Dear Webby: Kill hiberfil.sys 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Aug 24, 2007       
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!

out of Atlanta comes this comment:
Americans should be ashamed !
We've eaten so many billions of Buffalo wings,
that many kids today...have never seen a buffalo fly.

Well, times are changing. Ten years ago, if I told a woman
that I wanted to google her Wiki with my Palm Pilot,
she would probably have either slapped or kissed me.
Today she'll offer to guide me in.


Thanks to Cookie for this story:
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two
plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand.
There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while
a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are
$20 bills falling out of that bag...

"Darn!" says the little old lady....."I' d better go back
and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get
all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard
backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each
time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the
bushes, right into my flower beds!

So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge
clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie
through the fence, I say: $20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck!
By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."


A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho" and
went out walking with one of the hired hands.  Walking through
the barnyard, the visitor tried to impress the ranch hand and
started a conversation.  "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."

The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd'."

"Heard what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Sure, I've heard of cows.  There's
a big bunch of 'em right over there!"

========================================= , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! =========================================
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head with the cast iron frying pan. "I found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name "Marylou" written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation." "Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on." The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again. "What was that for?" he complained. "Your dog called last night." ============================================= Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter. ============================================= A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you." The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants." =========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to South African hospitals Pay or die August 17, 2007 - Johannesburg, South Africa - Ananova A South African security guard who was shot during a robbery was told to 'walk off' the pain. Hospitals are reportedly refusing to remove the bullet which is still stuck in the side of Phillip Mashiane, 38, reports the local Star newspaper. He was shot during a burglary at the Johannesburg property of South Africa's ambassador to the United Nations. The bullet passed through his elbow and entered his body just above the hip, missed his vital organs and stopped beneath the skin on the opposite side of his body. Mr Mashiane told the paper he was turned away by one private hospital because he could not afford the bills while a public hospital took x-rays and kept him in for observation before sending him home with painkillers. When he returned, he says a doctor told him to 'walk the pain off'. Doctors at a third hospital said it could not remove the bullet because Mr Mashiane had started treatment elsewhere. "I want my life back. I need to work and all I ask is for them to help me," he said. =========================================== Thanks to Walter for this picture: No global warming, but plenty of rain! =========================================== Suffering from a bad case of the flu, the outraged patient bellowed, "Three weeks??? The doctor can't see me for three weeks??? I could well be dead by then!" Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, "If so, would you have your wife call to cancel the appointment?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Leanne Re: hiberfil.sys Dear Webby, I got this huge file called hiberfil.sys, and it's fragmented so badly that even DisKeeper can't do anything about it. Actually, it's the only fragmented file it shows on the C: drive. Is there a way to get rid of it? Leanne Dear Leanne hiberfil.sys is just a snapshot of what you got open and running, what Windows will return to when it wakes up from hibernating. If you get rid of, or move hiberfil.sys then Windows has nothing to return to when you get back from lunch. That is why DisKeeper won't touch it. The only safe way to get rid of hiberfil.sys is to turn of Hibernation. Go to Control Panel Power Hibernation Apply Then reboot. The file is gone. Now tell Diskeeper to do a defrag and snug everything up. You will wind up with a lean and mean and fast C: drive with zero fragments. After that, you can turn hibernation on again. It's a good idea to do that once or twice a year. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos August 20, 2007 - Finland - Ananova A 5,000-year-old piece of chewing gum has been discovered by an archaeology student. Sarah Pickin, 23, from Derby University, found the lump of birch bark tar on a dig in western Finland, reports the BBC. Neolithic people used the material as an antiseptic to treat gum infections, as well as a glue for repairing pots. Ms Pickin's tutor, Professor Trevor Brown, said: "It's particularly significant because well defined tooth imprints were found on the gum. "Birch bark tar contains phenols, which are antiseptic compounds." Ms Pickin, one of five UK students on a volunteer programme at the Kierikki Centre on the west coast of Finland, said: "I was delighted to find the gum and was very excited to learn more about the history."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Shopping By The Seasons By preparing meals with foods that are in season you can save a lot of money. Other seasonal deals to look for are meat sales around the holidays. Some examples are hot dogs before the 4th of July and specialty meats like ham or turkey for Easter, Thanksgiving or Christmas. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
======================================== Supposedly a true story, but it sounds like an Urban Legend. A British doctor examining a young woman with abdominal pains asked her if she was sexually active. She said that she wasn't. A later examination showed that she was pregnant. Asked why she said that she was not sexually active, the woman replied: I'm not, I just lie there. When asked if she knew who the father was, with a puzzled look she replied, "No. Who?" ============================================= A DOG IS A DOG, SOMETIMES Two seniors huddled together on the bench waiting their turn to see the veterinarian. On the lady's lap sat a very small Pomeranian who looked quite miserable. It was easy to see they were devoted to her. Their wrinkled hands constantly stroked her fur, trying to reassure the dog. Once taken in to see the vet, he began with some small talk to ease the old folks. Turns out they had always lived on a farm, with only outside working dogs. The small Pom was a gift, but they really had no idea how to care for something so fragile. The vet began his medical test. The wee dog shivered and shook through the entire exam. The old couple were asked to go into the office with the dog, while the doctor gathered up the test results. Looking at the extremely anxious seniors, he said, " Your wee one is diabetic. Does anyone in her family have this condition?" It was an beautiful example of how much they loved their dog. The husband looked at his wife "I don't think anyone in my family has diabetes, does yours, love? The vet just smiled, he saw this a lot, where people simply forgot the dog was a dog, not really a human member of the family. He rather liked it! Stormy O'
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The church next door welcomes all denominations, but mainly they prefer tens and twenties.
============================================= Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Sedona =============================================
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
============================================= Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter ============================================= Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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