Dear Webby: Youtube spoof 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Aug 27, 2007

Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood.
--- Louise Beal

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
--- Jack London


Thanks to Sandie for this update from Florida

IT'S SO HOT and DRY IN FLORIDA. (1967 Version)

 .... the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground
 .....the trees are whistling for the dogs.
 .....the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
 .... hot water now comes out of both taps. can make sun tea instantly. learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
 .....the temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel the breeze. discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car. discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. actually burn your hand opening the car door. break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
 .....your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and
      end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
 .....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is
         pull one out and add butter.  (in the garden)
 .....the cows are giving evaporated milk.
 .....people are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
        laying boiled eggs. (in the country) can't fry eggs on the tank of your bike, if they got hard boiled
       in the carton on the way across the parking lot.

Addendum for 2007
.....the hot air from the Algorian provides a welcome cooling breeze.


A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give
to an old lady in the park. Her mother was
touched by the child's kindness and gave her
the required sum.

"There you are, my dear," said the mother.
"But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"

"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."

========================================= , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! =========================================
Velma asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?" "Sure," replied Jim "What's your phone number?" ============================================= Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter. ============================================= I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs." Picture this. All the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the seeing eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they also were trying to change airlines! =========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to British Motorists What's a map? August 7, 2007 - London, UK - Reuters As many as 11 million British motorists are unable to read a basic road map, according to a survey released Monday. The poll revealed over three quarters of British drivers were unable to identify the motorway map symbol, while only one percent of motorists would pass the Cub Scout Map Reader badge test. "It's pretty embarrassing the majority of Cub Scouts have better map-reading skills than the majority of the adult population," said Colin Batabyal, head of underwriting and business development at eSure, which carried out the survey. Sixteen percent of British drivers have become so heavily reliant on satellite navigation systems that they have given up keeping a map in their car. "It's time for motorists to take a refresher in map-reading skills," said Scott Sinclair of national mapping agency Ordnance Survey. "Technology is great but the batteries won't run out on a paper map. "No serious hill walker would rely totally on a GPS device in case the power goes or the signal is lost, so it should be the same for the motorist," added Sinclair. The survey -- based on a poll of 1,000 UK drivers -- estimated Britons' poor map-reading skills resulted in 36 billion wasted miles being driven each year. ... aps_odd_dc =========================================== OUTCH! Should have worn the big interview foamies! =========================================== Tim was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, Dear," he said. "Of course, Tim," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die, he said, "I want you to marry Lawrence." "But I thought you hated Lawrence," she said. With his last breath, Tim said, "I do!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dani Re: Filter for U-Tube spoofs Dear Webby: How do I filter out crap like this? I KNOW I am not on any video, and since the barbecue blew up this spring, I am not even on any photo! I am actually contemplating becoming a muslim until my hair grows back. :( In addition to that, MailWasher tells me that it is linking to somewhere else. Here is a typical example: === this i not good. If this video gets to her husband your both dead. see for yourself... [links to] === I am sure you get them too. How do you filter them? Dani Dear Dani I had to root around the restore bin to find an example. The same 7BIT filter that I described yesterday, also gets this type of virus generated spam. IF the entire header contains 7BIT, then delete, without warning. They fly right by, straight to hell, unseen by anybody, except when you send me to check the restore bin. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos August 8, 2007 - Elmira, New York - Happy News A large ceramic turtle containing a woman's ashes has been recovered after it was accidentally sold for 50 cents at a rummage sale. When Anita Lewis of Elmira sold the turtle Saturday to a woman with plans to use it as a cookie jar, she didn't know it held the ashes of her husband's late wife. Terrence Lewis' previous wife had collected turtles and the couple's home was full of them, Anita Lewis said. She realized her mistake and began a frantic search that led to the Salvation Army Thrift Shop in Horseheads after an anonymous caller's tip to the Star-Gazette of Elmira. ... l-sale.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Bring Your Own Beverages If you are in the habit of purchasing beverages or snacks from vending machines at work or school, consider buying cases of drinks and snacks so you can bring your own. Vending machines usually charge double what grocery stores do. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
======================================== Maggie has a particularly outrageous rapport with her son. He argues and fights with her all the time. Finally having had enough, she takes her son to a psychologist. After two sessions, the doctor speaks with the mother. "Madam, your son suffers from an Oedipus Complex." "Oedipus, Schmoedipus," replies Maggie, "It's all the same to me. The important thing is that he loves his mother!" ============================================= DOG SAVES MAMA GOOSE I've heard it said that one animal can't understand when another animal is in distress, then help. I disagree. This is a true story. I was in my truck, watching and not realizing it at the time that a big Canadian Goose was in trouble, caught in a heavy shrub. All I could see was her head snaking in and out of the bush, while she honked. A dog walked by, stopped to look at the bird, then stuck his head into the shrub. At this point I started to walk over to the bird, thinking the dog would harm it. As I got closer, I could see where one of the goose's legs was tangled in a rope, that threaded through the branches. At first the goose hissed, beat her wings, but the dog carried on. He squeezed his way into the shrub, lay down behind the bird, and chewed on the rope until she was free. The goose was calm at this point. She honked, and her goslings came out of hiding. She gathered her brood, then started to cross the highway. Again before I could help, the dog walked out, and traffic stopped. He looked at the goose, she hurried across with her family, her head up, honking loudly. Once she reached the other side of the road, the dog went on its way. Several other people were watching as well. We all wore huge grins, it really was a great thing to witness. I went into the shrub, and yanked out as much of the rope as I could. The next goose to get caught might not have a hero dog to help her to safety. Stormy O'
============================================= If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at =============================================
Two buddies, Tony and Billy, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Billy throws up all over himself. "Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!" Tony says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill." So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually, Billy rolls into home and his Jane starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!" Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says: "Nowainaminit,I can e'splain everything! Itsh not what you think. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy got sick on me... he'd had one too many and he just couldn't hold his liquor. He said he was very sorry an' gave me $20 bucks for the cleaning bill!" Jane looks in the breast pocket and says: "But this is forty bucks." "Oh, yeah... I almos' forgot" says Billy, "he crapped in my pants, too....!!" He never saw the frying pan, but vaguely remembers hearing a gong.
============================================= Thanks to Roger for today's Bonus Link: Pictures by cat lovers =============================================
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
============================================= Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter ============================================= Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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