Dear Webby: Erratic monitor 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  June 26, 2007

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the
right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing.
--- Theodore Roosevelt


A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist
season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed
on a previous trip to the city.

Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said,
"You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."

"You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried waiter.
"I can only serve one table at a time."


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Thanks to Harry for this story:
When I picked up my wife from work one afternoon, she seemed
irritated. She confessed that the day hadn't gone well, and
on top of everything else, a young customer had addressed her
as "ma'am."

"I'm not that old," she insisted. "I deserve more respect!"
She vented the whole way home while hitting the scan button
on the radio.

Finally I asked, "What are you looking for?"

She replied, "The oldies station."


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jane Balogh of Washington state Outvoted June 22, 2007 - Seattle Washington - AP Duncan M. MacDonald can't vote, which could be a relief to politicians. That's because Duncan is a dog - an Australian shepherd-terrier to be exact. His owner, Jane Balogh of Washington state, is in trouble for submitting voided ballots in his name in three elections. One tipoff for authorities: One of the envelopes was signed with a picture of a paw print. Balogh said she was protesting a 2005 state law that she says makes it too easy for non-citizens to vote. She put her phone bill in Duncan's name, then used the phone bill as identification to register him as a voter. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Angela for sending this picture: =========================================== The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Beverly Re: Erratic monitor Dear Webby, Your hunor letter and my first cup of coffee make my morning. I have an older computer and I'm on a fixed income and can't afford a new one. What's happening is that everything is spread out beyond the sides of the screen. Sometimes it jumps back to normal. Is there anything that can be done? Thank you, Bev. Compaq with windows ME. Dear Beverly That sounds like a monitor that needs what we techs call "Percussive Maintenance". You whack the monitor a good slap with your hand. Then it will usually behave for a while. However, it's definitely destined for a one way trip to the recycling depot. 1) Turn the couch upside down and shake out the lost coins to start your monitor replacement fund. 2) Do a spring cleaning and sell a bunch of stuff on ebay. 3) Select a monitor that fits your desk and budget. A good source is Have FUN! DearWebby Reply from Beverly: WOW That worked, I'll start saving my pennys. Thank you. Bev ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 18, 2007 - Beijing, China - AP Eighty-four Siberian tigers, among the world's rarest animals, have been born since March at a northeastern China breeding center, an official said Sunday. Liu Dan, an official with the Hengdaohezi Feline Breeding Center in the suburbs of Harbin, capital of Heilongjiang province, was quoted by Xinhua News Agency as saying the cubs were doing well. He said 13 more pregnant Siberian tigers were expected to give birth to a total of 20 to 30 cubs by October. Fewer than 400 Siberian tigers, also known as Amur, Manchurian or Ussuri tiger, are believed to survive in the wild, about 20 of them in China and the rest in Russia. They are the largest tiger species, weighing up to 600 pounds. ... center.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Putting Out Oven Fires Keep salt or baking soda close at hand to throw on oven fires in the bottom of your oven. Once the oven has cooled, it will aid in cleaning up the spill that caused the fire. The same applies for stove-top and barbecue. You can also use sand, dirt from a potted plant, ANYTHING EXCEPT WATER! Never use water on a grease fire. Water will turn the oil or grease into a napalm like substance and spaltter it all over. It turns one little fire into many big ones instantly. Most people have an open box of baking soda in the fridge and cupboard to absorb odors. Know where yours is, in case you have to quickly grab it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
Two highway patrolmen stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one cop turned to the other and said, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replied, "I don't know." So the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, the ticket will get dismissed." The second cop said, "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?" ============================================= FAMILY BOWS TO "TALENT" Ben, a Labrador Retriever mix was settling into his senior years with grace. His puppy days of mischief were long gone. He did retain one habit that drove his owners nuts. He loved to play the piano, and sing. It was an old beat up piano, out of tune, lacking a door to cover the keys, but Ben fell in love with it the second he heard the first few notes. For some reason, it was never taken out of the living room. When he got the urge to play, Ben would sit on his haunches, place both paws on the keyboard, smacking different keys. Then he'd sing. He'd hold his head back, pouring out a deafening, high pitched, mournful, siren wail that has ever been heard coming from a dog. He knew that he only had a few moments before his owners would run into the room to stop the assault on tender human ears. One day, just after getting a scolding for his vocal talent, the owner heard the piano. She rushed in, Ben was in a far corner. Very strange. Leaving the room, she turned back just in time to see Ben gently lift their new kitten onto the keys, nudge her to walk, he'd listen, point his nose in the air, to allow his form of anguished vocal styling to drift throughout the home. The family gave up, took to wearing ear plugs. Ben spent his last years, happily sharing his talent. What musician canine or human could possibly ask for more! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." "Too late!", he replied, "We are getting married next month!" ========================================
Thanks to Cookie for today's Bonus Link: Need a truck!
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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