Dear Webby: Better looking prints 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Aug 23, 2007

When nothing is sure, everything is possible.
--- Margaret Drabble

Be changed and the world around you begins to change.
 Gerald Epstein


Thanks to Bob for this revelation:
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was

Then I noticed women were coming up to me, they'd sniff,
exclaim, "Married!", and walk off.

So, gents, that's how they mark their territory!  You can take
off that ring, but it's hard to get that "April fresh scent" out of
your clothes.


A programmer, an accountant and a lawyer are all standing
around at a party discussing if it's better to have a wife or a

The accountant says, "A girlfriend! No commitments, no
hassles. When you get tired, you just move on."

The lawyer says, "One needs a wife. That way you have a
representative; an extension of yourself at important
gatherings with influential people".

The programmer says, "You're both wrong. You need a wife and
a girlfriend. That way the wife thinks you're with the
girlfriend; the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife and all the
while you're at the office creating programs!"

========================================= , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! =========================================
The gynecologist complimented the young woman on his examination table. "Go home and tell your husband to prepare for a baby." "But I don't have a husband," the girl replied. "Then, go home and tell your lover." "But I don't have a lover. I've never had a lover!" "In that case," the doctor sighed, "go home and tell your mother to prepare for the second coming of Christ..." ============================================= Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter. ============================================= Little Johnny was a young boy, just potty trained. When he went to the bathroom though, he hit everything but the toilet. So mom had to go in and clean up after him. After two weeks, she has had enough, and took Lil' Johnny to the doctor. After the examination, the Dr.. said, "Well, his unit is too small. An old wives tale was to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim straight." Next morning Johnny jumped out of bed and ran down to the kitchen. On the table are 12 slices of toast. "MOM," Johnny yelled, "the Doc said I only had to eat 2 slices!" "I know," smiled his mom, "The other 10 are for your father..." =========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 54 year old biker in Hamamatsu, Japan Leg? What leg? Thanks to Sheila for this International Bonehead Award August 14, 2007 - Tokyo, Japan - Reuters A Japanese biker failed to notice his leg had been severed below the knee when he hit a safety barrier, and rode on for 2 km (1.2 miles), leaving a friend to pick up the missing limb. The 54-year-old office worker was out on his motorcycle with a group of friends in the city of Hamamatsu, west of Tokyo, on Monday, when he was unable to negotiate a curve in the road and bumped into the central barrier, the Mainichi Shimbun said. He felt excruciating pain, but did not notice that his right leg was missing until he stopped at the next junction, the paper quoted local police as saying. The man and his leg were taken to hospital, but the limb had been crushed in the collision, the paper said. ... 0120070814 =========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture: =========================================== A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anton Re: Printng photos Dear Webby, When I try to print pictures, they don't come out anywhere near as good as the samples they had at the store and claimed they had printed with that kind of printer. Did they use prints from a different printer or am I doing something wrong? Anton Dear Anton Most likely they used the most expensive photo paper and ink from Atlantic They also probably used a picture formatted for 300 or more pixels per inch. If you save a picture off a browser, it will be 72 pixels per inch. That is a huge difference in the number of dots on a picture. On an 8x10 picture, with 72 PPI you get 576 dots times 720 dots = 414,720 dots. With 320 DPI you get 2560 dots times 3200 dots = 8,192,000 0.4 Million dots versus 8 Million dots. If you use JPG format and any amount of compression, then you also lose picture quality very quickly. JPG compression is for sending pictures to your aunt on her slow dial-up, but not for printing. If you want a nice print, set the compression to 1. Watch the file size, though! For example, a picture of the "Eye Of God" (Helix nebula) off the browser might be 30 KB on some sites that use compression, 250 KB on mine at Eye Of God 800 x 600, but if you use the original, sized to 10" x 7.5" at 320 DPI, it's over 2.5 MB. In summary, use good paper, good ink, 300 or more DPI, and absolutely no compression in any step between camera and printer. