Dear Webby: Quick Shutdown 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Aug 14, 2007
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A leader is a dealer in hope.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte

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An American businessman goes to Japan on a business
trip. He hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at
his hotel if there's any place to get any other type of food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place
that delivers nearby. Back in his room, the businessman
orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery boy shows up at the door.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing
uncontrollably.
"What the hell did you put on this pizza?" he asks.
The deliveryman bows deeply.
"Just what you orda, sir: 'pepper only.'"

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In a small town in the Northeast, there is a rather sizable
factory that hires only married men. Concerned that the
factory might be practicing discrimination, a local woman
calls on the manager and asks him, "Why is it you limit your
employees to married men? Is it because you think women
are weak? Dumb? Cantankerous? What?"

"Not at all, ma'am," the manager replies. "It is because our
employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to
being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut
and don't pout when I yell at them."

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An aged farmer and his wife are leaning against the edge of
their pigpen when the old woman wistfully recalls that the
next week will mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggests.
"We can kill a pig."

The farmer scratches his grizzled head.
"Gee," he says, "I don't see why the pig should take the
blame for something that happened 50 years ago."

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Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tom Beech, 20, of Wokingham, Berkshire, UK Public Sniveling is career limiting August 9, 2007 - Wokingham, Berkshire, UK - Ananova An Argos worker got sacked for criticising his bosses on a website. Tom Beech, 20, was so fed-up after a bad day at work so he logged on to Facebook the social networking site and set up I Work At Argos And Can't Wait To Leave Because It's Sh**. But his furious bosses found out half-an-hour later and told him to shut down his posting, which attracted just three people, reports The Sun. Tom was suspended from his £6.55 ($13.17) an-hour job in Wokingham, Berkshire. A disciplinary hearing later sacked him for gross misconduct. Tom said: "I'm stunned they've fired me for this. I had a really bad day and was feeling overworked and under-paid. "My mistake was to sound off on Facebook. I wish I'd moaned at a mate." Tom plans to appeal and denied setting up a new group on Facebook called Argos Has Ruined My Life. Argos confirmed Tom was sacked after "placing inappropriate entries on Facebook." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2453429.html?menu= =========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture. Her car ? =========================================== The old family doctor still makes house calls. One afternoon he is called to a house where a housewife is in terrible pain. He goes into the bedroom to examine her. The doctor comes out of the bedroom after only a minute and asks her husband, "Do you have a hammer?" The puzzled husband goes to the garage and returns with a hammer. The doctor thanks him and goes back into the bedroom. A minute later, he comes out and asks, "Do you have a chisel?" The husband gets him one. In the next 10 minutes, the doctor asks for and receives a pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request gets to the man. "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replies the doctor. "I can't get my instrument bag open." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Andrew Re: Quick Shut-Down Dear Webby, I need a way to quickly shut down a program that frequently locks up. I know I can shut it down by opening the task manager, finding it in there and hitting End. But that is too slow and klutzy. Andrew Dear Andrew Find the exact name of the task in the task manager. Let's say it is "converter" Write a bat with a text editor: @echo off tskill converter echo Converter stopped pause exit Save that to C:\ and make a shortcut icon to it. Then go into the properties of that shortcut and assign a Hotkey, for example ALT C. From then on, hitting ALT C or clicking that icon will instantly end that program, no matter how badly stuck it is. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos August 13, 2007 - Feldkirch, Austria - UPI A British woman has given birth in Austria to a rare set of identical triplets. Doctors say identical triplets occurs in only one in 150,000 pregnancies, although many of those are not carried to term because of the increased risk of complications, The Times of London said Wednesday. The three little girls -- Amy, Kim and ZoŽ -- were born Monday to Mae Christina Astley at Feldkirch State Hospital in western Austria. The father is Austrian, the newspaper said http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-222216-280610 --------------------- Feldkirch is the town where I went to College and University, a long time ago. The morning after the last exam, I emigrated to North America.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycling Used Paint Thinner Put used paint thinner into a glass or metal container with a tight fitting lid. The paint particles will sink to the bottom, leaving you with clear paint thinner towards the top. Just pour off the clear paint thinner and discard the paint particles at the bottom.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
======================================== Three ministers are having lunch one day and complain about sudden infestations of bats in their churches. "I've had those things in my loft and attic all summer," one says. "I've tried everything -- noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away." "Yeah, me too," the second minister says. "I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated and they won't go away." "I had a problem with them, too," the third minister says. "But I baptized all mine and made them members of the church. Haven't seen one back since." ============================================= NEW BREEDS OF DOGS Another dog lover sent these giggles to me, I have to share them! PEKINGESE & LHASO APSO = Peekasso, an abstract dog COLLIE & MALAMUTE = Commute, a dog that travels to work DEERHOUND & TERRIER = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end BLOODHOUND & LABRADOR = Blabrador, a dog that barks incessantly BLOODHOUND & BORZOI = Bloody Bore, a dog that's not very much fun SPITZ & CHOW CHOW = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot POINTER & SETTER = Poinsetter, a very traditional Christmas gift COLLIE & LHASO APSO = Collapso, a dog that folds up nicely for transport BULLDOG & SHIH TZU = Bullshitz PEKINGESE & DACHSHUND = the Peking Dach, generally owned by Chinese restaurants Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A dad picks his boy up at school to take him to a dental appointment. "Well, son," the father asks, "what happened at school today?" "Dad, I got a part in the school play. I play a man who's been married for 20 years." "That's great, son," the proud father says. "Keep up the good work and before you know it, they'll be giving you a speaking part." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Canned milk
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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