Dear Webby: No Flash 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  July 21, 2007
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If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free.
If our wealth commands us, we are poor indeed.
 Edmund Burke

One's first step in wisdom is to question everything -
and one's last is to come to terms with everything.
--- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

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The whole neighborhood shook from the explosion.  As store
owners ran outside to see what happened, they spotted the
pharmacist staggering out of his smoldering building.  His
white uniform was scorched black.  He walked up to a woman
standing nearby and said, "Lady!  Would you please ask your
doctor to write that prescription again.  And this time,
PRINT IT!"

=======================================

The judge read the charges, then asked,
"Are you the defendant in this case?"

"No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jethro. "I got me a
lawyer to do the defendin'.  I'm the one who done it."

======================================

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All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted
her down the aisle.  They reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something
in his hand.

The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of
laughter. Even the minister smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave
him back his credit card....

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Atlanta-based Force Events Direct Marketing, Too many winners July 19, 2007 - Roswell, New Mexico - AP Everyone's a winner after a direct-mail marketing company hired by a local car dealership mistakenly sent out 50,000 scratch-off tickets to residents - all of them declaring the ticket-holder the $1,000 grand prize winner. Just one of the tickets was supposed to be the grand prize winner. Jeff Kohn, Roswell Honda general manager said a typographical error by Atlanta-based Force Events Direct Marketing, which printed the advertisement, had given all 50,000 scratch-off tickets grand prizes. "Unfortunately, they missed it in the proofreading," said Kohn, who was able to stop an estimated 20,000 direct mailers from being sent. Kohn said the dealership is "making a full-faith effort" to investigate the mistake, which he said is "not how we portray ourselves or our community." In a statement, Force Events apologized "for any inconvenience this may has caused car shoppers in the Roswell market" and asked that any questions and concerns be directed to the company. Force Events representatives are expected to be in Roswell on Thursday to sort out the mess, Kohn said. Meanwhile, the names, addresses and phone numbers of "winners" who arrive at the dealership were being taken down. Kohn said they will all be invited back to the dealership. "At this point, I don't know what exactly the company's solution is going to be," Kohn said. "We are not sure how Force Events is going to handle this matter. That's why they are flying out to Roswell and that's why I'm taking down people's names." http://www.tri-cityherald.com/24hour/we ... 1412c.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
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=========================================== Dear Webby Thought you might like this picture of Mt. Athabaska with the Athabaska glacier between it and Mt. Hilda in the foreground at right. It was taken near the Icefields Parkway in Banff Park, Alberta. My wife and I were hiking on the old Banff -Jasper Highway along Nigel Creek about a week ago. Svend Thanks to Svend for sending this picture: =========================================== A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom. When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?" "Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox. "Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Almira Re: Further into the dark Dear Webby I need to take pictures of graduates from a course that I teach. The last ones were a disaster. The flash does not light up the second and third row, and without a flash, the overhead lights are too dim and make the faces look haggard. I remember you occasionally making strong statements against the use of flash, but I forgot what alternatives you recommended. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Almira Dear Almira Go to Home Depot or a similar construction supplier, and get yourself a 500 W or 1000 W Quartz work light. They are in rectangular cast aluminum fixtures just like yard and security lights, but have a much brighter lamp in it, and a safety grill in front of the glass. You can get them with a big alligator clamp to clip them onto a stepladder, or with a bright yellow tripod. Most photographers take that tripod out into the back alley and use a can of black barbecue paint to give it an expensive and professional look. However, that is a stupid idea. It just causes people to trip over the tripod legs. There is a good reason why it is bright yellow. Position the light a bit to the side of your spot and closer to the group or podium. Put your camera on a tripod and make sure that the light is just barely outside your cone of view. The older the crowd, the lower down the light should be. A knee high spotlight hides more wrinkles than a pound of make-up, but make sure the light is a bit to the side and not straight in front of your camera. Set the camera for 1/30 second or if it is an automatic, use the symbol of a person with a star above the head. To take the picture, hold up a manual flash with your left hand and set it off. Click the camera a second later, when they just start to relax, but before they let their chests fall back down into their drawers. