Dear Webby: Humor: Find IP address 

Good Morning !
Sunday,  July 1, 2007

Happy Canada Day!
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Times have not become more violent.
They have just become more televised.
--- Marilyn Manson

An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
--- Robert A. Humphrey

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Two Rednecks rob a Brink's Armored truck
and all they get away with are two sacks, so
they keep one each. After awhile they meet
again and one asks the other, "What did you
find in your sack?"


"Half a million bucks."


"Aw... that's a lot! What did you do with all
that cash?"


"I bought a house and a boat. How about
your sack?"


"Bah... mine was full o' bills"


"And what did you do with them?"


"Eh well . . . little by little, I'm paying them off . . ."


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Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!


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A boy and his dad were playing with toy cars.  The father had the
police car and pretended to pull over the car that the boy was
playing with. "Do you have a drivers license?" he asked the boy.


"No," the boy answered seriously.


"Are you resisting arrest?" asked the father.


The boy hesitated, then said, "No, I'm not sleepy yet."


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Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chicago Airport Security What Security? CBS) CHICAGO “Fly At Your Own Risk” is a CBS 2 continuing undercover investigation at O’Hare Airport, and it just got even more alarming. Officials at O'Hare International Airport are refusing to interview with CBS 2 about our latest findings. The 2 Investigators have found more security breaches and a failure by authorities to investigate. O'Hare is one of the busiest airports in the nation, and may be one of the most vulnerable. The 2 Investigators have learned that 47 more employee access badges are missing, bringing the total we've discovered to 3,807 ­ the biggest security failure involving access badges ever to be exposed. "Doesn't surprise me,” said Marcia Pinkston. “I am surprised you didn't find more." Airport employees are allowed to go through a back gate. All they have to do is show their access badge. They are not searched. "It's really scary just thinking that anyone can go into secure areas of O’Hare,” Pinkston said. http://cbs2chicago.com/homepage/local_s ... 24625.html ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture of her Cataylaya Orchid. =========================================== On her way back from the concession stand, Sally asked a man at the end of the row, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot before?" Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did." The woman nodded. "Oh good. Then this is my row." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Find my IP number Dear Webby I am on dial-up and my IP number is dynamically assigned. How do I find out what my current IP number is? Thanks Alex Dear Alex browse to http://whatismyip.com/ That site will show you your current IP number. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Pub becomes embassy to beat cig ban Landlord Bob Beech is getting round next week's ciggie ban by turning his bar into an embassy for a remote Caribbean island. He claims the Wellington Arms in Southampton will be the only pub in Britain to allow smoking after Sunday - by becoming the UK base for tiny, uninhabited Redonda. Earlier this month a senior "attache" to its ruler named it as the UK consulate for the island, which is 35 miles off Antigua. As an embassy, it would be classed as "foreign soil", allowing smokers a haven - as well as VAT-free cheap drinks, reports The Sun. The attache who granted consulate status is Redonda's official cardinal Edward Elder - a regular at the pub. Cardinal Elder, 72, said: "We'll be declaring our credentials to the Queen and will see what happens." Redonda's ruler is King Robert the Bald, 60, who lives on Antigua. The Canadian-born novelist, who recently granted a knighthood to landlord Bob, regularly sails his yacht to survey his one-mile square kingdom. Bob said of beating the fags ban: "I have a legal team looking into the legalities at the moment but I am confident." The Department of Health admitted: "The smoke-free law will not be enforceable against premises that have diplomatic status." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2391027.html?menu
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Guacamole When storing guacamole, keep it from turning brown by placing plastic wrap directly on top of the guacamole. Smooth the plastic wrap so there are no air bubbles.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day, Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. "Your honor," he said, "I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why?" asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?" "Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole..." ============================================= GOTTA FIND MY MOM Rusty was a terrier type dog adopted from a dog pound. He had been seriously abused. When his new owner, Bonnie took him into her home, he bonded to her immediately. When she went anywhere, he had to follow. At times this presented a huge problem. She went into a grocery store, leaving Rusty with her husband in the car. The second she was out of sight, the dog jumped out the window to follow his new mom. Into the store he went. Whoops, didn't mean to knock over the display of cereal boxes. Up and down each isle he searched. He found the dog goodies, helped himself to a nice pigs ear, bit into a bag of dog kibble. Wow, that stuff runs out fast! He could smell meat. It was easy for him to jump right in there with the steaks. May as well leave the pigs ear, and take one of those. He spotted kids. They always had good things to lick from their faces. Don't know why that human got so upset. I just wanted to play with her purse. What fun, a new game, someone is chasing him with a broom. Better find my new mom. He spotted her, ran up, lifted his leg and peed on her cart, causing a flood of urine to meander down the isle. Bonnie was horrified. She said the only thing she could think of. Taking the easy way out she turned to the crowd, asking innocently, "Is this your dog?" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: July 1, Canada Day
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, Text-Start, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby



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