Dear Webby: Font Sizes 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Sept 16, 2007

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. -- Sir Francis Bacon Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business." --- Dave Barry
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"
Divorce : Future tense of marriage. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power. Dictionary : A place where success comes before work. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. Father : A banker provided by nature. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

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Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night. The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the crap out of college students!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 33 prisoners at Lee County prison, New Mexico Prisoner's temper tantrum September 15, 2007 - Lee County, New Mexico - Ananova Prisoners rioted at a jail in New Mexico after being told they would be allowed only one sausage each at dinner. Inmates of the Lee County Prison started fires, broke toilets and smashed windows, reports the Hobbs News Sun. Officials said the prisoners began yelling and banging on their doors in what they described as a "temper tantrum." Officers from the Lea County Sheriff's and Hobbs Police departments were called in to restore control, and the jail was locked down after the incident. Warden Jann Gartman said 33 prisoners were involved in the disturbance. The remaining 300-plus prisoners at the jail accepted the meal without incident, authorities said. Might be time to ship them to Arizona and try Sheriff Arpaio's diet for a while.
Smoke coming over the Rockies from some fire in BC
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jay Re: Zoomable fonts Dear Webby! I know you have used zoomable fonts for ages, but my webmaster insists that is not necessary if a computer is set up right. Well, my computer is set up the way I like it, and I can hardly read the pages on my company site. How do you make your fonts so that they can be zoomed? What do you suggest. Jay Dear Jay Some people claim to be webmasters, others ARE, and don't care what title you use for them. Using a word Processor and saving a WORD document as a web page is not the same as creating it with HTML. The same goes for kids using FrontPage. Basic stuff looks OK with it, but it's not quite up to standard and will bite you sooner or later. I would recommend that you get somebody who will do your site the way YOU want it, instead of implying that your computer is not set up right. That page you sent me to is useless. When I see something that is too small to read comfortably, and that can't be zoomed to a decent size, I'm out of there and on my way to a competitor. I have a hunch most people browse that way. Have FUN! DearWebby
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During taxi, the crew of a US Airways departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate lady who had the ground controller's spot at that moment screamed, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta.' Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!" Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, "You've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" The humbled crew responded, "Yes, Ma'am." The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at La Guardia was running high. Then an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Deeli's Kudos September 15, 2007 - Wrexham, North Wales, UK - Ananova A Welsh farmer who placed a lonely hearts advert on a milk carton hopes to marry a US woman who answered his plea. Geraint Evans, 28, hadn't had a girlfriend for almost five years because his long days at work often ended at 11pm, reports the North Wales Daily Post. The dairy herdsman was one of a number of North Wales farmers who persuaded a dairy company to put their photographs on cartons with an email address. Interior design student Laura Allison, 21, from Chicago, was holidaying in the UK when she saw Geraint's face on a pint of milk she bought near his Wrexham home. She said: "I'd dropped by a supermarket to pick up some provisions and when I got to the milk racks, all I could see was this handsome guy's face staring out at me. I think I fell in love a little right there and then." But she decided to wait until she returned home before getting in touch. Since then the couple have exchanged hundreds of email messages, phone calls and letters and have visited each other. Geraint said: "I've met the girl of my dreams and I want us to marry as soon as she's finished her course in America. "We get on so well. This is the real thing and the sooner we can get wed the better, as far as I'm concerned. I'd marry Laura tomorrow. "We share the same sense of humour and we're both adventurous. We must be or we'd never have met."

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Daily tip from Cleaning with Borax Add one tablespoon of Borax to 1 quart of water and use it as a safe all-purpose cleaner. Dissolve a 1/2 cup of borax in a sink full of water to clean delicate dishes like fine China. Sweeten musty basement floors by sprinkling around on the concrete, let it sit for a while, then sweep up. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Vince." "Who?" "Vince Sabio. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time." "There are always a few clouds over everybody." "Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star." "He was something, huh?" "He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." "No wonder you remember him." "Well, I never actually met Vince." "Then how do you know so much about him?" "I married his widow."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Newell Coach
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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