Dear Webby: How to recognize a spoof 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  July 17, 2007
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Opportunity is missed by most people because it is
dressed in overalls and looks like work.
--- Thomas Edison

We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

=======================================

One of the airlines recently introduced a special
half-fare rate for business women to take their hubands
along on business trips.

Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity
department of the airline sent out letters to all the
husbands of business women who used the special rates,
asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip???"

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

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Greg and Ron were in a lodge, making small talk. Greg
asked Ron, "So, what do you hunt?"

Ron answered, "I hunt unicorns."

Greg was startled, but said, "Really? How
do you do that?"

Ron answered "I find a virgin and hire her to help me.
The virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn
comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare."

Greg said "Boy, they must be hard to find. I've
heard of them, but I've never seen one."

Ron replied "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns
around, either!"

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Ellis, Cape Cod, Massachusetts Jury Shirker Will be serving more than jury duty time ... July 10, 2007 - Barnstable, Massachusetts - AP A Cape Cod man who claimed he was homophobic, racist and a habitual liar to avoid jury duty earned an angry rebuke from a judge on Monday, who referred the case to prosecutors for possible charges. "In 32 years of service in courtrooms, as a prosecutor, as a defense attorney and now as a judge, I have quite frankly never confronted such a brazen situation of an individual attempting to avoid juror service," Barnstable Superior Court Judge Gary Nickerson told Daniel Ellis, according to a preliminary court transcript of the exchange. Ellis, of Falmouth, had been called to court with about 60 other potential jurors for possible service on a 23-member grand jury. On a questionnaire that all potential jurors fill out, Ellis wrote that he didn't like homosexuals and blacks. He then echoed those sentiments in an interview with Nickerson. "You say on your form that you're not a fan of homosexuals," Nickerson said. "That I'm a racist," Ellis interrupted. "I'm frequently found to be a liar, too. I can't really help it," Ellis added. "I'm sorry?" Nickerson said. "I said I'm frequently found to be a liar," Ellis replied. "So, are you lying to me now?" Nickerson asked. "Well, I don't know. I might be," was the response. Ellis then admitted he really didn't want to serve on a jury. "I have the distinct impression that you're intentionally trying to avoid jury service," Nickerson said. "That's true," Ellis answered. Nickerson ordered Ellis taken into custody. He was released later Monday morning. Ellis could face perjury and other charges. http://www.tri-cityherald.com/24hour/we ... 5839c.html ===========================================
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Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture: Star Gazer Lily =========================================== A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jack Re: REMOVE!!! Take me off your mail list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I get one more email from you I WILL turn you in to the FCC. Jack Quirk jack@kjproductions.tv Hi Jack Go right ahead and make the FCC laugh about you. You can also try the FTC, and for good measure FTD. You don't have an account with us, so I can't remove you from anything. However, I would recommend that you get somebody to 'splain to you what a spoof is, and how to recognize a spoof. Then you can stop barking at the wrong tree, just to amuse me. Have FUN! DearWebby How to recognize a spoof http://webby.com/info/recognize-a-spoof.html ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 16, 2007 - Angola, Indiana - AP The personal touch earned a waitress a $10,000 tip. Jessica Osborne, 20, received the gift from a family of regulars at the Pizza Hut where she works in this northeastern Indiana town. The family, a mother and two sons, stopped in recently for their usual: two Mountain Dews, a cup of hot water for tea and a large Meat Lover's Stuffed Crust pizza. They requested Osborne as usual and chatted about their lives. ''They make your day better when they come in,'' Osborne said. She said she told them how she had started college twice but had to drop out because she didn't have enough money. They told her of their plans to move away, and she asked that they say goodbye before leaving town. They returned last week and handed Osborne a check, folded in half, with money from an education fund they had set up after a death in the family. ''I didn't want to look at it because I thought I was going to cry,'' Osborne said. She did just that when she looked inside. Osborne said she is now considering her options for where to study photography and journalism. ''I haven't had time to figure it out,'' she said. http://www.happynews.com/news/7162007/i ... er-tip.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Toaster First unplug the toaster. Open the crumb catch tray, making sure you open it over a garbage can or outside to avoid getting crumbs everywhere. To get it super clean, you can use some compressed air like you use for cleaning inside of electronic device. Never clean the inside with water. Do NOT use canned compressed air! Don't even allow it anywhere near your home! Kids inhale it to get stoned, and hundreds a year die from that. If you think you need to shoot petrified bread crumbs into your eyes and down your cleavage, use a tire pump or electric air compressor. However, unless you have weird fetishes like putting runny jam onto your toast before putting it into the toaster, it's enough to turn it upside down over your bird feeder or sidewalk, and slapping it a few times. If the neighbors are watching, tell them that your toaster is haunted and has been misbehaving. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?" ============================================= PAY BACK TIME It took us months of hard work. Finally our backyard pond was finished. It had a fountain, water plants, beautiful fish, we even had lighting rigged up to show it off at night. Compliments were many. For weeks we enjoyed the pond. It was the perfect place to relax. Our black lab, Jack was getting on in years. He still slept in his dog house at night when the weather was warm. This was fine, until his frenzied barking woke us up in the wee hours of the morning. He was racing around and around the pool, barking his fool head off. The phone began to ring, neighbours wanting to know if we had a prowler. I searched every inch of that pond, turned the fountain off, shut off the lights, finding nothing, grumbled at Jack to shut up, then stumbled back to bed. Ah, silence. Until Jack started up again. What was with that dog? He'd never acted like this before. Out I went, this time sneaking up behind him. I whispered "What is it Jack?" The poor dog was so startled he leaped right into the water. Right out the other side bounced a toad the size of a grapefruit. Jack went after it, the toad sat like a lump. Jack sniffed it all over, wrinkled his lip, backing away from the thing. I gently pushed the toad under the neighbours fence then went back to bed. Suddenly the neighbors dog went into full alert. I still feel guilty that I put the toad under the fence. At least Jack wasn't blamed for barking. Besides their cat had been digging in my flower beds for years. It was payback time! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lavender Festival
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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