Dear Webby: Bat to clean out the Quarantine 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  July 8, 2007

"It is time for us all to cheer for the doer, the achiever -
the one who recognizes the challenge and does something
about it."
--- Vince Lombardi

It's been said that the only constant is change.
I don't agree with that. There's another constant,
and that's the desire for change.
 Dr. Robert Maurer


Thanks to Tim for this story:
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died
because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to
get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife
to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into
our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use
it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to
her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it
needed to be pushed at a speed of at least 30mph for it
to start.

She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.

I sat there fuming, wondering what she could be doing.

A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror
coming at me at about 40 mph, I realized that I should have
been a bit clearer with my directions.


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Tongue Twister
A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott in
June 1849. Nott was shot and Shott was not. In this case
it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some said that Nott was
not shot. But Shott says that he shot Nott. It may be that
the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, or it may be  possible that
the shot Shott shot, shot Shott himself. We  think, however,
that the shot Shott shot, shot not Shott,  but Nott. Anyway it
is hard to tell who was shot and who was not.


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an ice cream vendor in Benton, Michigan Wrong Flavor! July 6, 2007 - Benton Township, Michigan - AP Southwestern Michigan authorities say they arrested an ice cream truck operator who was selling marijuana along with his frozen desserts. After authorities got tips about the alleged pot-peddler, a deputy "heard jingling bells" about 2 p.m. Thursday and saw the ice cream truck entering a mobile home park, Berrien County sheriff's Lt. Keith Hafer said in a written statement. Deputy John Hopkins stopped the truck, spoke with the driver and "detected the odour of marijuana coming from the truck (along with tutti-frutti and a couple other flavours) ," Hafer wrote. Authorities searched the van and found several packages of marijuana under the dashboard, the statement said. The 36-year-old suspect was jailed while awaiting arraignment on charges of marijuana possession with intent to deliver and maintaining a drug vehicle. He also faces an outstanding warrant for skipping child support, Hafer said. Authorities released the vehicle to the vending company "in spite of an effort by Narcotics Officers to devise a way to forfeit the vehicle and its icy cold treats," Hafer said. He said police would seek revocation of the company's license to operate in Benton Township. ... 61-ap.html ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks for Sandie for sending this picture: =========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this one: A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?" "Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. "Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me. "Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. "Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. "Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method. "Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. "Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. "Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it. "Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it. "Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was. .......... God I miss him. "But now that I've married you, I'm so excited". "Wonderful", said the husband, "but why? "Your're with the "GOVERNMENT"... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get SCR....D." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Shortcut to Quarantine Dear Webby By golly, it worked! I had a ton of quarantined files that I might want to remind folks to delete their recycle bin too! Thanks for the heads up on this one! I would love to have a short cut on my desktop to that particular file....can I just right click and make a shortcut while in the last file (quarantine)? Carol Dear Carol No, making a shortcut to a quarantined virus is not a good idea. Just write a bat with a plain text editor like NoteMaid or Notepad. Start a new file, save it to C:\ as maq.bat If you are using Notepad, make sure it doesn't rename it to maq.bat.txt Into it paste these lines, what is between the double lines, without the double lines: ====================================== @echo off REM maq.bat to clean the McAfee Quarantine C: REM one long line between this and the next REM cd C:\Documents and Settings\All Users\Application Data\McAfee\VirusScan\Quarantine\ REM make sure above line is on ONE line dir pause del /F /Q *.* echo McAfee Quarantine cleaned pause ====================================== The only critical part is to make sure that the line, that starts with cd C:\, is not line-wrapped into two lines. Save it and find it with Explorer. It SHOULD be in C:\ Make a shortcut to it and drag that to the desktop. Here is what it does: When you click it, it opens a DOS session Turns the echo off and does not echo REMarks and comands onto the screen, just the results Then it goes to where the stuff is. Next it shows you a directory listing, just for your amusement and edification The PAUSE waits for a key press, so that the listing doesn't just go away unseen. Then it force deletes all the viruses and crap, tells you what it has done and waits for your keypress then it goes away. You could strip the REMarks, the dir and the pauses out, but if you ever need to modify it, or write something similar, then you will be glad you got those "educational" lines in there. