Dear Webby: Vista SP1 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  June 21, 2007
Happy Summer Solstice
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Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.
--- Samuel Johnson

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
— Winston Churchill:

=======================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A SOUTHERNER vacationing in Maine stopped at a small convenience
store to buy some souvenirs. As he stood in line to pay for his
purchases, the southerner was amused by the accent of some
local lobster fishermen, who were in the store discussing the
day’s catch.

Stepping up to the cash register, the tourist commented to
the clerk, “Some people around here sure talk with funny
accents.”
“Aye-yuh,” the clerk replied, “but thay’ll all be gone by
Labor Day.”

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Thanks to Deeli for this classic:
GOD:

Frank , you know all about gardens and nature.  What in the
world is going on down there on the planet?  What happened
to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago?
I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants
grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with
abandon.  The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds.  I expected
to see a vast garden of colours by now.  But, all I see are
these green rectangles.

Saint FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord.  The Suburbanites.
They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great
lengths to kill them and replace them with  grass.

GOD:
Grass?  But, it's so boring.  It's not colourful.  It doesn't
attract butterflies, birds and bees;  only grubs and sod
worms.  It's sensitive to temperatures.  Do these Suburbanites
really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS :
Apparently so, Lord.  They go to great pains to grow it and
keep it green.  They begin each spring by fertilizing grass
and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass
grow really fast.  That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST.   FRANCIS :
Apparently not, Lord.  As soon as it grows a little, they cut it
--sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
They cut it?  Do they then bail it like hay?

ST.   FRANCIS :
Not exactly, Lord.  Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
They bag it?  Why?  Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS :
No, Sir, just the opposite.  They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
Now, let me get this straight.  They fertilize grass so it will
grow.  And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to
throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS :
Yes, Sir.

GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when
we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat.  That surely
slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord.  When the grass stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money
to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
What nonsense.  At least they kept some of the trees.  That
was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.  The trees
grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the
summer.  In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a
natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the
trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord.  The Suburbanites have drawn a
new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into
great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:
No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in
the  winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something
which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around
in place of the leaves.

GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:
Enough!   I don't want to think about this anymore.
St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts.  What movie have
you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:
"Dumb and Dumber", Lord.  It's a story about....

GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 43 year old German man in Forst, Germany Jumping does not count! June 1, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters A 43-year-old German man was taken to hospital in critical condition after he fell off a second storey balcony during a spitting contest with his 12-year-old son, police said Friday. A spokesman for the police in the eastern town of Cottbus said the man in Forst had apparently lost his balance after thrusting too far forward in his attempt to outspit his son. He tumbled over the ledge and landed on a balcony of the ground floor apartment, police said. He was taken to hospital in a rescue helicopter. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0706 ... pitting_dc ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her Queen Of Tears: =========================================== Thanks to Bill for this story: An American walks into a Pub and orders a Coors Lite. The Alemaster says: "Faith lad, we don't serve American beer here" American: Give me the closest thing you got. The Alemaster draws him a glass o' water! =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Irene Re: Vista SP1 Dear Webby, Will there be a Vista SP1 update, and will it make Vista compatible with our printers, scanners, cameras, etc? Irene Dear Irene Yesterday Microsoft started secretly fishing for brave souls to beta test Vista SP1, and their legal department told a private site, that had over 100 fixes and patches for Vista, to take them down. Seems that once they decided to make an SP1 mega-fix, he would be considered as stealing their thunder. One secret source at Microsoft said that they "HOPE" to have Vista SP1 out in late 2007. That translates to March or April 2008. Incidentally, spring 2008 is also the quite firmly planned shipping date for XP-SP3. Re your second question, will it work with your hardware? No. Printer, scanner, camera etc makers can't be bothered to write new drivers for equipment that has already been sold and paid for. A lot of the new hardware will theoretically work with Vista, but to continue using existing hardware you better stick with XP or Linux or SUN-OS or Mac. In summary, stick with XP and don't make me say: "I told you so." Just like with Outlook Express, I will not answer Vista related questions. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 2, 2007 - Bronx, New York - AP A 12-year-old boy just getting into the shower heard a crash and his grandmother scream, so he jumped naked out of a second-floor window and called 911, helping police foil an armed robbery, police said. "I knew I had to get out, get help," Edwin Alamo told the New York Daily News in Saturday's edition. His brother, Jose Rodriguez, 21, jumped out of another window in the Bronx home Friday and ran to a nearby restaurant for help. Police responding to the call, shot and wounded two armed suspects after they pointed their guns at the officers and refused to drop them, said NYPD Deputy Commissioner Paul Browne. Both of the shot suspects were in stable condition at a hospital, according to police. None of the officers or the occupants of the home was injured, police said. A third suspect surrendered. http://www.tri-cityherald.com/24hour/we ... 5490c.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com A Mail Box for Garden Tools A handy place to store pruning shears and small garden tools is in an old mail box. Place the mail box on a post in a convenient spot in your yard and place the small tools that you use regularly in it. Paint the mail box and it can be quite attractive.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Ann D for this story Husband: Oh, come on. Wife: Leave me alone! Husband: It won't take long. Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards. Husband: I can't sleep without it. Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night? Husband: Because I'm Hot. Wife: You get hot at the darndest times. Husband: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you. Wife: If you love me you'd be more considerate. Husband: You don't love me anymore. Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight. Husband: Please... Come on Wife: All right, I'll do it. Husband: What's the matter? Need a flashlight? Wife: I can't find it. Husband: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it! Wife: There! Are you satisfied? Husband: Oh, yes. Wife: Is it up far enough? Husband: Oh, that's good. Wife: Now go to sleep, and from now on when you want the window open, do it yourself. ============================================= BILLY'S COMING OF AGE Dogs can get into such predictions at times, its a wonder they survive mentally or emotionally. I was hanging laundry outside. I reached down to pick up the last white sheet. That's when the action started. Billy was a small, very shy, mixed breed dog I was dog-sitting. He playfully snapped at the sheet, fell into the laundry basket, which flipped upside down over him. The sheet gently floated over both dog and basket. As any sensible dog would do, he tried to get out. However his dog tags were caught inside the basket. Before I could reach down to help the little guy, he bolted in a total panic. As fast he ran, the thing covering him plus the billowing sheet went along for the ride. He ran like the wind. Under the fence, into the pasture, heading straight for the donkeys and horses. Now I was frightened. Donkeys have a lethal kick. Billy continued racing around. The horses, intelligent creatures, lit out for the bush. The donkeys stayed to fight. As hard as they tried, they couldn't catch Billy. In frustration, they began to kick each other, braying lustily. I finally caught up to Billy, who was barking in a wild frenzy. Donkeys usually hate dogs or coyotes. They were in an uproar over this strange one who had hurtled into their midst. It was a long walk back. The dog wanting to hang a licking on the donks, while the donkeys did their best to convince me, that damn dog was really a weird coyote who needed to be stomped on. Later Billy's owner called laughing, "When we got home Billy shredded my son's stuffed donkey. Whatever happened to him on your place was great. He's always been a timid dog now he's a little terror." She chucked, " We love him like this!" Stormy O' =============================================
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======================================== As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Solstice
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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