Dear Webby: Spam from 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  July 19, 2007

It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if,
by ill luck, people understood each other,
they would never agree.
--- Charles Baudelaire

Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching
TV by candlelight?
--- Al Boliska


One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He
stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil,
then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a

Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. The
livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket,
carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry
the goose in your other hand?"

"Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.

While walking he met a fair young lady.
She told him she was lost, and asked, "Can you tell me how
to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I'm going to visit my
brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take a short cut and go
down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there".

The fair young lady said, "How do I know that when we get in to the
alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and
ravish me?"

The farmer said, "I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a
goose.  How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall
and do that?"

The young lady said, "Set the goose down, put the bucket over the
goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens....


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With deep concern, Brian noted that his friend Peter was
far drunker than he'd ever seen him before. He walked over
to the bar and asked, "What's the trouble, buddy?"

"It's a woman." replied Peter. "What else?"

"Tell me about it," coaxed Brian.

"It's your wife." replied Peter

"My wife? What about her?" Asked Brian

Peter turned and looked Brian in the eye and said "Well,
buddy boy, I'm afraid she's cheating on us."


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joshua Matthew Garmon, 18 of East Barren, Kentucky He is going to be even mre bored soon! July 17, 2007 - Glasgow, Kentucky - AP A volunteer firefighter in south-central Kentucky was arrested after allegedly making false 911 calls because he was bored, police said. Joshua Matthew Garmon, 18, a member of the East Barren Volunteer Fire Department, was charged Sunday with nine counts of falsely reporting an incident, according to the Barren County Sheriff's Department. The false calls came from cell phones that don't work anymore except for emergency 911 calls, Detective Rusty Anderson said. Anderson said Garmon allegedly made false reports of fires and wrecks with injuries because he wanted to go on fire runs. ... JJ1G0.html ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Ann for this picture: Eagle on the tree in front of the house =========================================== The company I work for offers tours through the historic district of Anapolis, MD, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, one of our guides, Dave, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double-take at Dave in his 18th century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mindy Re: Dear Webby What's with all this spam coming from Can't anything be done about it? Dear Mindy Excite is spammer friendly. I simply trash all mail coming from, right on the server, unseen by anybody, automatically. If you don't have MailWasher, then tell your ISP to block all mail coming from You never get any useful mail from an address anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 18, 2007 - Slidell, Louisiana - AP An anonymous benefactor helped settle a long-standing lawsuit in which a land company claimed ownership of a house sold without the residents' knowledge over a $1.63 tax bill. ''I don't even know who to thank,'' Dolores Atwood, 69, said after the settlement returned the property title to her and her 71-year-old husband. ''But I'm relieved and happy that this is finally over.'' The local businessman who paid Jamie Land Co. to settle the lawsuit wants to remain anonymous for now, said his attorney, Gary Duplechain. He stepped forward after reading about the Atwoods' plight. Jamie Land President James Lindsay II said the agreement reached Tuesday calls for the amount paid to remain undisclosed. ''But it wasn't a lot of money,'' he said. In 1996, the $1.63 bill was sent to a defunct address and returned as undelivered. The Atwoods weren't looking for it, because they had owned the four-bedroom house mortgage free since 1968 and had been exempt from the state tax. As a result, the home was sold at a St. Tammany Parish sheriff's auction in 1997. The State Tax Commission eventually nullified the sale, but when the Atwoods tried to sell the house in 2002, they discovered that Jamie Land Co. still had the property rights. Lindsay argued his rights were violated when the tax commission didn't inform him of its decision. Last month an appeals court sided with the Atwoods, and Jamie Land had been planning to appeal to the state Supreme Court. Delores Atwood said having the title will allow them to apply for assistance to help repair damage caused by Hurricane Katrina. She's been staying in a trailer on the property while her husband, Kermit, who is on a respirator, lives with relatives. ''I'm tired of living in a FEMA trailer,'' she said. ... p-home.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Avoiding Workbench Clutter Keep a garbage can right by your workbench or work areas. Try to find convenient place to store items, like safety goggles, so that they are near where you used them the most. Keep a small hand broom near your work bench to sweep debris into a garbage can.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
============================================= COPYCAT PARROT "Take the batteries out of that blasted smoke alarm," Ethel snapped at her husband. "It bleeps no matter what I'm cooking." Her husband argued, "I don't think that's a good idea." One look at his cranky wife however, and he dismantled it. She grumbled, I wish you could dismantle the blasted parrot." The parrot that had a huge repertoire of sounds. He drove Ethel to distraction daily, imitating sounds like the phone ringing, barking dogs, crying kids, doors slamming. It sang TV commercials, almost any sound, if the bird heard it enough, it would imitate. He loved to say, "Ethel" over and over. Ethel slid the turkey into the oven. She was in a hurry, had more shopping to do as company was coming. As she went out the door, the bird called, "Goodbye Ethel." She yelled back, "Just shut up." The parrot sang over and over, "Shut up, Shut up, Shut up," until he tired. Dealing with a bad mood, had made Ethel careless. She had turned the oven temperature too high. It wasn't long before smoke curled around the stove. Neighbours heard the smoke detector. Knowing no one was home, they dialled 911.The fire dept. arrived, turned off the oven, then tossed the blackened turkey out the door. They looked for a smoke alarm, but it wasn't there. The parrot was sitting on the table watching. Everyone jumped when he lit into an ear piercing siren of a smoke alarm. Ethel was visibly shaken finding the firefighters in her home. Her parrot was preening from all the attention he was getting. She turned white when the neighbours told her what happened. She held the parrot, "I guess you better stay after all." The bird responded, "Shut up Ethel, Just, Shut up!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== A couple got married in a western one horse town and took the their homey moon in the bright lights of Las Vegas. While checking in the hotel clerk said to the honeymooners, "Would you like a single room or a double or for $100 you can have the bridal." The woman responded, "No, I don't need the bridal, I'll just hang on to his ears until he gets the hang of it." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: World of Roses
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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