Dear Webby: Tonight's Meteor Shower 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Aug 12, 2007
=========================================

Our real problem is not our strength today; it is rather the
vital necessity of action today to ensure our strength tomorrow."
--- Calvin Coolidge

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.
--- Professor Irwin Corey

=======================================

Thanks to Dianne for this story:
Two Mexicans are riding along Pacific Coast Highway on a
motorcycle. They break down and start hitching a lift. A
friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Mexicans
ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in as he is
carrying 20,000 bowling balls.

The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to
fit in the back with their bike will he take them and he agrees.

They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike
into the back of the trailer, so the driver shuts the doors
and gets on his way.   By this time he is really late and so
puts his foot down.

Sure enough the Highway Patrol pulls him over for speeding.
The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which
he replies jokingly-- "Mexican eggs".

The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to
take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it
and locks it. He gets on his radio and calls for immediate
backup from as many officers as possible.

The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires
so many officers.

"I've got a Tractor-trailer here with 20,000 Mexican eggs
in it - 2 have hatched and they have already managed to
steal a motorcycle.

=======================================

A woman loses both ears in an accident. A plastic surgeon
she consults tells her that ear transplants are still in the
testing stage, but he will do what he can.

The woman undergoes the operation, and after a time
she returns to the surgeon's office to have the bandages
removed and the stitches taken out. After examining her,
the doctor tells her everything seems to have gone well,
and she seems pleased with his work.
The next day, however, she calls the plastic surgeon in
 a rage. "You know what you did?" she screams.
"You gave me a man's ears."

"Well," says the surgeon, "an ear is an ear. What's wrong?
Can't you hear?"
"I hear everything," she says.
"The problem is I don't understand anything I'm told."

======================================

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Since this is their first party and the wife hasn't done much
cooking, the husband suggests they order out for Chinese
food and she could bake a cake for dessert. She agrees,
but on Friday afternoon, the wife calls her husband in tears.

"The only recipe I can find is for a cake that will feed four,"
she says.
"Why don't you just double the recipe?" her husband asks.

Just before quitting time the husband gets another call from
her, and this time she is frantic.
"I just can't do it," she says. "It's impossible."
"Now, now, what's the matter?"
"Well, I doubled everything, just like you said," she tells him,
"and it's ready to go in the oven."
"Then what's the problem?" he asks.
The wife sobs. "The book says that the cake must be baked
at 350 degrees. I've checked the oven and it doesn't go up to
700 degrees!"