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos uly 2, 2007 - Lake Havasu, Arizona - AP A woman who works as a makeup artist and grocery store deli clerk found $20,000 at a bank's drive-up depository, then calmly walked into the bank and turned over the cash. Linda Hatch said her mind raced in the seconds after she found the two $10,000 bundles in a plastic deposit tube. ''Am I in the middle of a bank robbery ... a drug bust, is someone going to pick up the money?'' Hatch said of the June 25 find. ''I was like, 'Oh my gosh. What do I do?''' Hatch, who owns a permanent makeup business in Lake Havasu City and moonlights at an Albertsons store, said the bank teller she approached was just as confused about what to do. ''She looked at me like, 'What is this?''' Hatch said. Hatch said she filed a police report in the days after turning over the cash, and hasn't been told by the bank if the rightful owner has ever surfaced. Bank employees declined to comment. Hatch, said she was ''shaken for five hours'' after the discovery, but has no second thoughts about turning in the cash. ''It's not enough money to move to Mexico,'' she said with a laugh. ... t-tube.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Baby Food Jars For Small Items Baby food jars are great for storing small nails, screws and other items so that they are easy to see. You can attach the metal lids to the underside of a shelf, the jars can then hang from the shelf and be seen easily. When I was living in a hastily built cabin in the Yukon while rebuilding the house, that had burned down, I used a similar system. I trimmed a small log to took like a 6-sided banister post, and suspended it between two "L" brackets with a big screw in each end. Each of the six sides held a different group of items, and I could just turn it to whichever side I needed. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer. When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam.. I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the BEER for?" At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, nurse!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!" ============================================= HOT BOTTOM He was a mean monster. Standing at least 20 feet tall, teeth the size of loaves of bread, breath like a pig stall, plus a tail that swished back and forth causing them to run for cover. He liked to swat them, hold them with one paw while they cried in terror. His huge green eyes would shine in gleeful delight when was able to get past mama to maul them. The monster was a cat called Slugger. He loved to pick on three Chihuahua puppies. He'd wait until Mini, the mother dog left her babies alone, then creep up to their box, intent on terrorizing her pups From their tiny size he looked enormous. Mini would race back to defend her little ones. The cat always left before she arrived. The pups grew until they were able to go through the doggie door into the great outside. Slugger woke up from a nap, looked around for Mini, then made a lurch through the door to catch a puppy. He got halfway through, heaved, twisted, shoved, but he was stuck. This presented a wonderful chance for the puppies to get up close and personal, barking and nipping his face. Slugger had to take the punishment. He heard Mini's claws on the floor behind him.She could hear her excited babies on the other side of the door, She did what dogs do. She looked at the fat rump on that dreadful cat, and bit, hard, several times. Slugger felt his bottom being stabbed. Making a supreme effort, he lunged through the door, soaring into a tree to sulk. It would be a long time before he forgot about the diminutive little mother dog with fire in her veins, and a bite that felt like he had sat in a hornet's nest. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== The "BUT FIRST" Syndrome. We all have it. You decide to do the laundry. So you start down the stairs with the laundry, but then you see the newspapers on the table. OK, you'll do the laundry......... BUT FIRST you decide to put the newspapers away. On your way to put the newspapers away, you notice the mail on the table. OK, you'll put the newspapers away........ BUT FIRST you'll pay that bill that needs to be paid. You look for the checkbook. Oops... there's the baby's bottle from yesterday on the floor. OK, you'll pay the bill........ BUT FIRST you need to put the bottle in the sink. You head for the kitchen. There's the remote for the TV. What's it doing in here? OK, you'll put the bottle in the sink..... BUT FIRST you need to put the remote away. Head for the TV room. Aaagh!!! stepped on the cat! Cat needs to be fed. OK, you'll put the remote away... BUT FIRST you need to feed the cat. At the end of the day...... The laundry is not done; newspapers are still on the floor; baby's bottle is on the table; bills are still unpaid; checkbook is still lost; cat ate the remote control....... And when you stop to figure out how come nothing got done all day, you are baffled know you were busy ALL DAY!! ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Rila Monastery
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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