Dear Webby: Memory for Vista 

Good Morning !
Monday,  July 2, 2007
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"Obstacles cannot crush me,
every obstacle yields to stern resolve.
He, who is fixed to a star does not change his mind."
--- Leonardo da Vinci

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A man goes to the eye doctor.
The receptionist asks him why he is there.

The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front
of my eyes."

The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen an
Optometrist?"
The man replies, "No, just spots."

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 George, a career Army officer I once met, was jumpmaster for
 his unit and was taking up a few novices for a drop. The flight
 was pretty rough, and, after a while, George called off the
 jump because of high winds. As the plane headed back to base,
 and the pilot pulled off an unusually smooth landing, two of
 the neophytes got airsick.

 "How come you could take that rough flight, but you couldn't
 handle the smooth landing?" asked George.

 "Well, Sir," one trainee explained, "we've always jumped out
 of planes. We've never actually landed before."

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Social Security in Pennsylvania Undead Thanks to Great Granny Vi for this report June 28, 2007 - Lancaster County, Pennsylvania - Lancaster News Era For a guy who's been dead exactly four months and four days, Jim Johnson looks pretty darn good. The 63-year-old retired junior high science teacher lives with his wife (or "the grieving widow" as he sometimes calls her) and their cocker spaniel in a picture-pretty city row house. He's fit and smiling as he answers the door. But, truth to tell, all this death stuff is getting kind of wearing. Social Security declared Johnson dead back in February. Actually, he thinks it was a funeral director in Georgia, where he has no connection, who made the initial declaration. Sound confusing? You bet. So is the rest of the mess that's rained down on Johnson in the past few months. Johnson's bank debit card has been canceled twice. His name has been taken off a credit card account. An IRA account was alerted to not send him a monthly payment. A credit card he used while on a recent vacation had problems. And, since March, his Social Security checks either have been returned or not been deposited by his bank. Johnson has filled more than six pages with his neat handwriting, documenting each of the calls (30) and all of the visits (four) he's made to the local Social Security office and his bank, trying to get this mix-up sorted out. But notifying Social Security he was alive did not solve Johnson's problems. Johnson has ended up calling everyone he does financial business with, to notify them he is not dead, to prevent additional problems. In the meantime, Social Security has offered to send him a paper check, which he said he will take. But as of early today, he had not received, either in the mail or at his bank, the June check, which is now eight days late. http://local.lancasteronline.com/4/206196 ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this animation of "Stinky". Stinky uses a rather smelly gas to inflate and eventually blow up the bud to reveal it's beautiful flower. =========================================== What is the one thing that all women at singles bars have in common? An untanned ring line on their ring finger. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Linda Re: Memory for Vista Dear Webby My know-it-all hubby refused to listen to you and got a Vista machine. As you predicted, nothing works with it and we will have to get a new printer and scanner and fax. And it's slower than the 6 year old machine was. Now he claims it needs more memory! It has 2 GB of memory in it. The old machine had 512 MB, and even though it was getting slow, probably because of the hundreds of utilities and speeder-uppers he installed, it was fast enough for me. Will adding more memory do any good for that vista machine? Linda Dear Linda More memory won't help, but doubling from 2 GB to 4 would be quite expensive. If he wants speed, tell him to format it and put XP-SP2 on it. Maybe by the time Vista SP2 comes out, it will work acceptably, but it still has a long way to go before anybody, who is not trying to get rid of a Vista machine, or is a paid shill at a magazine with expensive Vista ads, will recommend it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 12, 2007 - Camden, New Jersey - AP Ozzy has been spared the death penalty, with a sentence of life behind bars without chance of parole. But instead of solitary confinement, the 7-year-old German shepherd could be allowed to hold a sort of jail trusty's job. Ozzy attacked a neighbor's child in April and was sent to an animal shelter. A municipal judge ordered that the dog be put down. However, Ozzy's owner, Kelly Allard of Somerdale, arranged an option: Ozzy could have life behind bars, assigned to patrol the perimeter at the privately run George W. Hill Correctional Facility near Media, Pa. He won't be allowed any contact with the public or inmates. Superior Court Judge John T. McNeill III agreed to the plan Monday, calling it "the right alternative." "He'll be in there until he dies," McNeill said. "Ozzy will not be adopted by a family. He will never be released to the public." http://www.kirotv.com/news/13488634/detail.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Dirt Under Your Finger Nails Here's an old trick for people who don't like to use gloves when they garden. Rub your finger nails over a bar of soap. Your nails will fill up with the soap and prevent dirt from building up. When you clean up, scrub your nails with a nail brush to easily remove the soap.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Morris staggered into the house at two o'clock in the morning. As he entered his bedroom, he found another man in bed with his wife. His wife pushed the man off her and demanded to know where Morris had been until two o'clock in he morning. Morris looked at his wife's lover and demanded, "Who in the heck is this guy, and what is he doing in bed with you?" The wife responded, "Don't you dare go changing the subject on me! Where in the heck have you been so late?" ============================================= IF THEY COULD ONLY TALK It is amazing how we talk to our dogs. I often wonder if dogs could answer, what they would say to us... Q To the dog, "Is that your poop on the floor?" A Dog, "No, it's like, duh, Santa Clause." Q "Who chewed up those couch cushions?" A "Um, the tooth fairy?" Q "Why do you always bark when I leave?" A " Cause then you give me soooo much attention, and I crave, I need attention." Q. "Why don't you ever come when I call you?" A "Why should I, you'll come to carry me home." Q." You've been in the garbage again, why do you do that?" A "I like it. Nice dirty, slimy, rotten stuff. Come here mom and I'll give you a nice slobbery kiss.' Q. "It's only a trip to the vets, why are you shaking so hard?" A "You'd shake too if someone stuck something up your bottom, then told you to relax!" Q "Do you have any idea of how much I love and need you?" A. "Aw, now I'm gonna have to cry. I wuff you too!!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Sand Dunes
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby



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