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== ========================================== Deeli's Kudos August 11 , 2007 - Sudbury, Suffolk, UK - Ananova A father posed for a publicity picture in a desperate attempt to find the daughter he has not seen for years unaware she was just a few yards behind him. Michael Dick scoured the streets of Sudbury, Suffolk, and looked through the electoral register searching for Lisa, 31, reports Metro. After drawing a blank, he went to the Suffolk Free Press newspaper, which ran a story on his search. The paper took a picture for the article, of Michael and his younger daughters Samantha, 22, and 10-year-old Shannon. Lisa, a mother of three, discovered her father, 58, was trying to find her when friends mentioned the story. And when she looked at the photograph, she realised she and her mother were just a few metres behind them and got in touch. Mr. Dick, a carpenter from Bow, East London, said: 'I couldn't believe it when Lisa told me. It is just pure coincidence that she was walking past.' Lisa, Mr. Dick's daughter from his first marriage, moved to Sudbury with her mother as a baby after her parents split up. She was amazed to spot herself in the picture behind her father and two half-sisters. Lisa said: 'I was completely shocked. Me and my mum had been standing in that exact place where the picture was taken about a minute earlier, and you can see us in the picture walking away. It is incredible.' Lisa, who now lives in Colchester, Essex, had only gone to Sudbury on the day the picture was taken to visit her mother.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Organizing Cooking Sheets Buy a piece of corner molding at your local hardware store and cut it into pieces that are about the depth of your kitchen cabinets. Nail the pieces of molding to the bottom of your cabinet perpendicular to the opening and you can then store your cookie sheets upright. When I design a kitchen, I always put a narrow, floor to countertop drawer beside the stove, with no sidewall on the stove side. Into the top I put a towel rack, and in the bottom a chrome wire guard or fence to hold cookie sheets upright and from tipping against the stove side. The waste heat from the stove dries the towels and stove cloths, and the library of cookie sheets and cake pans is easily accessible. Now if I could find some decent flour bins, the kitchen would be perfect. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
======================================== During a baseball game, a woman kept shouting threats at the umpire. No matter what happened on the field, she continuously yelled, "Kill the umpire!" This went on for an hour. Finally, another fan called out, "Lady, the umpire hasn't done anything wrong!" "Hey," she yelled back, "How would you know? That's my husband, not yours!" ============================================= GUS AND HIS TUMMY I stirred the homemade spaghetti sauce, savouring the rich aroma. The sauce was a beautiful red color. I knew my dinner guests would enjoy it. All had to do was change into a pretty new white sundress. Gus was a stray dog I had taken in a week ago. He was so skinny every rib showed. His hip bones could be used to hang hats on. He lived in my kitchen, constantly underfoot. I knew that with time, he would learn that he would never go hungry at my house. The doorbell rang. I had just slipped into my sundress, flew past the kitchen, stopped to move the pot of spaghetti sauce from the stove. I took a step back, Gus was right behind me. Down I went, covered in sauce. The stuff was hot. I was moaning in pain. Gus was right there slurping it up. My guests came in, saw the dog standing over me licking me frantically, they panicked. "OH no, that dog has attacked her, she's covered in blood." They tried to grab Gus, he growled. It was his sauce, he had first claim. What a grand day, an ambulance, the police, along with animal control to catch Gus. I wasn't badly burned, the dress absorbed most of the goo. The next day I had to go spring Gus out of doggie jail. When I started supper cooking porkchops, I put a leash on Gus, tied it to the table. I should have known better. I answered the phone. While I was gone, Gus pulled the table across the room, leaped up to snag the chops out of the pan, then grinned at me. My husband came home, took one look at me then suggested "How about going out for pizza?" I really have to get Gus into training school. He beat us both to the car! Stormy O' A table leg? Stormy, YOU need to go to training school too. That dog probably would have drug that table UP some stairs to get at the pork chops! I will always remember one eveing in 75, when I chained two of my sled dogs, pure-bred mutts, to the welded on eye bolts on opposite ends of the step bumper on my Ford Pick-up, while I went into the McRae truck stop on the Alaska Highway to eat. When they spotted a blackbear sauntering across the parking lot, they both took off after it like bullets. The 3/8" tow chain I had used, was stronger than the "slighlty" rusty bumper bolts, and with the bumper clattering along behind them, they went after the bear. The poor bear had probably never been that scared before in it's life, and remembered how he used to climb trees as a pup. He went up a telphone pole faster than a lineman three minutes before quitting time. I have been VERY choosy about what I tie dogs to ever since. DearWebby
============================================= If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at =============================================
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."
============================================= Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Sand Sculptures of PEI =============================================
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
============================================= Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter ============================================= Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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