Dear Webby: Disappearing mails 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  July 24, 2007

It is easier to do a job right than to explain why you didn't.
--- Martin Van Buren


 is approached by the lifeguard at the public
swimming pool.

"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard.
"I'm going to have to report you."

"But everyone pees in the pool," said .

"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"


A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer
struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a
moment, and I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't like it."

"Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break.
 Come and have a drink of water."

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing
his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave
driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my

"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load of hay


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Two Canadians are driving in Texas. A Texas Ranger
notices out of the country plates and turns on the
lights and pulls them over.

Officer walks over to the car, the driver rolls down
his window and the officer takes his billy club and
whacks the driver on the back of the head.

The Canadian driver asks what that was for. The officer
says, "This is Texas, boy, when you see these flashing
lights to pull you over, you gets your insurance,
license and registration ready, don't make me wait!"

The officer checks them out and returns the documents.
Then the officer walks over to the other side of the
car and taps his wand on the glass, the passenger rolls
down his window and the officer whacks him in the head.

"What was that for", the Canadian Passenger asks.

"Boy", I just made your wishes come true,"says the

"What does that mean" asks the passenger. "Well, you
boys are going to get five miles down the road and
you're going to say, "Boy, I wish that dumb cop had
tried that with me!"


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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Zi, a reporter in Peking, China Algorian Reporting in China July 20, 2007 - Beijing, China - AP Chinese police have arrested a journalist accused of faking an investigative report on buns stuffed with shredded cardboard that made headlines around the world. Beijing Television apologized during an evening news broadcast, saying the bun report was a hoax and the reporter had been taken into custody, but did not say when. A copy of the Wednesday broadcast was obtained by The Associated Press on Thursday. “He used deceptive means to get the footage on the air,” said news anchor Wang Ye, without giving specifics. “The Beijing Public Security Bureau has taken the criminal suspect, Zi, into custody and he will be severely dealt with according to law.” Zi’s footage appeared to show a makeshift kitchen where vendors made fluffy buns stuffed with chopped-up cardboard that had been softened in caustic soda and mixed with pork fat and flavoring. The story, allegedly shot with a hidden camera, was first broadcast on Beijing Television’s Life Channel on July 8 and then again three days later on China Central Television. Police said Zi had told editors he wanted to investigate the quality of pork buns, and spent two weeks visiting stands but could not find anything to report, Xinhua said. He filmed the fake report after coming under pressure to produce a story, the agency said. Beijing Television said Zi brought meat, flour, cardboard and other ingredients to a downtown Beijing neighborhood in mid-June, and had four migrant workers make the buns for him while he filmed the process. ... 29-ap.html Rumors that Al Gore nominated him for a Pulitzer Prize have not been confirmed yet at press time. ===========================================
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=========================================== This is what comes and drinks my water and eats birdseed.... Many nights... SOME NIGHTS THE JAVALINA do the same Joan in Prescott, AZ. =========================================== A tenderfoot scout is on his first camping trip. As soon as he has pitched his tent, he goes for a hike in the woods. In about 15 minutes, however, he rushes back into camp, bruised, bleeding and disheveled. "What happened?" asks his patrol leader. "I was chased by a black snake," the frightened boy cries. The older boy smiles. "A black snake isn't deadly," he says "Hey," the tenderfoot groans. "If it can make you jump off a 150-foot cliff, it is." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Juniper Re: Disappearing files Dear Webby Lately I noticed that MailWasher will spool down a hundred or so mails, but then just show a listing of 15 - 20. What's the scoop? Should I be concerned? Juniper Dear Juniper That's just a sign that you are getting good with making filters. For example, if you made a filter that deletes mails automatically, if they contain the names of certain pharmaceuticals or watches or stock in the body of the mail, then MailWasher will count them, but it won't insult your eyes with that crap. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 22, 2007 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - AP The mayor and two of his bodyguards happened upon a house fire and ended up rescuing a cat, helping a victim and warning neighbors, officials and witnesses said. Neighbor Dorothy Young said she saw the smoke Friday morning and went outside to find two children who lived in the house crying at the bottom of her steps. ''We were all in shock, just yelling and crying,'' Young said. ''I couldn't believe what was happening. It was like a movie.'' Mayor John Street and two of his bodyguards, who had been walking to City Hall when they saw the burning home, rushed over to help, Young said. The bodyguards carried a boy who suffered minor burns into Young's home and went into the burning house to rescue a cat. Street, clad in sneakers, sweats and a ballcap, began banging on doors and urging people to leave their homes, said city Commerce Director Stephanie Naidoff. He told her the story before leaving town for the weekend, she said. Children playing with matches started the fire, and it was brought under control in a few minutes, said Fire Commissioner Lloyd Ayers. A 9-year-old was treated for minor burns, and three other people who lived in the house escaped without major injuries. ... oy-cat.htm Pretty sad when a mayor needs two bodyguards!
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Muddy Footprints When you get muddy footprints in my house or car, sprinkle them with baking soda and let them dry. Once dry, vacuum up the dirt and then clean any leftover stain with Resolve or a similar carpet spot cleaner. If you try to clean the mud when it is wet, it will just spread it around. If you are in a hurry, use Zorb-All or any similar industrial absorbent material. You get it at automotive parts stores and many industrial and construction supply places. It is sort of like an industrial kitty litter. A bag that will fill 3 five gallon pails is usually around $12 - $15. It will absorb any liquid and even pull motor oil out of carpet or concrete. Just sprinkle it on, spread it a bit and let it sit for 15 -20 minutes, less if it is just puddle mud, then sweep or vacuum. Don't get stuck on the name "Zorb-All". That's like "Crescent Wrench". The people at the automotive parts store will know what you mean, but the name on the bag will depend on where you live and the brand they stock. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
A man goes to a clinic early on a Monday morning and asks to see a doctor. He appears to be in great pain, and his hands are in bandages. The nurse looks at him sympathetically. "Arthritis, with complications?" she asks. "No," says the man. "Do-it-yourself, with concrete blocks." ============================================= JUNGLE'S PROPERTY The dog bared his fangs, growling deep in his throat. He lowered his head, the hair on his back rising in a ridge. He was defending his territory. Only a fool would think of trying to get into the tent behind him. Angus, a brute of a man, stepped back softly, "I ain't got nothing against you lad, I just want to talk to my buddy in the tent." The dog's fangs dripping salvia. He hadn't relaxed his tense body. He was not backing down. Out of the tent came a mild mannered man. He snapped at the dog, "Back off Jungle, get in the tent". The dog turned, giving the intruder a warning look before obeying the order. "Man, that is some wicked dog," Angus said. He kept his eyes on the tent. He held his breath when he saw the dog come back, he was dragging something in his mouth. Right behind the dog walked a little girl. "Well, " exclaimed Angus. "No wonder Jungle was acting so tough. He had this little sweetheart to protect." The owner of the dog turned a deep red when the child said, "Doggie was just taking care of his stuff." He's had it since he was a puppy, and daddy can't get it away from him." She giggled, "But doggie will let "me" have it. Daddy says my dog is a big teddy bear, unless you try to take his blankie!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== A little town attracted the attention of sociologists at the state university because of its high birth rate. A team of researchers writes a grant proposal, gets a chunk of money, hires additional staff members and moves to the town. While the staff is busy getting ready for the big research effort, the project director goes to the local coffee shop for a cup of coffee. While he is drinking his coffee, he starts talking with the waitress, and at one point in the conversation he asks her if she has any idea why the birth rate is so high. "Sure," she says. "Every morning the 6:00 train comes through here and blows its whistle for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Aggtelek Park, Hungaria
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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