Dear Webby: Weird circles in Outlook 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Sept 14, 2007
Wear something red today, to show your support for the troops!

Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. --- Laurence J. Peter There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. --- Alfred Korzybski
"You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." the man explained. "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
A marketing survey specialist is asking Dan, a southern college kid, some questions about different products he uses. MSS - Which shaving cream do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which aftershave do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which deodorant do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which toothpaste do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Okay, tell me, what is this 'Baba'? Is it an international company? Dan - Heck no. He's my room-mate.

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An elderly couple was having trouble remembering things, so they signed up for a memory course. The course was wonderful. They came home and told all their relatives, friends and neighbors about it. Some months later, a neighbor approached the old man as he was tending the garden and said, "Hey, Ed, what was the name of that memory course you liked so much?" Ed said, "Well, it was . . . hmmm . . . let me think a minute . . . What's the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems?" The neighbor said, "You mean a rose?" And Ed said, "Yeah, that's it!" Then turned toward the house and shouted, "Hey, Rose! What was the name of that memory course?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Roger Golden, New York Dumbest place to stash dope Smuggler learns not to stow pot near DEA NEW YORK (UPI) -- A known New York drug smuggler faces possession charges for allegedly stowing 35 pounds of marijuana in a locker near the Drug Enforcement Agency. The storage locker where Roger Golden stashed his stash was in a self-storage facility with two entrances -- one conveniently in the lobby of the DEA building, the New York Post reported Monday. Drug agents walking to the office passed the self-storage business caught a whiff, said John Gilbride, head of the office. They brought in a drug-sniffing dog, which plunked down in front of Golden's locker. "Here's a guy that has been known to drug law enforcement for 30 years and he picks, of all places, to store his marijuana in a storage facility connected to the New York office of the DEA," said John Gilbride, head of the office.

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie in NH Re: Circles in Outlook and WORD Dear Webby hope you can help with my current problem. Just recently as in the excerpt below from a “sent” email, and in replies back to me, these little circles started to appear. They annoy me like crazy and are also turning up in my Word documents even if they’re not in email text, i.e., if someone sends me a quote or story I want to save in Word, voila! there they are in a new document I copy & paste into. Any ideas on how I can stop them? No clue why they began. Thank you bunches as always, even if you don’t have a solution. Bonnie in NH Dear Bonnie I live a very sheltered life. Heroin, Outlook, Outlook Express, Crack and other stuff like that, is not allowed onto the premises. I really don't have a clue about what those things do to you, or how to cope with them. By the way, the excerpt you had there, did not produce any dopey circles in Eudora. Try writing to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com. Even though she doesn't use that stuff, she keeps up-to-date on it so that she can answer questions on her blog. Put her into your friends list, so that you don't accidentally slap her reply back into her face. That really annoys her. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!"

Deeli's Kudos Gators gaze at passers-by from pond HAMPTON ROADS, Va. (UPI) -- Two alligators found in a pond inside a Virginia community probably aren't dangerous to humans, but officials are setting up traps -- just in case. Police and animal control personnel in Hampton Roads say they aren't quite sure how the 3-foot reptiles got into the pond, The Virginian-Pilot in Hampton Roads reported. "It's hard to say," said police spokeswoman Rene Ball said, adding that residents in the area should be careful. ------------ Personally, I would be a lot more concerned with lightning fast three footers than slow and lazy 20 footers. I got within a few feet of this one and it made no hostile move.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? It isn't all that bad this time." Dentist: "There are too many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the 5 o'clock football game."

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While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Edible Mushrooms
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