Dear Webby: Outlook Express problems 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Sept 7, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!

Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. --- Bill Nye There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Woman comes home and tells her husband: "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies: "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." Well, that is wonderful" Said the husband. His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she Sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!" His funeral service will be held on Saturday.
Can you find the names of 16 books from the Bible in the paragraph below without the aid of your bible? (One minister found 15 of the books in 20 minutes, but it took him weeks to find the last one.) I once made the remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu; kept people looking so hard for facts... and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books were not capitalized. But the truth finally struck home to numbers of our readers. To others it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister to find one of them, and there will be loud lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, for there really are sixteen names of books of the Bible in this paragraph.

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Pilot: "Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land. 600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct!" Tower: "Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, who art in heaven...'" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eric Kyff, 39, and Lauren Allen, 27, of Culpepper, VA Drunk Riders July 23, 2007 - Culpepper, Virginia - AP It was like a scene out of an old Western, with lawmen in hot pursuit of outlaws on horseback. Only this time the pursuers were in police cruisers, and the chase was through a modern suburban neighborhood. Officers got their man - and their woman - when the fleeing riders fell off their mounts. It all started about 10:30 p.m. Saturday when several people confronted a man they claimed was urinating against the side of a Culpeper convenience store, according to town police Sgt. Scott Jenkins. They asked the man to stop because children were present, Jenkins said. Witnesses told police the man cursed those who complained, went into the store, then came out and mounted his horse and charged toward the group. One man retreated behind a propane tank, Jenkins said. When Officer Jeff Dodson arrived, witnesses told him the man and a woman had departed on horseback. When Dodson found them on a subdivision street, the riders fled through a backyard, Jenkins said. But they didn't get far. The man apparently didn't see a utility pole guy wire in the dark. He rode into the wire, which knocked him to the ground. The woman also fell off her horse. Eric Kyff, 39, and Lauren Allen, 27, were charged with riding a horse on a highway after dark without proper reflective material, being drunk in public and obstruction of justice. Kyff also was charged with attempted unlawful wounding. Kyff was held on a $2,500 bond while Allen was released. It wasn't the riders' first clash with the law. At about midnight May 24, Kyff and Allen - again on horseback - were arrested on public drunkeness and railroad track trespassing charges. Allen paid a $25 fine and Kyff a $100 fine, according to court documents.
Thanks to Trish for sending this picture: Sammi the Labrador and Duncan the Galah on the couch, the photo is not 'engineered' in any way this is what happens every night here. Trish
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Outlook Express Problems Hi Webby: I am hoping you get this e mail, this is the third try. Can you tell me how to repair outlook express???? Most of my e mails do not reach their destination, and I don't receive most of the ones sent to me I love your newsletter!!!! Ann S Dear Ann Because I don't want the problems that you have, I don't allow Outlook or Outlook Express within ten feet of any Webby machine. You will have to read the answer that the Express Empress posted in the blog on Aug 28, in response to your earlier mail. Just go to and scroll down until you see your name. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States."

Deeli's Kudos August 12, 2007 - Athens, Greece - AFP A middle-aged Greek shepherd unable to walk over long distances now drives to work after training his flock of sheep to follow his car, state television Net reported on Sunday. George Zokos from Tyrnavos in central Greece devised the system after his health deteriorated, and has been 'driving' his sheep to pasture for the past three years, the station said. Zokos' neighbours have dubbed him "the euro-shepherd" for his advanced sheep-herding method. "We would sometimes hear honking, or the car door slamming, and then we realised that it was George training his sheep," a neighbour told the station. ... nimal_farm

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from September Home and Garden Bargains September is a great month to get items for your home and garden at clearance prices. Keep an eye out for seeds, plants, planters, deck stain, outdoor grills and garden tools. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
Stormy had to suddenly fly up North to Beaverlodge because of news that her father is dying. She will send in her columns again as soon as she finds a Cybercafe up there. Seems that she still hasn't found one yet. Here is one from Glenn A little something for your "Stormy" section. I had a Siamese tomcat and a miniture Dachsund. I built the dog a doghouse with plexiglass, lined the floor and walls with carpet, installed a heat lamp and a thermostat to keep the dog warm without cooking it, because the winters were quite cold. The cat had been quite snobbish with the dog until it saw the doghouse, then it became quite friendly! When it finally did turn cold, it was not unusual to see the cat and dog curled up together in the toasty warm doghouse. It was easy to see in, since the roof was plexiglass, and the U-turn hallway inside the doghouse kept out the cold wind. The roof was hinged so I could put food and water into the doghouse to keep the water from freezing. (Oh, my wife didn't let the dog in the house, so he needed a warm house of his own.) Some years later, we moved, and the cat made friends with the neighbor's bulldog, which was in a privacy-fenced back yard. When the neighborhood tomcats wanted to establish their dominance, the cat ran - straight over the privacy fence and into the neighbor's back yard, the aggresive tom or toms hot on his tail. Funny, one loud bark from that bulldog, and the aggressive tom would come out of that yard even faster than he went into it! Hope you like the story. Glenn

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better,....."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Pencil Sculptures
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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