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Krystian Bala, Warsaw, poland Confession, or publicity stunt? August 11, 2007 - Warsaw, Poland - CNews The media call it the "Murder, He Wrote" trial and it is captivating Polish society in a long hot summer. The case concerns an esteemed author on trial for a murder which provided the plot for one of his novels. Prosecutors claim Krystian Bala killed a friend of his ex-wife and then used details of the crime for his best-seller, Amok. They say descriptions of the ropes used to bind his victim, the torture he suffered before death and the manner in which his life ended were retold in a thriller. Compounding his guilt, claim the prosecution, was the fact that Bala even sent a copy of the novel to the attorney general in Warsaw, as if he was taunting the authorities to arrest him. Ultimately, they did and now he could face up to 25 years in jail if found guilty of murdering Darius Jerzesky. Chief Inspector Jack Wroblewski says he received an anonymous call five years after the body was found in December 2000, "telling me to read Amok, which was published in 2003." Mr Wroblewski read the novel - a tale of how a group of intellectuals delve into sex, drugs and torture - and believed similarities between fact and "fiction" were striking. "The book contains intimate details of the killing that only the killer could have known," added the inspector. Bala claims he has been framed to cover up for a "bungled" police investigation, and says he was tortured by his captors during a day of interrogation. http://news.scotsman.com/topics.cfm?tid ... 1255972007 =========================================== Thanks to my dad for sending me this picture: This one bloomed today: Microcarpa-boolii If you want this picture for your wallpaper collection, tell me what resolution you have. I prepared them for 800x600, 1024x768, 1200x900, 1600x1200 and 2000x1500. -------------------- Re yesterday's picture, Jay wrote me: Sunset at Nikumaroro. Photo by John Clauss. Nikumaroro island is part of the Gilbert Islands where Amelia Earhart supposedly crashed. =========================================== Two confirmed bachelors are talking and their conversation drifts from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook last Christmas," says the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asks the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way, 'Take a clean dish and ...'" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rick Re: Mars next spring Dear Webby, "It will be close again next spring, " Sorry, that's not right. It will be closest Christmas Eve, 2007! But you'll need about 120 power to make it as big as a full moon as it will be only 15" of arc across when closest and the moon is about half a degree in diameter. Your one eye on each trick works well that night as Mars will be just to the right of the full moon! By spring it will again be too far for good telescope viewing. Mars comes around about every 2 years and 1 month so next time will be January 29, 2010, then March 3, 2012, and finally April 8, 2014 when it will first be closest in spring. These dates are using Universal Time (used to be GMT) since your readers are around the world. Thanks for mentioning the big as a full moon crap going around. Rick Dear Rick Sorry about that! I'm not a professional astronomer and just took a rough guess based on the fact that Mars currently is on the far side of sun. Currently I am more interested in the Perseids Meteor shower. I'm sure Rick knows all about it, but for the rest of you: Peak will be tonight, Sunday, at 11 PM Pacific, Midnight Central and 2 AM Monday Eastern time. However, don't get hung up on that precise time! It's just that at the peak the shooting stars will be the most frequent, 3 - 4 per minute if you are in the mountains, 1 - 2 per minute if you are in town. Right now, as I am writing this on the laptop out on the deck, they are about 5 minutes apart. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos August 11, 2007 - Wales, UK - CNews Red-haired people are to be offered free entry to a festival celebrating all things ginger. The National Botanic Garden of Wales claims the event on 26 August will be the country's first "Ginger Family Festival". The day will celebrate the opening of the Tropical House at the tourist attraction in Carmarthenshire, which features many exotic examples of the plant family Zingiberaceae, also known as the ginger family. Wearers of comedy ginger wigs will not qualify for free entry. http://news.scotsman.com/topics.cfm?tid ... 1253732007
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning With Hydrogen Peroxide Hydrogen Peroxide is effective for blood stains and other organic stains. It can have a bleaching effect so you will want to pretest it before applying it to any stain. For blood stains on carpet, pour peroxide directly on the stain and blot with clean cloth.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
========================================
A salesman of many years is tired of his job and gives it up to become a policeman. One day, while he's walking his beat, he meets an old friend who asks him how he likes his new work. "Well," says the salesman-turned-cop, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad. But what I like best is that the customer is always wrong." ============================================= PRETTY IN PINK In a divorced family, the kids spend part time with each parent. In this case, a 7 year old girl went to spend the summer with her dad, who worked in a motorcycle repair shop. He had a large, tough looking dog that was used as the night guard dog. The man's little girl fell in love with the big brute, who really was a teddy bear with people. She implored her dad to please let the dog stay at the house to play with her. He agreed. If he had only known what she was teaching his dog to do, he would have put a stop to it on the spot. The girl and the dog often walked down town to meet her dad for lunch. He never thought anything of it. The time came for the child to return home to her mom. The dog went back to his night time duty, but he had become used to going to meet his owner for lunch. To the extreme embarrassment of his owner, the first day the dog showed up at noon, caused the men to almost roll on the floor in hilarity. Down the street thundered the huge dog. Looking every inch a dog to be reckoned with, except for one thing. In his mouth he packed a dainty, pink purse. It swung to and fro prettily as he lumbered along. He had done this every day with his little person. To the huge delight of the men, he refused to give up his possession. He had no idea that each day he provide the town with a good laugh. He was a guard dog, he did his duty, even if it included making his owner look a wee bit foolish. As the men said, the dog had the right to look "stylish!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Two sweet young ladies are driving through Louisiana. When they reach the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argue back and forth until they stop for lunch. As they stand at the counter, one asks the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please tell us where we are? We're having trouble deciding how to pronounce it." The Asian looking manager leans over the counter and says, "Goodness Gwacious Mee, you ah at Belga Kink." (Burger King) ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Perseids Star Shower
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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