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Scare Away Birds With CDs CDs can be used to scare birds away from your garden or orchard. Just hang CDs from branches in your orchard or nail them to stakes in your garden and the reflective surface will frighten some types of birds. When AOL was still sending me free CDs, I used to make sun catchers with them. This is an older picture: Have FUN DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
John was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?" "It's my mother-in-law," John replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her." "Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law." "Yeah," John answered. "But not everybody gets theirs' pregnant." ============================================= GO GET HER KIP! Friends in the city invited me to a park to meet their dog Kip, that they had adopted from a shelter. One look and I could see trouble ahead. Kip was a Border Collie. He was briskly trying to herd some Canadian Geese strutting on the grass. 'Borders,' have been bred for generations to work at herding livestock. They are energetic, highly intelligent and if not working, will herd anything with a crazed intensity. Kip was sent to a doggy day care centre. The first thing he did was corral all the other dogs into a corner, keeping them there. Tired of that he learned to jump the fence, then would spend hours in the alley herding stray cats. Real trouble began when he discovered a bus that brought seniors to a centre to play bingo. Kip was in his element, herding those sweet old folks until they were all in the building. He'd lay outside the door panting, anxious for them to come out so he could herd them back onto the bus. The crunch came when he went to a nearby fire station. The firefighters complained that during a practice session, the blasted dog was intent on herding them back into the firehall. Kip's owners admitted defeat. He was taken to a farm His new owner was ecstatic with Kip. I asked if Kip was easing his work load with the livestock. "Oh sure, but that's not where my dog really shines," he said gleefully. "My mother in law has nagged me for 35 years. Now she just visits for a few minutes." He grinned wickedly, "She's still a nag, but when I've had enough I just tell Kip to round her up." He boasted, "Best dog I've ever had! You should see the old girl flying out to her car, my dog right on her heels. I should have bought myself a Border Collie the day I got married." He laughed, "Kip is my four footed equalizer!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk blurted to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nice old cars
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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