Dear Webby: What to do about spoofs? 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  July 4, 2007
Happy Independence Day!
======================================

The secret of success is to be ready when your opportunity comes.
--- Benjamin Disraeli

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
however measured or far away."
--- Henry David Thoreau

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A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he
arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had
forgotten his false teeth.  Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I
forgot my teeth."


The man said, "No problem."


With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false
teeth.  "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them.  "Too loose," he said.

The man then said, "I have another pair... try these."

The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of
false teeth... try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."

With that he ate his meal and gave his address.  After the dinner meeting
was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.

"I want to thank you for coming to my aid.  Where is your office?  I've
been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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Amy and Jamie are Old Friends.
They have both been married to their husbands for a long time.
Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her
attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more
beautiful every day." replies Jamie.

"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Duane L. Williams, of Penn Hills, PA Rude or insane? June 29, 2007 - Penn Hills, Pennsylvania -AP A man who thought the clerk at a fast-food drive-through was rude for not saying "please" and "thank you" punched her in the face, police said. Duane L. Williams, angered by what he felt was the clerk's rudeness, walked into the store to complain just before 8 p.m. Wednesday, Penn Hills police Chief Howard Burton said Friday. Before the manager could meet with Williams, he walked back outside, pushed open the drive-through window and punched the 19-year-old woman in the face. The clerk was bruised, but not badly hurt, Burton said. "He didn't like the girl's attitude because she didn't say 'please' and 'thank you,'" Burton said. Police filed charges of simple assault, disorderly conduct and harassment Thursday, which were mailed to Williams with a summons to appear in court, Burton said. http://apnews.excite.com/article/200706 ... RL900.html ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture of Troy Landwehr and the chese carving he was commissioned to create by Cheez-It =========================================== SCIENCE: BREAD IS DANGEROUS 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread- consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days. 6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese. 7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person. 8. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes. 10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless AlGorian statistical babbling. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elizabeth Re: What to do about spoofs Dear Webby There is a real epidemic of spoofs coming into my mail box. I know they are just caused by a virus, or rather by people who are too stupid to protect their machines from viruses, and I don't blame ebay or PayPal or Mypostcards or Hallmark or Citibank for being spoofed about, but isn't there something that can be done about it? We can put people into space and eavesdrop on terrorists, you'd think these scammers could be nailed with today's technology! I know the government is useless and the politicians are busy trying to guarantee themselves a warm place to shit and have other prioities than the tax payers, but can't the IT industry come up with a solution? Yeah, I know, look at Vista! Some solution! In the meantime, what do YOU suggest for dealing with this unholy crap? Elizabeth Dear Elizabeth You can post your spoofs to http://spamcop.net. They will analyze them, show you are detailed report, and give you the opportunity to complain to the ISP of the spoofer with a single click. The spamcops will protect your identity and vouch that your complaint is valid. Yes, I know that the government COULD use the spamcops to identify the scammers, but as you said, they have other priorities, and most likely some bleeding heart judges would make identifying scammers just as illegal as eavesdropping on terrorists. As mentioned before, I use Mailwasher. It recognizes those spoofs and marks them as KNOWN and to be deleted. When you hit F6 to process, it dumps them without ever downloading more than the header. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 7, 2007 - San Diego, California - Gimundo/CNN San Diego resident Robert Wilkie Jr. and his wife, La Dona, enjoy visiting Casino Pauma in nearby Valley Center a couple of times a month. Robert always plays the penny slots. This week, after he had deposited about $245 worth of pennies, the “Star Wars” machine locked up and instructed him to “See attendant.” There were no flashing lights, no sirens. It took five hours for casino technicians to verify that Wilkie had won the $3.2 million progressive jackpot. It was the biggest ever for penny slots in California. Wilkie, a 76-year-old great grandfather and Navy veteran, said he plans to pay off the house and help out his 84-year-old sister. He also said his gambling days are not over. “We'll be coming back to Pauma quite a bit to try to give them back the money that we took from them,” he said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Unusual Wrapping Ideas Use linens or towels to wrap gifts and the wrapping will be a nice gift too. You also can use something as simple as a car washing chamois.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help" "Sure it does, " he says, "it's the only way I can see the numbers." ============================================= THAT IS MY BABY! We've all seen mama dogs or cats adopt a different species to nurse, or raise. What happens when a kitty and a dog in the same house decide they want the same baby? It gets really weird when the "baby" is a velvet cushion. Darby the dog, had raised her litter of two pups. Molly a pretty tabby, seemed relieved when her kittens left the nest. It began when Molly adopted the velvet cushion, fussing over it like it was a kitten. Darby, dragged the thing away to her box. She mothered it. The cat was royally ticked off. That cushion was a member of "her" family, she wanted it back At first the owners were highly amused with the tug of war. Until it lasted into the night. They removed the cushion. That only sent both dog and cat into baby withdrawal. Both critters protested, loudly. They fought. It was getting ugly. The blamed the other for the loss of their velvet baby. Enough! Their humans tossed the cushion back. It only caused more ruckus. Nothing left to do but give each animal a cushion. The uproar continued. The teenager of the house stumbled out of bed, picked up cat, dog, the two cushions, took them into his bedroom, shut the door..then silence. Morning came to find dog and cat curled together. Fake babies forgotten. I love the fact that it took a sleepy teenager to solve the problem. His parents wanted to know how he knew what to do. He gave them a long stare, "Well, that's what you two do." They blushed when he added, "When you guys fight, one night in the bedroom sure stops the noise around here!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Liz for his story: To confirm her suspicions, my sister needed to purchase a pregnancy test kit. Since I was going to the pharmacy, she asked me to pick one up. I didn't stop to think how I appeared to the clerk when I waddled up nine months pregnant to pay for the kit. "Honey," she said, "I can save you $15 right now. You're definitely going to have a baby." ========================================
Thanks to Deeli for today's Bonus Link: One Language
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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