Dear Webby: Alternating High Speed accounts 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  June 18, 2007

The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
--- Joe Ancis

With or without religion, you would have good people doing
good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good
people to do evil things, that takes religion.
--- Steven Weinberg


One day, Jed left his country home to visit the big city of
Chicago. As he sat at a bar, a Chinese man came up to
him and asked "Do you like riddles?"
Jed replied, "Boy, I sure do!"

So the Chinese man asked, "My mother and father had a baby,
it wasn't my brother and it wasn't my sister, who was it?"

Jed sat there and scratched his head and for the life of him,
couldn't figure it out. So he says, "I give up, who was it?".

The Chinese man replied, "It was me you dummy!"

Jed couldn't wait until he returned back home to try this riddle
out on his friends.

One evening, Jed, Kirsty and Lyn were sitting down having some
moonshine, when Jed said, "Hey guys, I've got a riddle for you.
My mother and father had a baby, it wasn't my brother and it
wasn't my sister, who was it?"

Lyn blurted out, "It was you, dummy!"
Jed replies: "No you idiot, it was some Chinese guy in Chicago!"


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My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from
each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he
told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my
grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never
lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it

With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder.
It's my dad's."


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darin Award goes to Mandy Deschambeault of Hawkesbury, Ontario, Canada Swift punishment May16, 2007 - Hawkesbury, Ontario, Canada - Reuters A Canadian hitchhiker, who stole an elderly man's car after he offered her a ride, died a few minutes later when she lost control of the vehicle and crashed into trees, police said. The crash happened near the town of Hawkesbury -- about 100 km (60 miles) northeast of Ottawa -- after the man stopped to pick up 20-year-old Mandy Deschambeault. "The male driver proceeded to step out of his vehicle momentarily at which point the female jumped in the driver seat, stealing the male person's car," local police said in a statement Monday. "She proceeded to lose control of the ... car, crossing the other lane hitting trees. The female was ejected from the vehicle and found to be without vital signs." Deschambeault was pronounced dead in hospital. ===========================================
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=========================================== Hello Dear Webby, The poppies are in my front yard and are almost all done blooming now. They were beautiful this year weren't they? Well worth the effort of planting and nurturing them for a couple three years until they put on this display for us this year. Thank you for sharing them with all your readers. I think that many will also have enjoyed seeing them. JoAnn in Auburn Wash ===========================================
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=========================================== A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patti Re: Alternating Highspeed accounts Dear Webby, My computer is for fun and a bit of research and after 5 years I've decided it's time to get off dial up. My problem: 6 months in Michigan, 6 months in Arizona. I've looked and looked at high speed providers and can't find one that will work between the two areas and also while I'm on the road. My present provider, Corecomm, works in all three areas but wow, it's getting slower and slower. You have to realize this "olde" gal is slowly coming into the next century, but good grief, there is so much technology to learn and small town living doesn't offer much help Can you offer any advice?? Having a lot of fun, Patti Dear Patti While on the road, you'll just have to go to hotels and motels that have high speed. As a rule of thumb, 3-star have wired Internet or free local dial-out, 4 star and up have wireless high speed Internet. Regarding the migration, call Earthlink and ask them if they have a Snowbird Special. 1-800-327-8454 Get the phone numbers for both locations ready before you call. They do have a fairly straightforward method for relocating, but best is if you talk to them. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 15, 2007 - Utica, New York - Gimundp On May 29, Madison Yesford’s 2-year-old brother, Matthew, was chasing a cat when it ran across the street near their Utica, N.Y., home. Madison, knowing her brother needed to stay out of the street, ran after him. Madison pushed her brother out of the way as a truck was approaching. The driver braked but hit Madison. The children’s mother, Jennifer Clive, called it her “worst nightmare.” “I ran after both of them, and before I got to them, there was screeching tires, and I knew something horrible had happened,” she said. Madison suffered a broken collarbone, a concussion and numerous scrapes – minor compared to what might have been. Her brother was uninjured. “I was going to get my brother out of the road, and the next thing I know, I woke up in an ambulance,” she said. Last week, New York State Sen. Joe Griffo gave Madison the State Liberty Medal, given in recognition of acts of heroism.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Gas Saving Driving Techniques Use the correct speed for the gear you are in. Try to drive the speed limit and accelerate slowly when leaving the stop light. The fastest person through the intersection just gets to spend more on gas. There is no need to rev your engine before you turn your vehicle off, it just wastes gas. Here is a trick I learned in the arctic: Use synthetic WINTER oil all year round. It can easily handle summer temperatures, since the engine has a thermostat anyway. In winter put a rug in front of the radiator and over the engine, so that it reaches proper operating temperature. Even the best engine is a gas guzzler during warm-up, since it is programmed to burn extra fuel to heat up the engine to ideal temp. Without a rug it may never reach ideal temp until March! Change oil and air filters frequently, and vacuum out the duct from the front to the air filter intake. Any leaves or twigs in that duct cost you dearly in gas money, but no mechanic will ever tell you about that. They rather sell you expensive add-ons or better filters, that don't make much difference. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms. An elderly woman hesitatnly entered my cubicle. She had completed her admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards. I typed the neccessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital. "Just to visit a friend," she said, "but this had taken so long, I'm not sure I have time now." ============================================= FOR THE MALES Senior dogs have a sweet mellowness. His daily habits change, preferring a quieter life. There are humorous ways your maturing dog will show he has left behind his boisterous youth. He'll only sniff at the cat pan instead of munching the goodies inside. Barking at the cat from his bed is easier than getting up to chase her. At times he will slip into such a deep snooze, the cat will snuggle beside him. When he wakes to find her there, he'll pretend she doesn't exist. He'll ask you to lift him onto the couch and cover him with a blanket. He'll lick your hand, eyes drooping. You'll tiptoe not to wake him. Walks outside are now for stepping out the door, finding a nice patch of sunny lawn to flop onto for a long doggie nap. You'll give him a rawhide bone to chew, then laugh like crazy when you find he has gone to sleep, with the thing hanging out of his mouth like a huge cigar. He greets rambunctious pups with dignity. A simple lift of his lip will communicate to them to behave. If that won't work, he may growl deep in his chest. If the silly pups insist on using him for a ladder, he will leave looking disgusted at today's rude youth. Some things never change. When a female canine comes into his sight, he goes on full alert. Standing proudly, he displays the virility of his youth. When she leaves, he'll slowly fold up into a pile on the floor, glancing at you with the time honoured look between males, "Hey, may not be able to touch, but a dog's gotta look!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== A man goes to a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatrist suggests they start with a Rorschach test. He holds up the first picture and asks the man what he sees. "A man and a woman making love in a park," the man replies. The psychiatrist holds up the second picture and asks the man what he sees. "A man and a woman making love in a boat." He holds up the third picture. "A man and a woman making love at the beach." This goes on for the rest of the set of pictures; the man says he sees a man and a woman making love in every one of the pictures. At the end of the test, the psychiatrist looks over his notes and says, "It looks like you have a preoccupation with sex." And the man replies, "Well, you're the one with the dirty pictures." ========================================
Thanks to Kati for today's Bonus Link: E-nature Field Guides
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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