Dear Webby: McAfee fails on spoofs 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  July 28, 2007
======================================

The U.S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness,
only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.
--- Benjamin Franklin

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency
they're going to catch you in next.
--- Franklin P. Jones

=======================================

Three small boys were bragging about their fathers.  The first
boasted that his dad owned a farm.  The second said his dad
owned a factory.  The third boy, a pastors son, replied:
"That's nothin'.  My dad owns hell."

"No way," another boy scoffed.  "How can a man own hell?"


"Sure he can," the preacher's son said.  "My mom told my
grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last
night."

=======================================

The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked
whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over
again.

"Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."

======================================

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A teacher was giving a lesson on the blood circulation.

"If I stood on my head, then the blood, as you know, would
flow into my head and I would turn red in the face," she
explained.

"That's right," remarked one of the students.

"Then why doesn't the blood flow into my feet when I'm
standing upright in an ordinary position?"

 shouted, "That's because your feet are not empty!"

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to A woman in Sittingbourne, Kent, UK That's a one way trap, Ma'am! July 26, 2007 - Sittingbourne, Kent, UK - Ananova A woman had to be rescued by firefighters after she fell headfirst into a recycling bin. The woman had apparently dropped off some clothes and then changed her mind and tried to get them back. But the slightly built woman got trapped in the slot and fire crews needed hydraulic cutting equipment to get her out., reports the Daily Record. The alarm was raised by another recycler who spotted a pair of feet sticking out of the bin of unwanted clothes. The 35-year-old was going in and out of consciousness during her ordeal in the car park of an Asda store in Sittingbourne, Kent. Fireman Mark Innes said: "We were originally told it was a child stuck in the bin but when we got there, we discovered it was a fully grown woman. "Apparently she had put something in the bin that she hadn't meant to and when she went to retrieve it, she fell in. "It was a very strange job." Mark added: "Asda was closed at the time, so she was only saved thanks to someone else turning up." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2433990.html?menu= ===========================================
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=========================================== =========================================== An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question. The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh . . . all by myself?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maria Q Re: McAfee spoofs Dear Webby Why is McAfee telling me to complain to Hallmark, Mypostcards, American Greetings, etc about stuff that a week old turd can recognize as an obvious spoof? And why quarantine and save that crap, just to use up disk space that I can't afford to waste? If something is a klutzy forgery now, it's always going to be useless, no matter how long it is quarantined! You mentioned one time a way to dump that useless quarantine. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Maria Q And thanks for letting me vent! Dear Maria As you so eloquently and graphically described, McAfee can't handle spoofs. Some of their stuff is good, but when it comes to email, they are totally clueless. They don't even realize that they are not compatible with Outlook and Outlook Express. While I personally don't like those two email programs, I can't deny the fact, that there are a few Million people out there, who do use Outlook or Outlook Express. Just keep their Firewall and Viruscan, but don't waste your money on the other stuff. To delete the quarantine, delete all files at C:\Documents and Settings\All Users\Application Data\McAfee\VirusScan\Quarantine or grab the maq.bat from my toolbox at http://webby.com/t You can save it to your computer and make a shortcut icon for it, or you can run it straight off the web. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 26, 2007 - Providence, Rhode Island - Ananova A cat has amazed medics - by predicting when nursing home patients are about to die. Oscar curls up next to elderly residents in the last few hours of their lives, reports The Sun. His accuracy - seen in 25 cases in the past year - has led staff to call family once he chooses someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live. University professor Dr David Dosa said: "He doesn't make too many mistakes. Many families take solace from it. They appreciate the companionship the cat provides for their loved one." The phenomenon is described in this week's issue of the New England Journal of Medicine. Oscar, two, was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third-floor dementia unit at Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Centre in Providence, Rhode Island, US. After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds - just like the doctors. He'd sniff and observe patients, then sit beside those who would die within hours. Staff say most of the people who get a visit are so ill they don't know he's there. Oscar has received a plaque commending his "compassionate hospice care". http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2433867.html?menu=
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
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======================================== On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple had a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven. Saint Peter finally showed up and they asked him. Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out." and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer ... for two months ... and they began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?" Peter returned after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," said the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "COME ON!" Peter shouted, "it took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find two lawyers and a judge?" ========================================
Thanks to Arturas for today's Bonus Link: Funny moments in sports
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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