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 19, 2007 - Callahan, Florida - IBS A Florida man recently came face to face with his 18-year-old self -- in the driver's license he lost 25 years ago, along with his wallet. A Nassau County, Fla., office worker recently found Ken Colsen's old wallet in a window ledge, still containing the pictures of his nephews, who are also grown up. The office worker looked up Colsen's name in the phone book to return everything. "She said, 'Is your address Mickler Street?' and I said, "I've not lived on Mickler Street in over 20 years,'" Colsen said. Colsen said he remembers last seeing the wallet in the parking lot of a McDonald's restaurant that used to stand a few miles away from the current office building. He speculates that someone found the wallet, took whatever cash was inside and then tossed it. "I was so astonished when she gave it to me that I was kind of shaking," Colsen said. "You don't expect to ever get it back, so when you get it back some 25 years later, it's bizarre." http://www.wftv.com/news/13713251/detail.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Air Out the House With summer here, open up windows when you use caustic cleaners. Opening up various windows and doors will help air circulate throughout the house and help freshen everything. An even better approach is to avoid these type of fumes by using cleaners like baking soda and vinegar. Some of the industrial citrus based cleaners are also very powerful. Their smell might be easier on your nose and throat than boiled down vinegar. A five gallon pail of concentrated cleaner will probably last you the rest of your life, and is surprisingly cheap at a janitorial supplies wholesaler. The proper way to decant the concentrate into a sprayer bottle or pint bottle for splashing a bit into a mop bucket, is to treat the pail like a barrel, not like a bucket. The bucket handle is just to get it out of the store and to your home. Lay the pail flat on a work bench or shelf. Raise the front a bit with a piece of wood, so that the big spout is higher than the liquid level. Pull the big spout out, unscrew the cap and tear out the safety seal. Now you can gently roll your "barrel" until you get a smooth, even flow from the spout. When you got enough, just roll it back and put the cap back on. Don't push the spout back in. Leave it sticking out. You can only push it back in about 200 times before it starts cracking and leaking. Totally ignore the little spout hole. That is just an air hole used when the concentrate is sucked out with a pump in the big spout. Use a couple of small wedges to stop your "barrel" from accidentally rolling. With this method you never have to lift the pail again, once it is in place, and you always get a smooth, even flow that is easy to control. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two voices - male and female - obviously on a plane. "I think everyone's asleep, lets go" Sound of steps. "This one's empty ... no-ones looking ... you go in first" "It a bit cramped - let me sit down" "Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on" Sniff sniff "Ah perfume - you think of everything" "This is great....." (long sigh) Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations... Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector!" ============================================= SWINGING BELLA Bella was just plain lonely. A family had adopted her, welcomed her into their hearts and home. They had a sudden family emergency, leaving her at a neighbors farm but the farmers seemed too busy for her. On the place were two miniature donkeys. Bella went to meet them. Unlike most donkeys, these two liked dogs. Almost all donkeys will chase a dog away. Bella found a stick, inviting the mini's to play. The shaggy critters caught on fast. Each took one end of the stick in their mouth, then trotted off. Bella was left alone, again. She wanted to play. When the donkeys came close, she lunged at the middle of the stick, and hung on. The tiny critters thought this was great fun. Around and around the pasture they went, packing that stick, with Bella swinging gently between them. The game went on for hours. When the sun grew too hot, the mini's went into the shade to rest. Bella curled up with them. Eventually all three slept, worn out from the fun. Her adopted family arrived, calling out her name. She ran at full throttle towards them. She looked back at the donkeys who had trotted up to the fence. Jumping down, she found the stick, and the game was on. Her family got a huge kick out of the antics. Once at home, Bella settled in happily. She was greatly loved. Every week, her family would load her into the car, drop her off for an afternoon's play with the two mini's. The donkeys appeared to enjoy having a playmate, even if it was a dog. Truly, little Bella had the best of two worlds. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A flight attendant was on the red-eye to Manila when a water leak developed in the galley, which eventually soaked the carpet throughout the cabin of the 747. A very sleepy passenger who had become aware of the dampness asked the attendant, "Has it been raining?" Keeping a straight face, the attendant replied, "Yes, but we put the top up." With a sigh of relief, the passenger went back to sleep... ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: American Scenery
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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